Please I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 69
Please I need help
I have recently gave up 18mos of sobriety. I cannot defend my reasoning except that I was weak. I have been having several nights of sobriety and feel amazing when I wake up. I SO WANT to focus on cooking and great meals instead of wallowing in my loneliness. Unfortunately the last few nights I have totally failed. PLEASE help me, don't be gentle
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family, Proud! 
You've come to a great place for support and good ideas. Read around and post, get to know us. Lots of support here so grab on to us and hang on tight. Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Proud - I felt better the minute I posted on here for the first time. Being honest about what's going on relieves our anxiety. You're talking to friendly people who really understand what you're going through. You sound determined to get back on track, & we know you can. Keep reading & posting - we are with you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
hi and welcome proudtobehere - support really helped me & this site helped me turn my life around.
Post as often as you need to - listen to the advice and above all - make a continued commitment to stay sober - daily or more than daily if you need to.
Post as often as you need to - listen to the advice and above all - make a continued commitment to stay sober - daily or more than daily if you need to.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, proudtobehere, and i think it’s great you can’t defend your reasoning
the reasoning turns out to be excuses, really, so letting go of that is a good step.
being weak brings to mind the notion of strength. i found i had lots of willpower and strength in many areas of my life, but not this one. my strength alone just couldn’t cut it.
doing things differently than how i had done them before was necessary, it turned out. and connecting with others on this sobriety-journey was and is one of those things i did differently this time around.
good to have you here.
the reasoning turns out to be excuses, really, so letting go of that is a good step.
being weak brings to mind the notion of strength. i found i had lots of willpower and strength in many areas of my life, but not this one. my strength alone just couldn’t cut it.
doing things differently than how i had done them before was necessary, it turned out. and connecting with others on this sobriety-journey was and is one of those things i did differently this time around.
good to have you here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome to SR, I’m so glad you posted. 18 months sobriety is great, and you can get back there again. Two of my favorite places on this forum are the monthly classes and the 24 hour thread. You should join the October class of 2020, and maybe the November Class of 2020 when it starts. I found having someone else at the same point in the journey really helped. Another great support is the 24 hour thread, it is a great place to check in and commit to another day of sobriety, it is also a great place to share anything you are struggling with, as well as your successes.
I joined SR in 2012, and had my last drink December 31, 2015. I had many day ones during that time, but I kept coming back, and finally truly wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I will have five years on January 1st, and this site is my biggest support.
I am looking forward to seeing your posts, supporting you through your struggles, and celebrating your successes. You’ve got this!
Check back in and let us know how you’re doing.
❤️Delilah
I joined SR in 2012, and had my last drink December 31, 2015. I had many day ones during that time, but I kept coming back, and finally truly wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I will have five years on January 1st, and this site is my biggest support.
I am looking forward to seeing your posts, supporting you through your struggles, and celebrating your successes. You’ve got this!
Check back in and let us know how you’re doing.
❤️Delilah
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
A good friend of mine drank after 10 years of sobriety, he got right back into recovery and when he did he felt no remorse and just did the next right thing. He immersed himself in helping others and attending meetings. He is doing great.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
You asked us not to be gentle...
You know that it doesn't even help when people are "hard" on us...the decision to stop drinking alcohol comes from within..
.
I know the first time I was able to put it down was simply because I was truly SICK of being SICK all the time....So I put it down for 8 years. But, prior to that I had many people being "hard" on me to quit and it just doesn't work.
I ended up drinking again after 8 years of no drinking and now I have been drinking "bingeing" for almost 7 years
I have people HARD on me all the time and when that happens for me I just with draw more.
At the present time I have 22 days sober and that is because...I was almost dead 22 days ago...no one was around to bring me food or drinks for hydration to get better...I knew I was going to die if I went to the liquor store again that day as a matter of fact my Uncle just died a week ago from a long binge....I have been hospitalized many times for binge effects....mostly dehydration which wreaks havoc on our organs.
So one day I woke up and decided that I was going to try to instill in MYSELF that I couldn't drink no matter what....and after about a week I started to feel better...and waking up in the morning without that fog or waking up in the morning not needing a drink is a wonderful thing....
I don't know if I will drink again...The first week I just basically "rested" and hydrated....from that point on...when I finally took a shower and felt human on day 8....I vowed to do my best to just not drink no matter what happens in any given day....And as the days pass I am able to do more domestic stuff...cutting lawn, raking leaves, leaving the house without worrying about a DUI, doing backed up laundry, cleaning the house, things normal people do that I can't and don't do when I am drinking.
