50 Days. Bah.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,757
50 Days. Bah.
Well I'm 50 days today and I can't say I'm enjoying it a whole lot. AV is very active which is disappointing. I thought it'd have quieted down by now. Even now with the off licence closed, I hear the siren song of hand sanitizer.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
50 days is awesome, you should be very proud and I am sorry you are still struggling with your AV . But, the hand sanitizer is just plain stupid, there is no "siren song". Seriously just stop with that nonsense. Really, if you are going to relapse and I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT THINK YOU SHOULD please do not do it with something that can kill you way quicker than just straight booze. Either way, I think you will regret it. You don't want to start all over, yet again.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Glad you posted vs drink hand sanitizer. Heavy exercise is what got/gets me through. The endorphins lasted for several hours. Now they seem to last for days.
I am waking up and just being happy to be alive and healthy. But, my addict mind sees success as a reason to drink. Addicts drink for all occasions.
American politics are bugging all of us here right now. It is like the country is nearly split down the middle and then being manipulated. Scary. Blah, blah, blah. I am not going to get political because it is not my strength for sure. It just sucks that I am feeling stressed from it.
Anyway...
I find that I can put that out of my mind when I think about the success I have had taking care of myself and my family.
50 days is amazing. The physical addiction is all the way gone. All the way. Now it is the normalization. That takes years. The crave lasts. Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
Addict for life.
Thanks.
I am waking up and just being happy to be alive and healthy. But, my addict mind sees success as a reason to drink. Addicts drink for all occasions.
American politics are bugging all of us here right now. It is like the country is nearly split down the middle and then being manipulated. Scary. Blah, blah, blah. I am not going to get political because it is not my strength for sure. It just sucks that I am feeling stressed from it.
Anyway...
I find that I can put that out of my mind when I think about the success I have had taking care of myself and my family.
50 days is amazing. The physical addiction is all the way gone. All the way. Now it is the normalization. That takes years. The crave lasts. Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
Addict for life.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 112
Your AV will quiet down eventually. You simply have to be patient. When will it happen? It varies from person to person but generally speaking after 3-months most people notice serious changes in the urges. Hang in there man.
One thing I can guarantee you is if you do drink again your AV will come back stronger than before. Not only that I guarantee you'll regret it. Keep going 50-days is great you don't want to go all the way back to Day-1 and have that awful feeling of failure.
One thing I can guarantee you is if you do drink again your AV will come back stronger than before. Not only that I guarantee you'll regret it. Keep going 50-days is great you don't want to go all the way back to Day-1 and have that awful feeling of failure.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,757
Originally Posted by Dee74 
What kinds of things are you doing to stay sober FF?
D
D
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by freedomfries
Mostly listening to recovery audiobooks. I'm trying to practice AVRT but I'm finding myself indulging the AV. I know I should just recognize it as not me, but it's easy to slip into imagining having a can.
I had to log in to see if you deleted your signature pledge, because when I read your post it sounds like you think your pledge is meaningless. Are you sorry you made that pledge?
That pledge is actually your insurance policy that even if you stop doing AVRT you won’t drink.
That pledge stands alone as having ended your drinking alcohol for the rest of your life - obviously - that’s what it says.
I believe you knew what it meant when you did it, and now is the time to reflect on having made it. When you made it. Why you made it.
I’ve thought rhetorically about how I could get out of MY pledge of permanent abstinence and realized I could only do it if were able to have lied to myself. So, I tried to see if I COULD lie to myself, and I can’t figure out how to do it. I cannot lie to myself, because I know it’s a lie when I make it up. I don’t think you can lie to yourself either. See, that’s the beauty of the pledge. When your AV seems strong, your pledge simply rules out ever acting upon ITS desire to find and swallow alcohol. RIGHT??
So, you’re going to just have to live with never feeling that pleasure from alcohol ever again. You knew that was the only down side in the long run. Your AV is happy you are wallowing in recovery stories and dissing your Big Plan as if you are still trying to figure out how to stay stopped.
You have a terse quality to your posts. I would love to hear from you what are the upsides of having made your Big Plan.
GT
PS: You posted this in September:
”I feel like alcohol is an abusive ex boyfriend. It's tempting to remember the good times and feel nostalgic for it, but we broke up for good reason.”
