RPM

Hi All,
I don’t post often, I do read regularly and get a lot of great info from this site.
It’s been about 14 months now since I changed my life and gave up alcohol.
When I quit drinking I realized how much weight I’d gained so I went on a diet and lost 50 lbs which was great. However at a certain point in that journey I realized that up to now, my motivation had been I didn’t want to be obese. I ran AWAY from obesity which was a powerful incentive, or disincentive I should say.
I had to shift my mindset on the fitness journey to what do I want to run towards vs what was I running from. So instead of working out simply because I didn’t want to be obese I started working out to become something, more flexible, stronger, etc and it became way easier Almost fun, to run towards something as opposed to away from something.

Now as it relates to my sobriety and my reflection upon, I’ve spent the last 14 months running from blackouts, hangovers and embarrassing behavior. As time passes and the sting of those experiences fades so fades the disincentive.
I had a clear picture of what I wanted to run towards with fitness, it has been much more challenging to determine what I’m running towards as it relates to maintaining my sober life.
Has anyone else struggled with anything similar or similar thoughts and if so I would love to hear how you dealt with obtaining a clear vision of incentive for sobriety vs avoiding the disincentive.

Be123

No, but I'm a little bit behind you in my journey at 8 months so am looking forward to seeing the responses.

Great work on 14 months and also the weight loss 😳 . Amazing stuff!!

doggonecarl

You're 14 months sober. You must be seeing the benefits of sobriety, aren't you? And those are the incentives. Are you still being plagued by thoughts of drinking? Miss it? If you are, that kind of thinking has to be addressed. Your addiction is looking for incentives to drink, not incentives to stay sober.

least

My sober life is so peaceful that I consider that an incentive to stay sober. I can't imagine going back to the depressing, drama filled life I once lived.

Anna

Congratulations on 14 months. I relate to what you said about exercise. Since I focused my attention on strength and good health, exercising has been more enjoyable.

My life, when I was drinking, was exhausting and chaotic. So, it was very easy to embrace a peaceful life. I loved it then, and I still do. Do you see positive benefits of sobriety in your daily life? If so, embrace those feelings and let them grow. Have you gotten back to old hobbies or started new activities? I hope so.

Livinchi

This is an intriguing thread, isn't it interesting how our perspective affects our motivation and desire for different things in life? Identifying and remembering our "why" is so important to motivate us to accomplish goals or continue a lifestyle. Since what you are running from for sobriety has been so effective in motivating you to get to 14 months sober that is awesome, do not lose it! Congratulations on that accomplishment. The weight you lost is literally GONE, those pounds no longer exist as motivation so you had to adjust and set a higher goal for being stronger, more flexible, etc. On the other hand what will happen when you drink is still as real and dangerous as it was 14 months ago, you have just lost touch with it because it has been awhile. Get out a piece of paper and write down "Why I don't drink, what happens when I drink." Be horrendously honest and specific about the truth of that life for you. Refocus on that pain you felt that motivated you to make it this far, let it fill your why tank back up for more months of sobriety. That should maybe help, but lets take it a step further like you did with fitness...

Do you know how helpful it is for me to hear you say that you had blackouts and embarrassing behavior when you were drinking, just like I did, and that you now have 14 months sober!?!?! Wow, I have never done that! I hope to be like you one day. Please do not give up, you are my hero! I am not the only one that feels this way, there are so many people in your life that are proud of you, look up to you, and are better off themselves because of you staying sober. This world is under attack by one of the most dangerous and destructive drugs known by science being legal and even falsely celebrated. The world needs people like you to help make the way for others, to be an example of a better life free from alcohol and addiction. The example you set by simply being who you are, thriving in a sober life is inspirational and can bring healing to others. What a noble cause, what a worthwhile endeavor!

Last but certainly not least, if you have any faith in a higher power, God is the best reason of all. He did not create you to harm yourself and others, to give in to temptation and indulge in destructive behavior. Certainly you repenting from alcohol is pleasing to God. I am not sure of your beliefs in this regard, if you have faith you know it to be true, even if you do not, hey it couldn't hurt if it turns out that we will in fact fall into God's hands when we die.

No matter what your why is, all that matters is that you have one and you stay sober. You are doing great, keep going!

awuh1

I really like how you posed the question RPM. The idea of moving toward something instead of away from something else is very positive. It was quite necessary in my case. The negative effects from my drinking were necessary to get me sober in the short term, but not sufficient to keep me sober in the long term. I needed to move toward something. Fortunately I had a mentor (an AA sponsor) who was not intimidated by my stanch agnosticism and my movement forward came along a spiritual dimension.

I find myself with a smile as I think just how opposed I was to ever considering that I could change my views about these things, but it was exactly the sort of thing I needed. What that thing might be for you I don't know. But don't stop searching. In fact it's my belief that this is what life is all about.

BeABetterMan

One of the most frequent triggers for me to relapse is that "Life gets good". The memory of the pain and suffering and most specifically the loss of control fades. Good that you're here. I think your spidey senses are telling you to be careful.

BornSurvivor

Same here. I worked very hard to make sure my sober life was a good one. When I got clean I was not doing well so I had to work hard to get out of my bottom. It was rough. Now my life is better than it could ever possibly be if I was drinking or using drugs? Is it perfect? No and it never will be but the sober life is the best life for me by far.

I always make sure to make the most of my mornings. It's something that when I was drinking and using drugs I used to constantly miss out on. Now, I don't have that problem

RPM

8 Months is amazing stuff too, congrats!

RPM

Thanks for the response. I think I'll take the suggestion to journal a bit more and continue to reflect on why I am living sober now and not forget.

Yes, the blackouts and embarrassing behavior were one of those things that would cause me to have tremendous anxiety and regret. And for several months I dwelled on it. With the passage of time I realized I never would have made the changes I have 14 months later if those things hadn't occurred. So while cringeworthy still, I'm in a weird way thankful for the eye opening experiences, even though it took way too many of them before my eyes opened
Appreciate the encouraging words!

RPM

Those are spot on questions indeed. There's no way I'm going back, it's taken too many false starts and too long too get to this point. My biggest fear is complacency and forgetting all the negativity, depression and anxiety that plagued me while I was having all those "good times".

RPM

Those are spot on questions indeed. There's no way I'm going back, it's taken too many false starts and too long too get to this point. My biggest fear is complacency and forgetting all the negativity, depression and anxiety that plagued me while I was having all those "good times".

Dee74

I guess for more the longer I stayed sober in that first year the more the I rediscovered a me, and a mindset, I'd completely forgotten.

Turns out I'm not a morose pessimist who hates the world and the people in it but I'm actually quite a positive person, who's adept at dealing with challenges and solving problems.

My addiction would have me think otherwise and I did for 30 years or so.

D