For me it is be "sober" or die....I think you just evaluate your life and decide if you are going to drink anymore or not...and then go with that decision to not drink and put all you have into not drinking....my first time around that meant going to an AA meeting everyday. I know with lockdown people say they can't but there are meetings on line...commit to something to do for sobriety everyday whether it is AA or something else....is what I did.
Replace the evening cocktails with something else like ice cream or candy...anything but alcohol...
Take your "control" back...i don't like anything or anyone controlling me...Admit alcohol is in control and be determined to defeat it.
You know that it doesn't even help when people are "hard" on us...the decision to stop drinking alcohol comes from within..
.
I know the first time I was able to put it down was simply because I was truly SICK of being SICK all the time....So I put it down for 8 years. But, prior to that I had many people being "hard" on me to quit and it just doesn't work.
I ended up drinking again after 8 years of no drinking and now I have been drinking "bingeing" for almost 7 years
I have people HARD on me all the time and when that happens for me I just with draw more.
At the present time I have 22 days sober and that is because...I was almost dead 22 days ago...no one was around to bring me food or drinks for hydration to get better...I knew I was going to die if I went to the liquor store again that day as a matter of fact my Uncle just died a week ago from a long binge....I have been hospitalized many times for binge effects....mostly dehydration which wreaks havoc on our organs.
So one day I woke up and decided that I was going to try to instill in MYSELF that I couldn't drink no matter what....and after about a week I started to feel better...and waking up in the morning without that fog or waking up in the morning not needing a drink is a wonderful thing....
I don't know if I will drink again...The first week I just basically "rested" and hydrated....from that point on...when I finally took a shower and felt human on day 8....I vowed to do my best to just not drink no matter what happens in any given day....And as the days pass I am able to do more domestic stuff...cutting lawn, raking leaves, leaving the house without worrying about a DUI, doing backed up laundry, cleaning the house, things normal people do that I can't and don't do when I am drinking.
For me it is be "sober" or die....I think you just evaluate your life and decide if you are going to drink anymore or not...and then go with that decision to not drink and put all you have into not drinking....my first time around that meant going to an AA meeting everyday. I know with lockdown people say they can't but there are meetings on line...commit to something to do for sobriety everyday whether it is AA or something else....is what I did.
Replace the evening cocktails with something else like ice cream or candy...anything but alcohol...
Take your "control" back...i don't like anything or anyone controlling me...Admit alcohol is in control and be determined to defeat it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
Originally Posted by proudtobehere 
I have recently gave up 18mos of sobriety. I cannot defend my reasoning except that I was weak. I have been having several nights of sobriety and feel amazing when I wake up. I SO WANT to focus on cooking and great meals instead of wallowing in my loneliness. Unfortunately the last few nights I have totally failed. PLEASE help me, don't be gentle
At 18 months, you let down your guard. Your AV probably told you one drink or one bender would be OK, and you didn't think, or God forbid, you thought it would be nice to give it a try, and from what you said, it didn't work out very well. Did you think something else might happen? There's a lesson learned. Give it another go now that you know what happens when to stop putting sobriety first.
Alcoholics only differ from everyone else in that we can't drink responsibily. The normies get to think, "One drink would be nice," but alcoholics can't do that. We know the consequences for us, and we know that we can never drink again and expect something nice to happen. It takes us right back to the horror show that life is for practicing alcoholics.
The only other cause of relapse besides not thinking that I can think of is the desire to self destruct and doing something you know will ultimately be harmful. Why? I don't know, but the defense against it is always the same as any other defense against our alcoholism: Don't Drink! Just don't drink.
There are other crutches to facilitate sobriety. There's a bunch, and I'm for using anything that works. For me, it's all about keeping sobriety as number one on my life's priority list. And even with the crutches, you still need to always do that.
Now is the time to stop drinking for good.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
It seems to me most relapses are caused by a disconnection from the reasons why we decided to stop in the first place. It's like we get to a new normal and then the boredom sets in....and we forget the pain of alcoholism. The memory of the initial euphoria of drinking does not fade though and so drinking seems feasible.
You are not weak...you just forgot. Also, you are not your addiction, you can stand back, disconnect from it and be objective.
I'm only 9 months sober yet but I come here every day and at least read. I pay a lot of attention to relapse posts like yours. By doing this, I feel more determined now to never drink again then I did on day one.
