Greetings Everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 24
Greetings Everyone
Must admit, I have largely been a lurker on this site for about 5 years, and forgot my old username, so I created another.
Much like all on this forum, I have had more day ones and twos than I care to admit, so here I am, on day 2 again.
Sadly, a couple of years ago, I thought that I was well on my way to ending the madness. My wife of 20 years and I( and girlfriend since 18, I’m now 48) talked about my commitment to go to 28 day rehab program. I eagerly went into the program and had to also quit taking Klonopin in order to enter the program cold turkey. I had been taking this for 30 years for panic disorder.
I had never been so hopeful and excited about recovery. I was all in! I put in the work and came out determined and was attending meetings and on my way.
Strangely, after about 6 weeks and with inpatient behind me, I experienced some sort of manic/psychotic episode. During this period, I actually called my wife’s father to express my sympathy regarding her passing. That happened, but yeah, you guessed it, she was not dead.
Doctors were not sure if it was Klonopin withdrawal/bipolar that caused this episode. I went to a week of outpatient psych following this and was treated for bipolar. While at outpatient, she changed the locks on my house. It was in my name, but so as to not cause a scene in front of our two kids, I went to stay at my mothers. She strung me along for a several months before I came to the realization that she had no desire to work this out. I lived at my mothers house for a year while paying for a house I did not live in.
My wife used the fact that I went to rehab against me during the divorce process and her father and brothers are all attorneys, so made it financially impossible to fight. I only get my kids every other weekend and on Wednesday for dinner.
I made it 6 months without drinking during what was the most difficult/stressful time in my life, but eventually caved during the divorce process.
Since this time, I have been on and off and it is now caused new symptoms I never experienced before. Neuropathy, confusion, hyponetremia to name a few.
What a horrible, selfish disease this is.
Much like all on this forum, I have had more day ones and twos than I care to admit, so here I am, on day 2 again.
Sadly, a couple of years ago, I thought that I was well on my way to ending the madness. My wife of 20 years and I( and girlfriend since 18, I’m now 48) talked about my commitment to go to 28 day rehab program. I eagerly went into the program and had to also quit taking Klonopin in order to enter the program cold turkey. I had been taking this for 30 years for panic disorder.
I had never been so hopeful and excited about recovery. I was all in! I put in the work and came out determined and was attending meetings and on my way.
Strangely, after about 6 weeks and with inpatient behind me, I experienced some sort of manic/psychotic episode. During this period, I actually called my wife’s father to express my sympathy regarding her passing. That happened, but yeah, you guessed it, she was not dead.
Doctors were not sure if it was Klonopin withdrawal/bipolar that caused this episode. I went to a week of outpatient psych following this and was treated for bipolar. While at outpatient, she changed the locks on my house. It was in my name, but so as to not cause a scene in front of our two kids, I went to stay at my mothers. She strung me along for a several months before I came to the realization that she had no desire to work this out. I lived at my mothers house for a year while paying for a house I did not live in.
My wife used the fact that I went to rehab against me during the divorce process and her father and brothers are all attorneys, so made it financially impossible to fight. I only get my kids every other weekend and on Wednesday for dinner.
I made it 6 months without drinking during what was the most difficult/stressful time in my life, but eventually caved during the divorce process.
Since this time, I have been on and off and it is now caused new symptoms I never experienced before. Neuropathy, confusion, hyponetremia to name a few.
What a horrible, selfish disease this is.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sorry about losing decades of money to your wife and her family of lawyers. That is a nightmare for sure. Lawyers are scary folks.
Finding a partner that will stay with me through thick and thin is a matter of pure luck. There is no way to predict that. No way.
I ran the numbers and it would take me about 10 years to get even if me and my wife divorced today. I imagine living w my Mom would reduce that number significantly.
So, maybe you have that going for you. I figure I could work until I am in my mid 70's if I needed to, but I don't really want to. But, I could if I had to.
Anyway....
The brain damage from decades of booze ingestion is permanent. It will only get worse with continued use.
I imagine, since I am not a Dr., that adding meds to the mix increases the permanent brain damage.
The symptoms of addiction are treated like insanity.
I have been clean a reasonably long time and I come here these days to offer my help. Trying to help makes me feel good.
Helping others is part of my sober plan. Just about everything I do is part of it.
Yesterday, I topped a tree in the back yard. It took several hours from start to nearly finished. I felt so good after. I was high as a kite.
Given clean time and knowledge of addiction, us addicts can suffer through the craves by doing activities that generate internal happy drugs (dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline etc.).
I still drink some coffee and take pre work out, but nothing crazy but, I am addicted to both.
The only way I know to get out of addiction is through. Suffering and time.
Learning to live life naturally as I was designed. It didn't come easy and I will not give it up easy.
Thanks.
Finding a partner that will stay with me through thick and thin is a matter of pure luck. There is no way to predict that. No way.
I ran the numbers and it would take me about 10 years to get even if me and my wife divorced today. I imagine living w my Mom would reduce that number significantly.
So, maybe you have that going for you. I figure I could work until I am in my mid 70's if I needed to, but I don't really want to. But, I could if I had to.
Anyway....
The brain damage from decades of booze ingestion is permanent. It will only get worse with continued use.
I imagine, since I am not a Dr., that adding meds to the mix increases the permanent brain damage.
The symptoms of addiction are treated like insanity.
I have been clean a reasonably long time and I come here these days to offer my help. Trying to help makes me feel good.
Helping others is part of my sober plan. Just about everything I do is part of it.
Yesterday, I topped a tree in the back yard. It took several hours from start to nearly finished. I felt so good after. I was high as a kite.
