Hockey11

Hi there. Never posted on here before but feel i could use the support. I've read a lot on here that has helped me, and feel it's the right thing to add. On day 96 right now after seemingly dismantling my life. There were 2 days in early August that landed me in a psychiatric ward to ensure i didnt harm myself or others. Very humbling to a person that seemingly had their @#$%! together to spend those awful 7 days. For me, it gave me the start on true sobriety, At 48, I can't remember the last time I have been dry this long. I have gone to a few AA meetings and CR. Mostly, i have adopted prayer, and come to the realizatioin I just can't drink. Sad thing was/is, the drink never really made me happier or better at anything. For some reason i just couldn't see that until now. Separated, and my relationship with my 2 kids(20 and 21) is not that good right now. And as for those that talk about losing weight as a positiv.e, the reverse has happened. I eat OK in the day, but chocolate is my new vice I guess...in the past, i steered clear - i guess saving calories for vodka i/o something else. I'll take the extra pounds, but am trying to be healthier all day now and walking at least until my gym re-opens. Thanks for all here. Any words appreciated.

D122y

Until I hit my personal bottom I was not able to quit. The mental anguish, permanent brain damage, hurt too much.

It was like the world was moving to fast. I was sad.

We all use what can to stay clean. I use the science.

Booze altered my body's ability to create dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline, and melatonin. I had a booze created chemical alteration.

While I was drinking, I was still doing heavy physical activity. The heavy strain generated these drugs and I would be on a natural high off and on.

When I quit drinking the brain damage became extremely easy to see. I had anxiety like I never experienced, but I had moments of pure serenity.

Those moments have slowly gotten longer and longer. Now I am mostly calm and serene. This serenity was hard earned.

The only way I know to get to this level of peace is through suffering and time. Relapse and the process starts over.

Hope this keeps you staying as you were designed. Drinking booze is a learned behavior. I unlearned it.

Thanks.

Sober45

Congrats on 96 days and welcome to the family

Hockey11

Thank you, nice to see your words - agree and much needed.

biminiblue

Day 96 is a good start! Keep it going, you'll keep feeling better and better. It took me almost a year before I felt safe, at peace, and centered again. It's a long process. I'm now at nearly seven years and very grateful for the people on this site and for the fact I've stayed sober.

You mentioned prayer. I couldn't have done this without prayer, either. For that first three months I had the Serenity Prayer on a 24/7 loop in my head.

Welcome, Hockey11.

Hockey11

Thanks biminiblue. Appreciate the inspiration for sure. Yeah, i have the prayer on my loop as well, taped to mirror, and on a cross on my wall.