The careful planning of a drinker
 

My brother came to dinner last night. He lives a few hours away so stayed in a nearby hotel. He’s a big big guy and I suspect a very heavy drinker. Not wishing to make him uncomfortable, I took him to the supermarket across the road so he could buy a drink, maybe a can of beer or whatever, but he said he was OK to drink whatever I was having.

It got me thinking how I’d have approached such an evening when I was a drinker. I’d have had one or maybe two drinks during dinner just to keep me going. I’d then be watching the clock to see if my hosts - the boring non-drinkers - would stop talking rubbish in time to allow me to get some proper drinks before the shop closed. Better still, I’d have bought my stash of beers beforehand. That last point would’ve have taken quite a bit of research of local shops, etc.

I would’ve probably felt aggravated by my hosts for detaining me so long in such a boring alcohol-free environment, and the meal they’d cooked wouldn’t have even registered when it needed a good red wine to cut through it (drinkers say such things).

It would’ve been a cr*p evening for me. The highlight would’ve been the six well-planned beers I’d downed in front of the TV before bed. I’m sure we’ve all had long frustrating evenings like that. Looking back, I really did resent anyone who suggested a non-alcohol venue or deprived me of my mountain of beers. These people meanwhile must’ve thought I was just nasty and a bit sad.

It’s scary to look back and think of my irrational behaviour. Life’s so much easier without having to always plan where the next drink is coming from

I remember all that planning. It was like a military operation. Then as things moved on even further, I just stopped going anywhere. But still the drinking needed a plan. Had to make sure I had enough to not be tempted to drink and drive for more, not too much that I would have any left to drink in the morning before I could get my stuff done then buy the next stash.

Eventually I just drank be it day or night, no more plans, no more glimmers of control, just pure and utter 24/7 alcoholism.

A good reminder. Thank you.

Been there done that!

What a great post. Thank you.

For me, the memory of having to plan events around drinking or in fact where the drinking was the reason for the event at all is one of many reasons I do not drink.

The long walks just to have an excuse for the pub at the end, stopping at friends with a bottle of wine to avoid having to go home and pop one with no "excuse" at all.

Being freed from the control that drinking had over my life is one of the many reasons I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.

Thanks for the reminder.

Thanks for the post:) Alcohol killed everything for me. It was a slow process I didn’t even recognize. At the end I wasn’t able to appreciate anything in life because drink was all that mattered. I really and truly thought I needed it. What a lie, hey?

I think it’s so important to keep highlighting the positive changes as a way of protecting ourselves against relapse. Sobriety brings emotional Stability and lack of drama. As the pain of alcoholism fades we tend to forget the misery. The resulting boredom can be dangerous.

Yes life passes an alcoholic by when drinking. Even when not drinking the thinking means one is likely not present.

Very tiresome. Unless I was totally off my head, I couldn't even enjoy drinking, because I was worrying where the next three or four were coming from. Then if you mess up, you have to get a ridiculous amount at 7 in the morning with hands shaking like an earthquake.

Yeah those memories are not pretty. I feel sorry for those people. They remind me of me at my worst. I want to do something to help, knowing that they have to do that themselves.

Thinking about it, I was probably a mild example. My wife would be there whilst I strode into a supermarket near to closing time to purchase the much needed beers. Whilst that was clearly depressing for her, there is another level even I never reached - the secret drinker.

I never felt the need to keep my drinking a secret, but I can understand those who do. That’s an advanced level of planning involving working out when to drink, where to hide the stash and, of course, where to dispose of the empty bottles and cans.

I thank whoever is up there that I never got to that stage although it was only a matter of time. I read of people hiding bottles in hedges or in cars. I know my brain circuitry has been altered irreversibly by years of drinking, but the act of hiding ones drinking is a shocking demonstration of how twisted our minds can get.

I remember the total stress of situations like that. Trying to have enough drinks to get you through. I hate it so much looking back...just made a fool of myself in so many situations.