Given clean time and knowledge of addiction, us addicts can suffer through the craves by doing activities that generate internal happy drugs (dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline etc.).
I still drink some coffee and take pre work out, but nothing crazy but, I am addicted to both.
The only way I know to get out of addiction is through. Suffering and time.
Learning to live life naturally as I was designed. It didn't come easy and I will not give it up easy.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome back wharfrat -I'm sorry for all that has happened to you, but I'm glad you're back looking to take action for your own recovery 
D
D
it’s unfortunate that it took so much loss for me to come to where I am, but ruminating about the past and dwelling on it serves no beneficial purpose. Time to move onward and upward!
Also thankful to have my kids this weekend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by D122y
Sorry about losing decades of money to your wife and her family of lawyers. That is a nightmare for sure. Lawyers are scary folks.
Finding a partner that will stay with me through thick and thin is a matter of pure luck. There is no way to predict that. No way.
I ran the numbers and it would take me about 10 years to get even if me and my wife divorced today. I imagine living w my Mom would reduce that number significantly.
So, maybe you have that going for you. I figure I could work until I am in my mid 70's if I needed to, but I don't really want to. But, I could if I had to.
Anyway....
The brain damage from decades of booze ingestion is permanent. It will only get worse with continued use.
I imagine, since I am not a Dr., that adding meds to the mix increases the permanent brain damage.
The symptoms of addiction are treated like insanity.
I have been clean a reasonably long time and I come here these days to offer my help. Trying to help makes me feel good.
Helping others is part of my sober plan. Just about everything I do is part of it.
Yesterday, I topped a tree in the back yard. It took several hours from start to nearly finished. I felt so good after. I was high as a kite.
Given clean time and knowledge of addiction, us addicts can suffer through the craves by doing activities that generate internal happy drugs (dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline etc.).
I still drink some coffee and take pre work out, but nothing crazy but, I am addicted to both.
The only way I know to get out of addiction is through. Suffering and time.
Learning to live life naturally as I was designed. It didn't come easy and I will not give it up easy.
Thanks.
Finding a partner that will stay with me through thick and thin is a matter of pure luck. There is no way to predict that. No way.
I ran the numbers and it would take me about 10 years to get even if me and my wife divorced today. I imagine living w my Mom would reduce that number significantly.
So, maybe you have that going for you. I figure I could work until I am in my mid 70's if I needed to, but I don't really want to. But, I could if I had to.
Anyway....
The brain damage from decades of booze ingestion is permanent. It will only get worse with continued use.
I imagine, since I am not a Dr., that adding meds to the mix increases the permanent brain damage.
The symptoms of addiction are treated like insanity.
I have been clean a reasonably long time and I come here these days to offer my help. Trying to help makes me feel good.
Helping others is part of my sober plan. Just about everything I do is part of it.
Yesterday, I topped a tree in the back yard. It took several hours from start to nearly finished. I felt so good after. I was high as a kite.
Given clean time and knowledge of addiction, us addicts can suffer through the craves by doing activities that generate internal happy drugs (dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline etc.).
I still drink some coffee and take pre work out, but nothing crazy but, I am addicted to both.
The only way I know to get out of addiction is through. Suffering and time.
Learning to live life naturally as I was designed. It didn't come easy and I will not give it up easy.
Thanks.
I am very thankful to have my job of 26 years. It is the only one I have had since graduating college. I should have been terminated for lack of production during this period, but my bosses father was an alcoholic and has been very supportive of me.
I was on Abilify for about a year, but it made me feel nothing, good or bad. I want to feel the pain but also want to feel the positive emotions life has to offer.
Thanks D1.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through this past year. It is good that you are here posting and that you are sober. Just sending you healing light! I hope you continue to post and I look forward to hearing about your healing journey. You are on your way!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,947
Welcome to SR Wharf.
High stressful events do take their toll on a person like you have experienced. Best to keep looking forward and make plans that support your recovery. SR is a place where you will find inspiration and commonality in addiction recovery.
Work it because you're worth it
SR Wharf.High stressful events do take their toll on a person like you have experienced. Best to keep looking forward and make plans that support your recovery. SR is a place where you will find inspiration and commonality in addiction recovery.
Work it because you're worth it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Mizz P
I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through this past year. It is good that you are here posting and that you are sober. Just sending you healing light! I hope you continue to post and I look forward to hearing about your healing journey. You are on your way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Zencat
Welcome to SR Wharf.
High stressful events do take their toll on a person like you have experienced. Best to keep looking forward and make plans that support your recovery. SR is a place where you will find inspiration and commonality in addiction recovery.
Work it because you're worth it
SR Wharf.High stressful events do take their toll on a person like you have experienced. Best to keep looking forward and make plans that support your recovery. SR is a place where you will find inspiration and commonality in addiction recovery.
Work it because you're worth itCommunity Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Good to see you here with us, Wharfrat. It helps so much to be able to talk things over with those who understand.
I'm sorry for the painful times you've been through. I'm glad we've learned that getting numb & stupid does nothing to improve our situation.
Congratulations on your Day 3!
I'm sorry for the painful times you've been through. I'm glad we've learned that getting numb & stupid does nothing to improve our situation.
Congratulations on your Day 3!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Good to see you here with us, Wharfrat. It helps so much to be able to talk things over with those who understand.
I'm sorry for the painful times you've been through. I'm glad we've learned that getting numb & stupid does nothing to improve our situation.
Congratulations on your Day 3!
I'm sorry for the painful times you've been through. I'm glad we've learned that getting numb & stupid does nothing to improve our situation.
Congratulations on your Day 3!
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