Day 3 again
 

Hi all,
I've been on this site quite a few times, but have never posted until now. I've been struggling with my relationship with alcohol since college (10 years ago) - about 6 weeks ago as I was in the grips of anxiety from another long/forgotten weekend of drinking I decided it was time for me to do something about it. I made an appointment with my GP told her about my struggle and the control alcohol had on my life. She prescribed me anti-depressants and said don't drink for 6 weeks and we'll have a check-in appointment. I was pretty solid in the beginning and then boom I went on a camping trip with my family and went back to the same drinking cycle. Now I was back to work and struck with the same disappointment and anxiety. Swore off drinking again. Then Halloween happened and I lost all control I just didn't want to feel anything and drank a bottle of wine everyday after work (sometimes I'd start before I was off the clock). Monday rolls around and I'm back to that same horrible low and the awful shame of worrying about a mistake I might have made at work or will I get fired.

I'm on Day 3 of not drinking today and had my follow-up appointment with my GP yesterday. I think I've proven to myself that I can't handle drinking and not only that I don't want to drink. I need to put a more serious plan into place to deal with the triggers/urges. I thought here would be a good first place to start since I always turn to these forums, but never actively engaged. I've looked into AA meetings near me but I've been too nervous to take any action. I know I can't do it on my own and I'm looking for support and/or any suggestions anyone would like to provide.

I'm so glad you posted, Bodhi. This is a great place for encouragement & understanding. We all know the feelings you're speaking of.

3 days is a very big deal. I'm glad you have assistance from your GP. I spent so many years insisting I could manage the amounts I drank - I wanted more than anything to not let go of it. But why? In the end it was bringing me unbelievable pain and suffering. It tortures us. You can stay free of it, Bodhi. Congratulations for making this big decision to change your life.

If you go to AA I think you will be suprised how much you have in common with other alcoholics.

Drinking is a symptom of alcoholism. We drink because we are alcoholics, we are not alcoholics because we drink. Check out some different meetings and maybe in a few weeks you will find somebody that you think would make a good sponsor. They can take you through the 12 steps. This treats the root causes of our drinking.

From my teens into early 40s i could not imagine a life without alcohol. Once i bought into the program so much anxiety was lifted off my shoulders.

Welcome to the family. :hug: I quit drinking almost 11 yrs ago and it's the best decision I ever made. :) My life is so much simpler, no drama, no fear.

I wake up feeling good. I don't spend money on wine that should go for bills. I don't risk my safely and others' safety by driving drunk. I again have the trust of my kids. There's not one thing about drinking that I miss - on the contrary, I'm so glad to be done with it. :)

Read around and post as you like, especially if you feel the urge to drink. Post here instead and let us try our best to talk you out of it. :hug:

Did you drink while on the Anti Ds?

If so, I heard that is another level of hell to pull out of.

Based on that, if you find yourself about to relapse, you need to tell your GP.

If you don't things may continue to degenerate

Thanks.

I realised I had a problem around twenty years ago. It took over ten years before I managed to stop for nearly nine months, after which I convinced myself I could handle it again. Gradually I slipped down the path from having the 'odd blowout', to becoming a weekly drinker, and then drinking all weekend, and then every night again. It took me another eight years or so to get where I am today - sober for a whole year! I never intend to drink again, because I genuinely might not have a third chance!

You sound like you're at Step One, as AA call it. You're admitting you are unable to control your drinking. That's a good start. So ask yourself, why - despite realising you have a problem - are you still drinking?

Is it procrastination? That was my problem. I would stop tomorrow, and it actually turns out to be years later.

Both times a mental health crisis is what caused me to stop. I hope you find an easier way.

Welcome Bodhi02

Support really help me so I’m glad to see you join us here. you’ll find tons of help and understanding here.

D

I entirely have the procrastination habit where I’ll say tomorrow I’ll stop and then a week goes by. I also realize when I stop or thought about stopping I get really overwhelmed by future events where having drinks is a mainstay. Like for instance spending time with my husbands family where drinks are always had. I keep thinking about what do I say when offered a glass of wine.

Thank you all for your supportive words and thoughts. It really means a lot to me to be able to share my feelings I’ve been hiding for a long time.

Hi Bodhi.
Please share all you need. Participating here at SR is your start to an alcohol. free life. Like me, even the worst cases recover from addiction. You can too.