My intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Location: Conehatta MS
Posts: 1
My intro
Hello everyone, I'm Casey. I'm 28, from a small town in the middle of nowhere, Mississippi. This is my first ever support group to join and I'm very excited to see whats in store. This is my first true valiant effort being sober, it took me hitting rock bottom but I finally set my unrealistic illusions that I could do drugs and live a normal life aside and actually listened to to my fears I'd been drowning out with drug use.. I want change and I'm the only one who can do that for me. But I can't do it alone. That's where you guys come in! But first a little more lighthearted stuff about me: I love to travel and I've been lucky enough to do so working on the pipeline a few yrs now. American history interests me, I love scary movies, I'm a people person. I know in my heart it's my life's mission to help others. But first I got to help myself. I have my bachelor's degree in psychology, although as said above, I've been working pipeline the past few years, but laid off now due to covid. I fully plan to get my Master's degree and help others sort out their thoughts and feelings. Lets see..what else about me? I'm an advocate for women's rights and have a passion for helping the elderly as well as animals, who, btw, have my heart. I feel we can learn so much from their loyalty and unwavering love. But before I sound too much like mother Teresa, (ha!) Let me sum up the reason I'm even here at all writing this bio: I finally decided to get sober after years of drug abuse. Basically all of my 20's, a blur, and now almost a new decade for my life. But I need help from others who can relate. I simply don't have that and it is starting to really be evident in my ongoing quest for sobriety. I feel the absence of peer support. And I genuinely want to be a source of positivity for someone else going through something similar. I believe it would help both of us.
Let me back up some and start by saying this: I'm a perfect example of all that glitters aint gold. For longer than I care to remember, people have judged me on the outside, on what they see. Not to sound cliche, but I truly believe 100% that beauty is what's on the inside. So I certainly hope I dont sound vain when I say Im aware Im not "aesthetically unpleasing". But Pretty doesn't equal happy. Anyways, combine that w/ a few material possessions and having my college degree (few people choose to go beyond 12th grade here) and voila! People believe I have it all, I mean made in the shade, livin' it up w/ the Kardashians kinda life (which don't get me wrong I'm very grateful for what I've been blessed with and for my own accomplishments) but I come from a hard-working middle-class family we have nothing super fancy, but in my town, stereotyping is terribly bad. No one seems to hear what you say. if you're young and pretty, you're a bimbo waiting for the mall to open is what the young girls around here say (which btw, here, ya gotta drive 80+ miles simply to go anywhere besides Walmart) point being nobody cares I'm trying very hard to change my life. I don't have any support. In my town of about 600 people, (so small, all we have a post office and a convenience store) I can say from experience these people are small-minded and understand addiction about as well as quantum physics. The few attempts I have made to reach out have been an epic fail to say the least. THE SAD FACT is that people around here simply DON'T CARE to get it. Mental health, addiction, none of it. It's like I'm not allowed to have issues, those are reserved only for people who have problems you can actually SEE. "What do you have to be depressed about?" Or if I dare mention the D word, drugs, the atmosphere automatically turned harsh and I would hear "you're so much smarter than that! Don't want to ruin those pretty looks" or a snippy judgmental "you shoulda got help or better yet never started the mess" with the most disgusted looks on their faces. I got so disheartened with my attempts to find someone to talk with, anyone. Instead of even making a halfway connection, I always just ended up defending my right to feel things and to have emotions. We all have emotion.. and that's perfectly okay. I'm human, I mess up, everyone does. That's okay too. Small towns are just plain bizarre. Limited judgmental and bizarre. People so easily forget ANYTHING to do with internal feelings in this town. Unfortunately I have endured much loss in my 28 years. I don't want to sound like "poor pitiful me" at all, truly that is not my goal here; but to know this sheds light on what I believe to be one of the main reasons behind my substance abuse.....by the time I was 25 over half of those I loved in my nuclear family had passed away. my life and normalcy forever changed so quickly. Many I lost were young and it was sudden and tragic. Starting at age 6 with my father dying unexpectedly, and before I could properly deal with one loss, another would occur. It was like a pattern almost. Emotional trauma will take its toll on any of us. I don't remember much from my childhood. As I got older **** kept happening, and I just couldn't cope. So I began self-medicating with illicit drugs. I started out like anyone else, just dabbling every once in awhile. Methamphetamine and norcos (no script) were my two DOC. Meth was the first devil I encountered. At first I was only very occasional w/ my use, but then that increased to a few times a week. Fast forward 4 yrs and a friend gives me half a pain pill for a backache, if only I had known (with both drugs) what just dabbling would