Well, there are a lot of “boys” out there that aren’t abusive looking for partners. Would you be interested in finding one someday?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
50 days is truly great progress, freedomfries, but in the scope of recovery it is still early times. Continuing to build your sober tool box remains important. Maybe think about what you can add to your toolbox and to your Sober Plan. Some time spent in daily guided meditation; daily deep breathing; engaging in a daily activity where you know you won’t drink - a long walk, a run; swimming laps at an indoor pool; taking in a Zoom AA meeting - simply listening could be beneficial.
stay close, freedomfries. The really good stuff awaits you.
stay close, freedomfries. The really good stuff awaits you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Hi FF, Shakeel posted this in another thread, I like this great infographic regarding addiction and neuroplasticity. On reflection, I stopped drinking by learning about the process of addiction and how neuroplasticity meant that every time I ignored the AV ( my inner-addict neural pathway, the AV would weaken, because my brain formed a new pathway with the passage of time.
Such information gave me hope. I could never have stopped drinking without hope, because there is simply no way I could ever eliminate all outer so-called triggers, to include stress and boredom, that set off my AV. So I had to deal with the AV/addiction as a distinct internal issue; and once I became a non-drinker (and importantly, accepted that I could never revert to a normal drinker status) I was then free to deal with the external factors, and try to improve my life. Hope this helps:
Such information gave me hope. I could never have stopped drinking without hope, because there is simply no way I could ever eliminate all outer so-called triggers, to include stress and boredom, that set off my AV. So I had to deal with the AV/addiction as a distinct internal issue; and once I became a non-drinker (and importantly, accepted that I could never revert to a normal drinker status) I was then free to deal with the external factors, and try to improve my life. Hope this helps:
Originally Posted by shakeel
You could also read this interesting article on how the brain heals itself from addiction:
Google The Brain that Heals Itself: Neuroplasticity and Promise for Addiction
Google The Brain that Heals Itself: Neuroplasticity and Promise for Addiction
Last edited by Dee74; 11-10-2020 at 12:38 PM. Reason: removed commercial link
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Have faith that it will get easier and better, because it will. You're at a point where pushing through days like this will really make a difference to your attitude and belief in yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
The "siren song of hand sanitizer" was a one hit wonder FF. It'll never work in the long haul and that's why you are here. All of us here. It gets easier and those thoughts will fade. Alcohol will scatter them confusingly.
Give yourself time to work on the reasons you are in hospital.
Just don't drink it's the one thing you can 'control'.
Give yourself time to work on the reasons you are in hospital.
Just don't drink it's the one thing you can 'control'.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,757
Originally Posted by GerandTwine
Hi FF
I had to log in to see if you deleted your signature pledge, because when I read your post it sounds like you think your pledge is meaningless. Are you sorry you made that pledge?
That pledge is actually your insurance policy that even if you stop doing AVRT you won’t drink.
That pledge stands alone as having ended your drinking alcohol for the rest of your life - obviously - that’s what it says.
I believe you knew what it meant when you did it, and now is the time to reflect on having made it. When you made it. Why you made it.
I’ve thought rhetorically about how I could get out of MY pledge of permanent abstinence and realized I could only do it if were able to have lied to myself. So, I tried to see if I COULD lie to myself, and I can’t figure out how to do it. I cannot lie to myself, because I know it’s a lie when I make it up. I don’t think you can lie to yourself either. See, that’s the beauty of the pledge. When your AV seems strong, your pledge simply rules out ever acting upon ITS desire to find and swallow alcohol. RIGHT??
So, you’re going to just have to live with never feeling that pleasure from alcohol ever again. You knew that was the only down side in the long run. Your AV is happy you are wallowing in recovery stories and dissing your Big Plan as if you are still trying to figure out how to stay stopped.
You have a terse quality to your posts. I would love to hear from you what are the upsides of having made your Big Plan.
GT
PS: You posted this in September:
”I feel like alcohol is an abusive ex boyfriend. It's tempting to remember the good times and feel nostalgic for it, but we broke up for good reason.”
Well, there are a lot of “boys” out there that aren’t abusive looking for partners. Would you be interested in finding one someday?
