Hello everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 30
Hello everyone
This is my first post here so I just want to say hello and introduce myself...
I'm a 35 year old male from the UK and I have a steadily worsening drinking problem. I keep going through the perpetual relapse/recovery cycle. I'll have a month off followed by a month of drinking and so on. The worrying thing is that the drinking periods are getting worse. I'll polish off half a bottle of spirits in an hour every night, on the weekend I'll drink all day.
From the outside my life looks pretty good, decent career, long term girlfriend, plenty of money, nice house etc. But in truth my life is far from content, I suffer terribly with anxiety and depression, I lead a life completely controlled by fear, a fear I have constructed. Alcohol is the only thing that quietens the noise in my head... of course it also makes it so much worse in the long run, the viscous cycle of addiction.
I'm glad to have found this place and I look forward to being an active member.
Today is day 1 for me.
I'm a 35 year old male from the UK and I have a steadily worsening drinking problem. I keep going through the perpetual relapse/recovery cycle. I'll have a month off followed by a month of drinking and so on. The worrying thing is that the drinking periods are getting worse. I'll polish off half a bottle of spirits in an hour every night, on the weekend I'll drink all day.
From the outside my life looks pretty good, decent career, long term girlfriend, plenty of money, nice house etc. But in truth my life is far from content, I suffer terribly with anxiety and depression, I lead a life completely controlled by fear, a fear I have constructed. Alcohol is the only thing that quietens the noise in my head... of course it also makes it so much worse in the long run, the viscous cycle of addiction.
I'm glad to have found this place and I look forward to being an active member.
Today is day 1 for me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Welcome Pureself - it's so good to have you with us. I felt so much better when I could talk things over with those who understood.
Like you, I thought alcohol was a comforting friend - something to help me feel more at ease. It ended up doing just the opposite.
At 35 you're much younger than I was when I finally decided to quit. Be thankful you have acknowledged there's a problem. I kept insisting I could use willpower to just have a few now and then. That way of thinking led me to complete dependence & every day drinking. This won't happen to you.
Like you, I thought alcohol was a comforting friend - something to help me feel more at ease. It ended up doing just the opposite.
At 35 you're much younger than I was when I finally decided to quit. Be thankful you have acknowledged there's a problem. I kept insisting I could use willpower to just have a few now and then. That way of thinking led me to complete dependence & every day drinking. This won't happen to you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Welcome to the family! 
You've come to a good place for support and friendship. 
Stay strong and don't drink. The first week or so can be a bumpy ride but it will get better, a little at a time.
I hope we can help you as much as SR has helped me. Read and post often, especially if you have the urge to drink. Post here instead and we'll try our best to talk you out of it.
You've come to a good place for support and friendship. Stay strong and don't drink. The first week or so can be a bumpy ride but it will get better, a little at a time.I hope we can help you as much as SR has helped me.
Read and post often, especially if you have the urge to drink. Post here instead and we'll try our best to talk you out of it. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Toronto Area
Posts: 25
Pureself,
I can relate to what you wrote and wish that I had quit at 35 years of age, as opposed to 18 years later! I held it together pretty well through the years of suffering and cycles of quitting/relapsing, but towards the end, I needed to self medicate all day, every day to continue to function and keep the self inflicted anxiety at bay. It was no longer a sustainable situation, even though nothing really terrible occurred, it was just a matter of time before something did. I'm very relieved that it is over with now and feel much more comfortable in my skin with 4 months of continuous sobriety.
Good luck in your journey and I hope that you can exit the secret nightmare sooner that I did.
I can relate to what you wrote and wish that I had quit at 35 years of age, as opposed to 18 years later! I held it together pretty well through the years of suffering and cycles of quitting/relapsing, but towards the end, I needed to self medicate all day, every day to continue to function and keep the self inflicted anxiety at bay. It was no longer a sustainable situation, even though nothing really terrible occurred, it was just a matter of time before something did. I'm very relieved that it is over with now and feel much more comfortable in my skin with 4 months of continuous sobriety.
Good luck in your journey and I hope that you can exit the secret nightmare sooner that I did.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
WELCOME!
This forum has been such a great tool for my sobriety.
