BeABetterMan

...said no one successfully. I can't do it myself. I can not do it myself. I have to remind myself of this. I've been cruising along, checking off the days of sobriety. I think I'm around 100 now, not sure. I've been going to AA like a maniac. And loving it. Loving the transformation. Loving the people and the growth. But I've been cheating, not working the steps. Since my sponsor went back out last year I've gone without one. And lately, as chronicled in some of my other posts I've been struggling physically and mentally. I think it's from my brain and body adjusting to sobriety and the fact that I recently quit my SSRI antidepressant (I did it slowly). While unfortunately, quitting the meds did not improve the mental or physical symptoms I've had, it hasn't really made them worse, except one thing. One crappy thing. Obsessive thinking. I am noticing that once my mind gets linked up to something, it's not as easy to let it go as it has been. And I've been trying to think my way out of problems.

I had a lady friend from my AA home group call me last night. She was worried about me. She's noticed a change in me. She was also worried because I shared that I was disappointed in some destructive behavior I engaged in yesterday and was feeling down about it. She gave me a good talking to and basically convinced me of what I already knew. I need to get a sponsor. I can not think my way out of my problems. Thinking my way out of my problems ALWAYS. ENDS. BAD. I have to work with another crazy person to help me with my crazy.

So, I texted a cool guy from one of my meetings that I have only seen/met once and asked him to sponsor me. He said yes, we start tomorrow. I'm an awful person to sponsor because I fawking know every fawking thing. So dude has his work cut out for him. But it's a start.

I can not do this by myself.

Zevin

Thanks for this post, BABM. It was a good message for me to hear right now.

Sober45

Awesome work BABM. You're following your gut and taking action. Just keep doing what you're doing. I'm a "know-it-all" too...as stubborn as can be!

Mizz

Good for you! All of that makes sense.

When I was last sober (2 years ago) I had a few weeks shy of a year. All of that time was a solo adventure with this forum. This forum did help me in many many ways. It was my lifeline for many months. However, I needed more help and I honestly was not able to get more help.

I commend you for reaching out to another person and asking him to sponsor you.

Do you need/ want to continue with the meds due to obsessive thinking? Is this obsessive thinking going to drive you to some known location that says "Do not enter. Dead end" and then there is a 6 pack of beer waiting?

You know yourself and so trust your gut here.

shakeel

I could never do this by myself neither, I have tried many times in vain. Good luck to you with the new sponsor.

Zebra1275

I tried for years to get sober by myself.

Then I had the insight to realize that the person giving me advice on how to get sober, was actually a drunk that couldn't stop drinking themselves. And that person was me.

BeABetterMan

Thanks for the input Mizz. I don't like what the meds do to me, and they were actually prescribed for IBS and were effective. I've noticed that I am able to better manage my IBS now through diet, stress management, alcohol elimination, etc. That being said, I won't be reckless and/or foolish with my meds. If I need to go back, then I will.

Mizz

AWESOME! I hear you about medications. I was once on prescribed meds for depression and anxiety. Those meds really messed with my head and the withdrawal off of them was horrendous. Western meds have a place in our life and I am so thankful they are there for people. If I ever need them again, I know where to go. Its good to hear that your IBS is under control now with diet and stress. YOU ARE KILLIN IT!

Keep on keeping on, BABM!
Have a wonderful day.

nez

You are the one who is being cheated. I was in and around the program of AA for 11 years without working the steps. During that time my longest stretch of sobriety was 5 years, but my fawked up obsessive thinking was still running rampant. After 11 years, when I finally got around to working the 12 steps, my thought processes began to slowly change. While still not perfect, the difference is night and day. I am no longer trying to fit the universe to Nez and am better able to fit Nez into the universe. What a concept!!!

One of the paradoxes of sponsorship is that the sponsor get as much, if not more, opportunities at growing in recovery...so what a great thing you are doing for your sponsor!

Congrats on your decisionto work the steps. Use the double-edged sword of your obsessive thinking to your advantage as you start the process.

Bekindalways

BABM, I appreciate your post. Whenever, I am super struggling in whatever area, I look for more help. It takes a bit of humility and often people aren't in a position to help. Ugh.

With covid, I can't get much in person support so I maximize phone calls and zoom and soberrecovery . . . sigh . . . it isn't quite the same but it is something.

Mizz P, I find the above so true. They work for some and not for others. For some, the medications make the symptoms worse or give other problems. I'm lucky in that SSRIs have worked for me.

Gabe1980

Well done BABM! I couldn't do this on my own either.....I only go so far and had to share what was going on with others, if I had any chance at survival