I may have to do this for the rest of my life...but it's worth it. I'd much rather come here for a daily reminder than to risk a relapse.
With 18 months of sober time, you could have a lot to offer on here. I think once you get a few sober days under your belt you'll be back to where you were but with more gratitude for how precocious sobriety really is.
You are not weak...you just forgot. Also, you are not your addiction, you can stand back, disconnect from it and be objective.
I'm only 9 months sober yet but I come here every day and at least read. I pay a lot of attention to relapse posts like yours. By doing this, I feel more determined now to never drink again then I did on day one.
I may have to do this for the rest of my life...but it's worth it. I'd much rather come here for a daily reminder than to risk a relapse.
With 18 months of sober time, you could have a lot to offer on here. I think once you get a few sober days under your belt you'll be back to where you were but with more gratitude for how precocious sobriety really is.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,502
Welcome to SR proudtobehere. Was the decision to drink something that had been building up or something that you did on the spur of the moment? If you can understand what led to you drinking it may help you avoid making the same mistake again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by Sober45
It seems to me most relapses are caused by a disconnection from the reasons why we decided to stop in the first place. It's like we get to a new normal and then the boredom sets in....and we forget the pain of alcoholism. The memory of the initial euphoria of drinking does not fade though and so drinking seems feasible.
You are not weak...you just forgot. Also, you are not your addiction, you can stand back, disconnect from it and be objective.
I'm only 9 months sober yet but I come here every day and at least read. I pay a lot of attention to relapse posts like yours. By doing this, I feel more determined now to never drink again then I did on day one.
I may have to do this for the rest of my life...but it's worth it. I'd much rather come here for a daily reminder than to risk a relapse.
With 18 months of sober time, you could have a lot to offer on here. I think once you get a few sober days under your belt you'll be back to where you were but with more gratitude for how precocious sobriety really is.
You are not weak...you just forgot. Also, you are not your addiction, you can stand back, disconnect from it and be objective.
I'm only 9 months sober yet but I come here every day and at least read. I pay a lot of attention to relapse posts like yours. By doing this, I feel more determined now to never drink again then I did on day one.
I may have to do this for the rest of my life...but it's worth it. I'd much rather come here for a daily reminder than to risk a relapse.
With 18 months of sober time, you could have a lot to offer on here. I think once you get a few sober days under your belt you'll be back to where you were but with more gratitude for how precocious sobriety really is.
Relapses, are in part, a product of forgetting how bad the drinking affects us and the consequences of drinking.. That's why it's always important to play the tape forward.
Our addiction can downplay the pain of a relapse as much as it wants but after drinking or using drugs (the next day, the next morning, etc...). I know I always felt a tremendous amount of pain and disgust with myself. It's not fun and at times can be brutal. So not worth it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 69
Misssy42
Wow your message hits home. I am intelligent enough to know what damage alcohol is causing yet still give in. I have had many many nights of relaxation and bliss when sober. Yet currently I wake up swearing to not drink that day, do well until 6pm or so and then throw it all away? I swear my kidneys hurt after a night of binging. I watch me pee color every day to see if it looks healthy. Last time I just reached my end and said enough is enough. I will get there. I guarantee it. hope it is before I do too much damage.
Wow your message hits home. I am intelligent enough to know what damage alcohol is causing yet still give in. I have had many many nights of relaxation and bliss when sober. Yet currently I wake up swearing to not drink that day, do well until 6pm or so and then throw it all away? I swear my kidneys hurt after a night of binging. I watch me pee color every day to see if it looks healthy. Last time I just reached my end and said enough is enough. I will get there. I guarantee it. hope it is before I do too much damage.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by BornSurvivor
Agreed...
Relapses, are in part, a product of forgetting how bad the drinking affects us and the consequences of drinking.. That's why it's always important to play the tape forward.
Our addiction can downplay the pain of a relapse as much as it wants but after drinking or using drugs (the next day, the next morning, etc...). I know I always felt a tremendous amount of pain and disgust with myself. It's not fun and at times can be brutal. So not worth it!
Relapses, are in part, a product of forgetting how bad the drinking affects us and the consequences of drinking.. That's why it's always important to play the tape forward.
Our addiction can downplay the pain of a relapse as much as it wants but after drinking or using drugs (the next day, the next morning, etc...). I know I always felt a tremendous amount of pain and disgust with myself. It's not fun and at times can be brutal. So not worth it!
this is so true.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