eventually lead to. But not at first, at first it just started with 1 pill a day 3 times a week at most, then 1 every other day, but of course the day came where if I didn't have a 10 mg hydrocodone or oxycodone EVERY DAY, I physically and mentally felt like ****. I was never out of pills long, I would make it my mission to obtain them, which I could do with ease. At this point I was also using meth everyday, yet I truly believed I had my meth use "in control and under wraps" (like such exists ha) boy was I foolish for ever thinking that. but nonetheless I was a thriving honor student in college and due to that fact, for over 3 yrs I really believed I could balance the drug life and a productive life. I now feel ashamed saying I thought this way, but I actually remember feeling grateful, that I'd somehow found a balance, I was convinced of it. Afterall My life was going along smooth and productively, I was actually happy, having found the secret to an equilibrium for both of my worlds and all, I didn't have a real problem I thought. WRONG.And it didn't take long before it was clear to me that even though functioning, I was a full-blown addict, to both substances. As is how addictions vicious and powerful influence over people works, I believed being high was the one and only way to make my emotional pain go away, and if the height of my active addiction, heck I needed substances to just function daily. I HATED being sober, I was physiologically mentally and emotionally addicted. I hated what I had become. and hate is a word I do not use lightly.. back in the summer, a severe depression knocked the wind out of my sails from out of nowhere it seemed, (it wasn't due to the pandemic) and i unfortunately know depression and this was something different I'd never in my life felt anything similar to. A relentless, soul consuming, deep omnious dark hole type of depression. I was drowning in my own mind. I wasn't suicidal but each day I didn't care if I lived or died honestly.I prayed as hard as I ever have for God to please help me see why. For as terrible as it was being depressed, I had no ballpark range clue as to why???
why was i crying non-stop, had ZERO interests, couldn't concentrate, ALWAYS in bed, classic depression symptoms, only intensed by 10. My only interest was doing drugs of course, I was so down and out I hadn't the energy to communicate with the few "decent, non drug using" friends I still had left on this Earth. I simply didn't care about anything. Then one day, even though in a drug-induced fog still, God allowed that fog to lift long enough for me to see. See what was wrong, see why I was so depressed, He answered my prayer and it was very humbling. Not only did he show me what I needed to do to get out of the depression I was in, He revealed to me just how sick I was. I've always been so self-aware yet by being so wrapped up in and engulfed by my own addiction, I couldn't see THAT was the cause of my depression. I use this metaphor to explain: its like I wanted AND needed to emerge so badly from a shipwreck that was killing me and now settled at the bottom of the ocean, and I was severely perplexed why I couldn't emerge and come up... yet there I was, holding on fiercely to the anchor firmly planted, like it had cement around it and I was stubbornly refusing to let go. When Letting go of the anchor ( drugs) and swimming with all my might upwards towards the light (my journey w /sobriety) was the solution to my biggest problem. I'm not out of the water yet, but my head is above water and I'm swimming everyday to the shore of continued and lasting sobriety. I know it hasn't been all that long but on a Thursday in September I decided to do the unthinkable, try out what I've been so afraid of; being sober. I know I've mentioned God, but I'm no bible thumper, but I know He is assisting me, but it's been super hard. Just truly a "one day at a time"ordeal. Honestly its like getting to know myself all over again. I tried to give you guys a pretty good picture of the potential support situation in my small town, it's just a flop. So thus far, I've been quite alone in my new journey. But I'm still very optimistic. I've done tons of reflecting, going deep inside my own psyche, and just flat-out thinking. I've done more internal thought processing than I ever thought I would when I first began to think of sobriety is a true possibility. So here and Now is the time I need you guys. I know external support is extremely valuable and critical to success in sobriety, especially in these early days, so here I am. I need to connect with others who I can talk openly with and not feel ashamed of myself or worry that I'm making them uncomfortable simply by speaking of addiction. I'm beyond thrilled I found this support group. I'm not ashamed anymore to say I'm a recovering addict. But that's the beauty of it, I truly believe with determination, SUPPORT, and a purpose to live for, each and every one of us have so much potential to live sober happy healthy lives. For way too long, my terrible coping skills had caused me to subconsciously push myself in an alternate reality, one where I felt as little pain as possible from a traumatic experiences life had dealt me, and in turn, that led to my destructive self-medicating. I feel like I've wasted years of my life I'll never get back. I know I wasn't actually "in the moment" for good times, just in an effort to avoid the bad. But this isn't about the past and what could have been, or years that I will never get back. I've learned in these past several weeks the power of being positive. SO, this is about the here and the now.