I’m based in England and knew the licensing hours well, when each shop closed and which closed late just in case. In my defence, I never drank and drove, but I always lived within walking distance of shops (that was by luck, even my planning wasn’t that precise).

But a couple of years ago, I had a weekend north of the border in Scotland. Rules are slightly different there as I found to my cost. I’d had a few beers with dinner and was heading back to my hotel at around 10.30pm. I popped into a supermarket to buy 2 small (1 glass size) bottles of wine which I took to a self-service checkout. The sale wouldn’t go through, and I was informed alcohol sales stopped at 10pm. I even thought of just walking out the shop with my 2 bottles! I went to bed in a foul mood. It was a grim weekend all round. My wife still brings up that weekend now! I try and avoid any talk of that weekend as it’s too miserable to think about.

I also remember catching trains home late at night and rushing to the station to purchase one or two beers for the journey. It all takes a lot of planning. If I was too late to get my beers, I’d be in a bad mood, but hey there’d be beers waiting at home.

If drinkers planned the rest of their lives with such precision, they’d be CEOs and millionaires.

Oh Ya, I was a great planner. I hid bottles all around the house. I became so annoyed when a hiding spot was found because I'd have to think of another place. Once I got so mad at my husband for taking my hidden stash, but actually, I was just so drunk when I hid it that I couldn't remember where I put it. I had to plan exactly how much I could drink to stop the shakes but still drive safely to get more (ya I know that one still baffles me). And when lockdown began I went into pure panic. People stocked up on toilet paper, but I panic bought as many booze bottles at a time as I could carry. Liquor stores closing was my worst fear so I definitely had to plan for that!

Yesssss!!! Totally agree, its an exhausting process!! I'd plan how I was going to buy the booze, what lame excuse I'd give my husband for rewarding myself with just a glass of wine....hiding the rest of the wine I was drinking & secretly necking & then disposing of the sodding bottles the next day, because of course I'd only had 2 glasses......it all made my brain hurt!! Its nice not to have to think about it!!

Chillingly accurate, Hodd.
I reached the stage where I had a little joy bottle in my purse at all times. Somehow, I justified it.
I'm so thankful to be free of that sick old life.

We can nervously laugh about it, but that’s the life many people amongst us are still living right now.

I guess a heavy drinker who only meets other drinkers won’t have to plan at all. It’s only when I encountered non-drinkers, I had to plan, and amazingly I felt resentful towards these non-drinkers. Totally bizarre and irrational.

Yeah, it was always something planned down to the last detail! Once I was in another state visiting my dad in the hospital and unbeknownst to me they had "blue laws" where they couldn't sell on Sundays. And only liquor stores could sell, even beer, so nothing at Walmart or convenience stores. At home there was always that balance to be struck; enough to get as drunk as I wanted but not so much that I'd be utterly destroyed if I drank it all. Because I normally drank everything in the house no matter how much I had on hand.

Then there's the other side of the coin, the desire to spread out your purchases across different stores so the clerks would "know I was a drunk". Which is funny because I later learned that 10% of the customers spend 90% of the money! Going to the grocery store I always bought other items so it would look like I was there for TP or soap and just picked up booze as an afterthought!:lmao

i decided at 18 I could save a bunch of money and risk if I mainly partied, drank, at home.

This was my main rationalization until I quit drinking at 50.

It worked until my mind and body started to fail....thankfully.

If they didnt start to go when they did I would be drunk now. My 17 year old would be well on his way to copying his drunk Dad.

Since he doesn't really remember me as a drunk, hopefully he will take my warnings, training, pleads. education etc etc. and never ever ever put a drop of neurotoxin in his temple.

Amen.

Thanks.

I drank all day, every day, and knew it was bad cause I had a special hiding place that held four bottles of wine. :( But even the shame didn't stop me from drinking. :( So glad those days are a distant distasteful memory.