I had to log in to see if you deleted your signature pledge, because when I read your post it sounds like you think your pledge is meaningless. Are you sorry you made that pledge?
That pledge is actually your insurance policy that even if you stop doing AVRT you won’t drink.
That pledge stands alone as having ended your drinking alcohol for the rest of your life - obviously - that’s what it says.
I believe you knew what it meant when you did it, and now is the time to reflect on having made it. When you made it. Why you made it.
I’ve thought rhetorically about how I could get out of MY pledge of permanent abstinence and realized I could only do it if were able to have lied to myself. So, I tried to see if I COULD lie to myself, and I can’t figure out how to do it. I cannot lie to myself, because I know it’s a lie when I make it up. I don’t think you can lie to yourself either. See, that’s the beauty of the pledge. When your AV seems strong, your pledge simply rules out ever acting upon ITS desire to find and swallow alcohol. RIGHT??
So, you’re going to just have to live with never feeling that pleasure from alcohol ever again. You knew that was the only down side in the long run. Your AV is happy you are wallowing in recovery stories and dissing your Big Plan as if you are still trying to figure out how to stay stopped.
You have a terse quality to your posts. I would love to hear from you what are the upsides of having made your Big Plan.
GT
PS: You posted this in September:
”I feel like alcohol is an abusive ex boyfriend. It's tempting to remember the good times and feel nostalgic for it, but we broke up for good reason.”
Well, there are a lot of “boys” out there that aren’t abusive looking for partners. Would you be interested in finding one someday?
There are lots of obvious benefits of sobriety. No legal trouble, no doing or saying things I regret, no horrible anxiety post binge.
I suppose I would like a partner. And I guess it's possible now I'm sober.
Originally Posted by GerandTwine
HI FF,
So, how does it feel when you think that your family and neighbors are starting to get a fresh new image of who you are as a non-drinker?
GT
So, how does it feel when you think that your family and neighbors are starting to get a fresh new image of who you are as a non-drinker?
GT
I passed my next door neighbor on the street today and I didn't smell of booze and wasn't returning from the off licence. Though she might have assumed there was alcohol in my backpack.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Freedomfries, 50 days is a solid accomplishment, and yet it's still early recovery. Very early.
I'd compare it with being just out of ICU after a serious surgery and just starting to learn how to function in your new reality.
Expectations and "shoulds" are dangerous - they bring destructive comparisons and make you doubt yourself "Am I doing something wrong?".
When I quit my emotions were all over the place at least for 90 days.
Stick to the plan, take care of your sobriety - take my word for it that at some point it will take care of you.
Best wishes.
I'd compare it with being just out of ICU after a serious surgery and just starting to learn how to function in your new reality.
Expectations and "shoulds" are dangerous - they bring destructive comparisons and make you doubt yourself "Am I doing something wrong?".
When I quit my emotions were all over the place at least for 90 days.
Stick to the plan, take care of your sobriety - take my word for it that at some point it will take care of you.
Best wishes.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by freedomfries
There are upshots to the big plan. I guess in theory it eliminates the "drink! Don't drink!" internal argument. But there are times when I forget the big plan and get into the argument. I need to remind myself of the big plan when it happens.
There are lots of obvious benefits of sobriety. No legal trouble, no doing or saying things I regret, no horrible anxiety post binge.
I suppose I would like a partner. And I guess it's possible now I'm sober.
It's good. My relationship with my parents and some siblings is better. Other siblings will take time.
I passed my next door neighbor on the street today and I didn't smell of booze and wasn't returning from the off licence. Though she might have assumed there was alcohol in my backpack.
There are lots of obvious benefits of sobriety. No legal trouble, no doing or saying things I regret, no horrible anxiety post binge.
I suppose I would like a partner. And I guess it's possible now I'm sober.
It's good. My relationship with my parents and some siblings is better. Other siblings will take time.
I passed my next door neighbor on the street today and I didn't smell of booze and wasn't returning from the off licence. Though she might have assumed there was alcohol in my backpack.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
FF - 50 is great, congrats. I think Dee's post is valuable - what else can you add to your plan to fortify your sobriety? I focused on getting in really good shape and used that as a platform to make other positive changes. Not everyone is into working out - what can you add that you care about that allows you to take advantage of your sobriety?
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