I do understand the anxiety and depression. Most of here can relate to those states. My own anxiety was crippling when I was actively drinking. The depressive states were also pretty severe. I just kept feeding my alcoholism and living in a cycle of hell.
I do not experience the anxiety any longer, nor am I depressed. It took me a little more than one week to really start to feel better once I quit drinking. The gift of time.
Addiction is such a ******* bummer. Dealing with it day in and day out is draining and it creates so much chaos. If its not external chaos then its mental and emotional chaos. A person can get real tired of living that way. Recovering from addiction does take real hard work, but the work is 100% worth it.
Please stay with us and continue to post. Its so important to feel happy and content in the life that we are living. You deserve it!
This forum has been such a great tool for my sobriety.
I do understand the anxiety and depression. Most of here can relate to those states. My own anxiety was crippling when I was actively drinking. The depressive states were also pretty severe. I just kept feeding my alcoholism and living in a cycle of hell.
I do not experience the anxiety any longer, nor am I depressed. It took me a little more than one week to really start to feel better once I quit drinking. The gift of time.
Addiction is such a ******* bummer. Dealing with it day in and day out is draining and it creates so much chaos. If its not external chaos then its mental and emotional chaos. A person can get real tired of living that way. Recovering from addiction does take real hard work, but the work is 100% worth it.
Please stay with us and continue to post. Its so important to feel happy and content in the life that we are living. You deserve it!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Welcome, Pureself.
Many of us here self-medicated with alcohol to manage anxiety/depression. You have come to a great place for support and understanding. There are healthy ways to deal with anxiety and in fact, stopping drinking will probably help to relieve some of your anxiety.
Many of us here self-medicated with alcohol to manage anxiety/depression. You have come to a great place for support and understanding. There are healthy ways to deal with anxiety and in fact, stopping drinking will probably help to relieve some of your anxiety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 30
Thank you everyone.
It feels good to be in a place where it seems I belong. The real world seems very lonely and it feels like I'm the only person who's struggling (I know that can't be true though)
Day 2 today. I will not drink tonight.
It feels good to be in a place where it seems I belong. The real world seems very lonely and it feels like I'm the only person who's struggling (I know that can't be true though)
Day 2 today. I will not drink tonight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Mizz P 
HI, PS.
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
I feel very vulnerable to relapse though, I'm not going to lie.
I have walked down the alcohol section of the local shop a couple of times and i feel like I've been very much on the tipping point of buying Booze.
I'm feeling like all of the obvious benefits like improved sleep, lessened anxiety, clearer mind etc are not enough to keep me sober right now but we'll see.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Pureself
I'm doing ok thanks Mizz P. Day 4 today and life is undoubtedly better than when drinking.
I feel very vulnerable to relapse though, I'm not going to lie.
I have walked down the alcohol section of the local shop a couple of times and i feel like I've been very much on the tipping point of buying Booze.
I'm feeling like all of the obvious benefits like improved sleep, lessened anxiety, clearer mind etc are not enough to keep me sober right now but we'll see.
I feel very vulnerable to relapse though, I'm not going to lie.
I have walked down the alcohol section of the local shop a couple of times and i feel like I've been very much on the tipping point of buying Booze.
I'm feeling like all of the obvious benefits like improved sleep, lessened anxiety, clearer mind etc are not enough to keep me sober right now but we'll see.
Its hard to avoid the alcohol aisle in a store. Its everywhere. I hope you stay close and continue to post. Give yourself the gift of time. The idea of drinking or wanting to drink does lessen. You are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Welcome! I can relate to so much of what you posted. Alcohol starts out as the answer to our anxiety, and over time, creeps in as the cause untll we can't seperate the two. One of the things that really helped me, especially early on in my sobriety, is to avoid romanticizing alcohol at all costs, and not entertaining any thoughts that it was something great I was missing out on. I really believe that was one of the main reasons I was able to finally get some traction in my recovery. When I thought about drinking as a good idea, I said "NO," often out loud. I avoided looking at alcohol in the grocery store, and would walk way out of my way to avoid it as though it was going to attack me! I know it sounds ridiculous, but it did help me to treat it as the threatening poison it is, especially at the beginning. Almost 3 years later, I don't need to do it anymore, but in the early days it definitely saved me. Keep posting, we are here to help!
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