Well, this is just getting embarrassing
 

I'm done. FINALLY. I know you've heard it all before. But I've finally Have had enough. I am damaging, not only my body, but my relationships. Of course, it is easy to say this now...I've been throwing up, i am hot and cold, dehydrated, my face is red and blotchy and my husband is not talking to me. Weird thing is, i only had a couple of drinks yesterday, the idea was to taper, but forget that. I'm DONE.

Your body is done. Time to work on your mind. Get through today, feel better and make a recovery plan. I’ve been through that with the husband not talking to me. Thing is, he’s a raging alcoholic in denial. Kinda ironic.

it just seems like he should be more understanding. I didn't do anything to set him off, I've just been sad and emotional lately and the one thing he doesn't do is emotions.

Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you have decided to stop. This place is full of support.

For me, I had to take the decision to stop drinking and never change my mind and then accept that in my soul. My mind knew it, but it took a while for my soul to catch up.

If possible I would try and keep your husband out of this. Whether he supports you or not, this is a you thing.

One foot in front of the other, together we go. Take today and just do the next right thing.

So is the idea that now that you really don’t want to drink again so you won’t? Because that idea never worked for me. I had to put real work behind it. Thoughts never got me sober, only drunk. Actions got me sober.

I had to stop caring what my husband said or didn't say about my death drinking go. I don't drink any more. We must keep that number 1 in our thoughts. Stay strong!

You seriously never have to feel that way again as long as you don’t drink just for today!!! Simple, but not easy I know, but it is 100% possible and you deserve it. Just like you did, keep reaching out for support and find a program that works for you.

Trust me, I tried to do it on my own for many years because I relied on self will and my ego, and I was always back to square one.

What he should be or do, doesn't matter as much as what you should be and do. Do you want to be sober and what are you doing about that?

Doing is an action verb. I like words that end in "ing" to describe my journey. "ing" is the present and future. Take "ing" out and you are left with the past.

I am being and living as a sober person for today. I am listening to other sober alcoholics. I am taking suggestions from other sober alcoholics. I am sharing my successes and my failures with other sober alcoholics. I am inventorying my actions and looking for ways I could improve and strengthen my sobriety. I am not allowing myself to become complacent. I am repeating actions that work and discarding those that don't. I am staying vigilant about my pursuit of sobriety and striving towards the best life I can, because I am worth it!

That is my plan for today and I am following it.

Towards that end, I am getting in the shower and going to a meeting with other alcoholics. After the meeting I will be spending time talking with another member and we will help each other by gut talking and laughing with each other about our lives and ouselves. When I get back home, I will be logging back into this site because that is an action that works for my sobriety.

Shower time, because I am staying vigilant.

On a somewhat side note: Not everything I do during a 24 hour day would seem to be recovery oriented...
Today I will also be spending quality time with my wife and my dog. I plan on cutting and gathering firewood to keep the house nice and warm. I will be listening to chamber music while I am cooking a chicken and okra gumbo for dinner. Later on I will be diving into course work on my computer coding and programming class...
but it all is!
...Even riding my motorcycle, which will be my means of getting to the meeting.

Read Nez's post a few times.

Okay, I'm over my pity party. I did this to myself. And yes things suck right now, but the answer isn't in the bottom of a bottle. I have a kid to raise, a house to figure out how to keep without a job, and a husband who gives me tough love, even when i just want a hug or someone to tell me everything will be okay. I got crap for sleep, but hopefully that will be helpful tonight. The leaves are raked before they kill my yard, laundry is working, kitchen is clean and i did it all while gagging lol.

I hope you can make this time your time BTG and move on, into recovery for good.
Nez’s post is probably worth reading several times - and BABM has touched on it too.

we really do make our own success....or not.
Hit the ground running :)

D

thx D. ;)

you can do it
 

Been there...many times. I always have excuses but that doesn't help how I feel in the AM every day. I know what sobriety can offer (had 20 mos under my belt) but I REALLY know how bad this addiction is now as I'm so lost trying to get back on track. Some 3-4 day streaks but always fail.

Proud. Thank you, for your kind words. Somehow, we can figure this out, right?

Yes, it sounds like you are ready to head for better times. It can all get exhausting after awhile, can't it. You got some things accomplished today which is great and you stayed sober. :) That's a success. You'll feel better tomorrow, too.

I do think the first week or weeks of getting sober requires serious structure. I had to have my time filled. Intentions.
Wake up. Drink coffee. Run. Work. Home. tea. Dinner. Bath. Meeting. Log onto SR. watch Netflix/ HBO. Sleep. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.

I did this for as many days as it took until I felt relief. Depending on where one looks on the internet, it can take about 21 days to form a new habit. So, now this structure of home, tea, dinner, bath, meeting is a new habit. Self care. I look forward to it. It does not have a wine bottle at the end of the day. It does not have a hangover. It does not have regret. (Maybe a little when I looked at the pie calories that I had been consuming on a nightly basis :)

I don't have children so this plan may not have worked so smoothly with a little one to care for. .....But I do see that structure of any kind works.

Get that structure, Ya'll

Hi Backtogood, so glad you're here and making a commitment to get sober.....:grouphug:
Feeling sick and tired just wears you out after awhile, right? I drank tons of cold, pure water during my first week of sobriety.
It really helped to rid my body of toxins and it also helped with the nausea. Chamomile tea also helped calm my stomach and other body aches.

tea? Hummmm. I've been trying to keep water and Gatorade down, but tea sounded great. I bet mint tea would be great for tummy too ;)

Hi Backtogood, how are you doing today? :grouphug:
Yes, any kind of herbal tea will help and mint is a lovely flavor. I also found Sleepytime tea to help immensely, especially with the anxiety, insomnia and body aches.