And here I am, with you all.
By joining this group NOW is the time I'm taking another step in order for a brighter future. NOW is the time where I'm actually EXCITED! Excited to not feel so alone anymore, and so empty when I'm trying so hard to do right. NOW is the time for me to meet and have meaningful conversations w/ you wonderful people, people w/ kindred spirits, who I KNOW will be a splendid addition to my life. I'm looking forward to actually connecting with people who get it. Maybe we'll have a lot in common or maybe only a little, but I look forward to hearing from anyone who reads my intro/welcome post here and feels compelled to reach out. I believe in each and every one of you and I know that with each other's help/care/support, we can reach our goals.
Let me back up some and start by saying this: I'm a perfect example of all that glitters aint gold. For longer than I care to remember, people have judged me on the outside, on what they see. Not to sound cliche, but I truly believe 100% that beauty is what's on the inside. So I certainly hope I dont sound vain when I say Im aware Im not "aesthetically unpleasing". But Pretty doesn't equal happy. Anyways, combine that w/ a few material possessions and having my college degree (few people choose to go beyond 12th grade here) and voila! People believe I have it all, I mean made in the shade, livin' it up w/ the Kardashians kinda life (which don't get me wrong I'm very grateful for what I've been blessed with and for my own accomplishments) but I come from a hard-working middle-class family we have nothing super fancy, but in my town, stereotyping is terribly bad. No one seems to hear what you say. if you're young and pretty, you're a bimbo waiting for the mall to open is what the young girls around here say (which btw, here, ya gotta drive 80+ miles simply to go anywhere besides Walmart) point being nobody cares I'm trying very hard to change my life. I don't have any support. In my town of about 600 people, (so small, all we have a post office and a convenience store) I can say from experience these people are small-minded and understand addiction about as well as quantum physics. The few attempts I have made to reach out have been an epic fail to say the least. THE SAD FACT is that people around here simply DON'T CARE to get it. Mental health, addiction, none of it. It's like I'm not allowed to have issues, those are reserved only for people who have problems you can actually SEE. "What do you have to be depressed about?" Or if I dare mention the D word, drugs, the atmosphere automatically turned harsh and I would hear "you're so much smarter than that! Don't want to ruin those pretty looks" or a snippy judgmental "you shoulda got help or better yet never started the mess" with the most disgusted looks on their faces. I got so disheartened with my attempts to find someone to talk with, anyone. Instead of even making a halfway connection, I always just ended up defending my right to feel things and to have emotions. We all have emotion.. and that's perfectly okay. I'm human, I mess up, everyone does. That's okay too. Small towns are just plain bizarre. Limited judgmental and bizarre. People so easily forget ANYTHING to do with internal feelings in this town. Unfortunately I have endured much loss in my 28 years. I don't want to sound like "poor pitiful me" at all, truly that is not my goal here; but to know this sheds light on what I believe to be one of the main reasons behind my substance abuse.....by the time I was 25 over half of those I loved in my nuclear family had passed away. my life and normalcy forever changed so quickly. Many I lost were young and it was sudden and tragic. Starting at age 6 with my father dying unexpectedly, and before I could properly deal with one loss, another would occur. It was like a pattern almost. Emotional trauma will take its toll on any of us. I don't remember much from my childhood. As I got older **** kept happening, and I just couldn't cope. So I began self-medicating with illicit drugs. I started out like anyone else, just dabbling every once in awhile. Methamphetamine and norcos (no script) were my two DOC. Meth was the first devil I encountered. At first I was only very occasional w/ my use, but then that increased to a few times a week. Fast forward 4 yrs and a friend gives me half a pain pill for a backache, if only I had known (with both drugs) what just dabbling would eventually lead to. But not at first, at first it just started with 1 pill a day 3 times a week at most, then 1 every other day, but of course the day came where if I didn't have a 10 mg hydrocodone or oxycodone EVERY DAY, I physically and mentally felt like ****. I was never out of pills long, I would make it my mission to obtain them, which I could do with ease. At this point I was also using meth everyday, yet I truly believed I had my meth use "in control and under wraps" (like such exists ha) boy was I foolish for ever thinking that. but nonetheless I was a thriving honor student in college