Reached my breaking point today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Reached my breaking point today
I reached my breaking point today and now determined to move forward.
Yes, I know you’ve heard me say this so many times since I first joined.
My last drink was just before midnight (U.K. time) last Wednesday. I attended group counselling Zoom meetings (for addicts) on Monday after which my key worker telephoned to say I’ve relapsed so much I’m obviously not interacting properly so I was on the verge of being ‘discharged’.
That was a kick up the backside - so I decided to knuckle down a bit more. I did an AA zoom meeting Monday night and mentally committed to 90 meetings in 90 days. Tuesday I did more counselling Zooms and also another AA Zoom.
Today I did a counselling Zoom and that is when I hit rock bottom. To many it may not sound like it would be but for me it was.
People were talking about how long it took to earn people’s trust as they’d let them down so often. Others spoke about strained relationships with their children.
It hit home how very very lucky I am. My son has stood rock solidly beside me every step of the way. The times when COVID has allowed he’s held my hand at the hospital. My parents trust me, I let them down, they feel hurt. BUT they then trust me again (and cycle repeats). I only NOW recognise how lucky I am and how I’ve taken everyone for granted.
That was the point that all the blinkers, pretence, lies (whether conscious or subconscious) etc were stripped away. I spent most of the meeting with my camera off mopping my eyes.
Just after that I had my final one to one with my key worker (she finishes Friday). We talked it all through and they’ve decided to let me stay on the program.
Tonight I attended a Zoom AA meeting (the only one held in my town). What a brilliant meeting. Three ladies gave me their numbers. After the meeting the lady who hosted tonight text me to say on Friday she is going to pick up her 9 YEAR chip from a face to face meeting in a nearby town and would I like to go with her. Big yes from me. She also thinks I’ll get a day chip there. I’ve also got a sneaky suspicion she may offer to be my sponsor (already from texts we’ve built a rapport) as we’re also going to meet for coffee on Saturday (English regulations means it’ll have to be takeaway coffee and chat while walking but that’s cool).
Sorry for such a long post but finally all this B/S lip service about wanting to stop etc is over. It’s going to be hard work. Just before my AA meeting the wine witch had a good try at getting to me. Again, I’ve said I realise that before but now I ‘get’ it. Life isn’t great at the moment but I can get things straight while sober. If drunk they’ll just stay ‘wonky’.
Thank you to all for the support I’ve had before. Time now for you to see the new Sue xx
Yes, I know you’ve heard me say this so many times since I first joined.
My last drink was just before midnight (U.K. time) last Wednesday. I attended group counselling Zoom meetings (for addicts) on Monday after which my key worker telephoned to say I’ve relapsed so much I’m obviously not interacting properly so I was on the verge of being ‘discharged’.
That was a kick up the backside - so I decided to knuckle down a bit more. I did an AA zoom meeting Monday night and mentally committed to 90 meetings in 90 days. Tuesday I did more counselling Zooms and also another AA Zoom.
Today I did a counselling Zoom and that is when I hit rock bottom. To many it may not sound like it would be but for me it was.
People were talking about how long it took to earn people’s trust as they’d let them down so often. Others spoke about strained relationships with their children.
It hit home how very very lucky I am. My son has stood rock solidly beside me every step of the way. The times when COVID has allowed he’s held my hand at the hospital. My parents trust me, I let them down, they feel hurt. BUT they then trust me again (and cycle repeats). I only NOW recognise how lucky I am and how I’ve taken everyone for granted.
That was the point that all the blinkers, pretence, lies (whether conscious or subconscious) etc were stripped away. I spent most of the meeting with my camera off mopping my eyes.
Just after that I had my final one to one with my key worker (she finishes Friday). We talked it all through and they’ve decided to let me stay on the program.
Tonight I attended a Zoom AA meeting (the only one held in my town). What a brilliant meeting. Three ladies gave me their numbers. After the meeting the lady who hosted tonight text me to say on Friday she is going to pick up her 9 YEAR chip from a face to face meeting in a nearby town and would I like to go with her. Big yes from me. She also thinks I’ll get a day chip there. I’ve also got a sneaky suspicion she may offer to be my sponsor (already from texts we’ve built a rapport) as we’re also going to meet for coffee on Saturday (English regulations means it’ll have to be takeaway coffee and chat while walking but that’s cool).
Sorry for such a long post but finally all this B/S lip service about wanting to stop etc is over. It’s going to be hard work. Just before my AA meeting the wine witch had a good try at getting to me. Again, I’ve said I realise that before but now I ‘get’ it. Life isn’t great at the moment but I can get things straight while sober. If drunk they’ll just stay ‘wonky’.
Thank you to all for the support I’ve had before. Time now for you to see the new Sue xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
Nice read, Sue.
I feel the same as you. One of the big things that keeps me AF is the obligation I have to those who stuck with me through the drunken times. It's my sobriety journey...but it really effects all around you.
Stay abstinent. It's worth it.
I feel the same as you. One of the big things that keeps me AF is the obligation I have to those who stuck with me through the drunken times. It's my sobriety journey...but it really effects all around you.
Stay abstinent. It's worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Thank you for your messages.
I’ve always said I want to be sober at my son’s graduation which will be summer 2021 subject to COVID for him.
While that’s true, I also want to do it for me.
I don’t just want him to see a sober mum, I want to see a fine young man get his justly deserved degree. And I ‘think’ by then I’ll be able to accept it when people tell me that I did a good job raising him. Currently I believe that I failed and his success is just down to him.
I’ve always said I want to be sober at my son’s graduation which will be summer 2021 subject to COVID for him.
While that’s true, I also want to do it for me.
I don’t just want him to see a sober mum, I want to see a fine young man get his justly deserved degree. And I ‘think’ by then I’ll be able to accept it when people tell me that I did a good job raising him. Currently I believe that I failed and his success is just down to him.
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