and due to that fact, for over 3 yrs I really believed I could balance the drug life and a productive life. I now feel ashamed saying I thought this way, but I actually remember feeling grateful, that I'd somehow found a balance, I was convinced of it. Afterall My life was going along smooth and productively, I was actually happy, having found the secret to an equilibrium for both of my worlds and all, I didn't have a real problem I thought. WRONG.And it didn't take long before it was clear to me that even though functioning, I was a full-blown addict, to both substances. As is how addictions vicious and powerful influence over people works, I believed being high was the one and only way to make my emotional pain go away, and if the height of my active addiction, heck I needed substances to just function daily. I HATED being sober, I was physiologically mentally and emotionally addicted. I hated what I had become. and hate is a word I do not use lightly.. back in the summer, a severe depression knocked the wind out of my sails from out of nowhere it seemed, (it wasn't due to the pandemic) and i unfortunately know depression and this was something different I'd never in my life felt anything similar to. A relentless, soul consuming, deep omnious dark hole type of depression. I was drowning in my own mind. I wasn't suicidal but each day I didn't care if I lived or died honestly.I prayed as hard as I ever have for God to please help me see why. For as terrible as it was being depressed, I had no ballpark range clue as to why???
why was i crying non-stop, had ZERO interests, couldn't concentrate, ALWAYS in bed, classic depression symptoms, only intensed by 10. My only interest was doing drugs of course, I was so down and out I hadn't the energy to communicate with the few "decent, non drug using" friends I still had left on this Earth. I simply didn't care about anything. Then one day, even though in a drug-induced fog still, God allowed that fog to lift long enough for me to see. See what was wrong, see why I was so depressed, He answered my prayer and it was very humbling. Not only did he show me what I needed to do to get out of the depression I was in, He revealed to me just how sick I was. I've always been so self-aware yet by being so wrapped up in and engulfed by my own addiction, I couldn't see THAT was the cause of my depression. I use this metaphor to explain: its like I wanted AND needed to emerge so badly from a shipwreck that was killing me and now settled at the bottom of the ocean, and I was severely perplexed why I couldn't emerge and come up... yet there I was, holding on fiercely to the anchor firmly planted, like it had cement around it and I was stubbornly refusing to let go. When Letting go of the anchor ( drugs) and swimming with all my might upwards towards the light (my journey w /sobriety) was the solution to my biggest problem. I'm not out of the water yet, but my head is above water and I'm swimming everyday to the shore of continued and lasting sobriety. I know it hasn't been all that long but on a Thursday in September I decided to do the unthinkable, try out what I've been so afraid of; being sober. I know I've mentioned God, but I'm no bible thumper, but I know He is assisting me, but it's been super hard. Just truly a "one day at a time"ordeal. Honestly its like getting to know myself all over again. I tried to give you guys a pretty good picture of the potential support situation in my small town, it's just a flop. So thus far, I've been quite alone in my new journey. But I'm still very optimistic. I've done tons of reflecting, going deep inside my own psyche, and just flat-out thinking. I've done more internal thought processing than I ever thought I would when I first began to think of sobriety is a true possibility. So here and Now is the time I need you guys. I know external support is extremely valuable and critical to success in sobriety, especially in these early days, so here I am. I need to connect with others who I can talk openly with and not feel ashamed of myself or worry that I'm making them uncomfortable simply by speaking of addiction. I'm beyond thrilled I found this support group. I'm not ashamed anymore to say I'm a recovering addict. But that's the beauty of it, I truly believe with determination, SUPPORT, and a purpose to live for, each and every one of us have so much potential to live sober happy healthy lives. For way too long, my terrible coping skills had caused me to subconsciously push myself in an alternate reality, one where I felt as little pain as possible from a traumatic experiences life had dealt me, and in turn, that led to my destructive self-medicating. I feel like I've wasted years of my life I'll never get back. I know I wasn't actually "in the moment" for good times, just in an effort to avoid the bad. But this isn't about the past and what could have been, or years that I will never get back. I've learned in these past several weeks the power of being positive. SO, this is about the here and the now.
And here I am, with you all.
By joining this group NOW is the time I'm taking another step in order for a brighter future. NOW is the time where I'm actually EXCITED! Excited to not feel so alone anymore, and so empty when I'm trying so hard to do right. NOW is the time for me to meet and have meaningful conversations w/ you wonderful people, people w/ kindred spirits, who I KNOW will be a splendid addition to my life. I'm looking forward to actually connecting with people who get it. Maybe we'll have a lot in common or maybe only a little, but I look forward to hearing from anyone who reads my intro/welcome post here and feels compelled to reach out. I believe in each and every one of you and I know that with each other's help/care/support, we can reach our goals.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi Sheababy, nice to meet you. Im
aure you'll find lots of support here, this site has been vital to my ongoing recovery
I think this is in the wrong section Dee - I've bumped it to the top so you see it and move it 👍
aure you'll find lots of support here, this site has been vital to my ongoing recovery
I think this is in the wrong section Dee - I've bumped it to the top so you see it and move it 👍
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome Casey 
thanks for sharing a little of your story and whats bought you here.
I know you'll find this place a great help - rediscovering the real me and realising just how resilient and capable that person is without booze and drugs has been an amazing epiphany for me
and yeah I moved your thread to give you greater response - glad to have you join us
D
thanks for sharing a little of your story and whats bought you here.
I know you'll find this place a great help - rediscovering the real me and realising just how resilient and capable that person is without booze and drugs has been an amazing epiphany for me
and yeah I moved your thread to give you greater response - glad to have you join us
D
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Welcome. You can use this place to change your life if you want to.
I have been here a while and everything I know about my addiction to booze I learned here.
It is mostly all about brain damage from addiction. It is permanent. I will crave for life. The addiction morphs for the occasion.
It takes years to normalize, with success along the way, but suffering occurs at various levels during that time.
It involves brain chemicals like dopamine etc.
Once I embraced that I don't need drugs to live, I began to live as designed.
Staying sober has to be automatic like breathing.
Thanks.
I have been here a while and everything I know about my addiction to booze I learned here.
It is mostly all about brain damage from addiction. It is permanent. I will crave for life. The addiction morphs for the occasion.
It takes years to normalize, with success along the way, but suffering occurs at various levels during that time.
It involves brain chemicals like dopamine etc.
Once I embraced that I don't need drugs to live, I began to live as designed.
Staying sober has to be automatic like breathing.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Welcome! Im so glad you found SR.
I do understand the "small town" vibe and all that entails. Thank you for sharing part of your story. This forum has been very instrumental to my own recovery through the years. I hope you find it to be the same.
Keep sharing and posting. I look forward to hearing about your journey!
I do understand the "small town" vibe and all that entails. Thank you for sharing part of your story. This forum has been very instrumental to my own recovery through the years. I hope you find it to be the same.
Keep sharing and posting. I look forward to hearing about your journey!
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