itsmaria

Dont know how to delete. Sorry. I'm ok.

BeABetterMan

Well, it’s ok if you’re not ok. Want to talk about it? Does no good keeping it in...

Dee74

whats going on itsmaria?

D

least

What's wrong?

anxiousrock

Don't delete...we are here to help you and talk with you. We'd all love to hear what is on your mind

itsmaria

You guys are too kind here. Can't find a reason not to drink but I stopped anyway. Tonight at least. On a waitlist for a program but don't see how it will help.

No friends no family. Can't connect with people . That's not bc of booze. It's bc of me. So not drinking wont make my problems wont go away. I'll just be alone and sober instead of alone and drunk.

I dont want to drink myself to death but can't find reasons not to.

You know for real I have no good friends or family I'm close to? 44 years old. Years of therapy, grew up abused, not my fault blah blah. Sure. But I'm still alone and no one gives a ahit. If I died I dunno who would come to my funeral I guess the city would find me.

Dark stuff sorry.it's the truth.

Stopped for tonight I think. Not sure . I wish I could fix my life.

I appreciate folks here reading thank you.

BeABetterMan

You’re in the middle of it so it is horrible. But Maria, EVERYTHING you listed is run of the mill stuff for us problem drinkers and alcoholics.

Alone? Check. We have completed isolated ourselves. We’ve chased everyone out of our lives. Consciously and subconsciously. I’ve had great women in my life that loves me dearly walk out on me. And they had every right to and did the right thing. Why should they love me if I don’t love myself?

You don’t see how a program will help? Of course you don’t see it. I mean OF COURSE. You are in the middle of your addiction. All that matters is staying drunk. Not feeling. Hiding from life. When we get sober we have to learn how to live life. For some of us that means remembering how to live. For people like me that means learning how to live. I never learned a be been a drunk for so long. Well, that’s what a program can help you do. To learn to live without alcohol. To hel no you get through the early days. To learn to love yourself. A program, if worked with dedication can transform your entire life.

Can’t connect with people? Uh , duh. Of course we can’t connect with people when we’re using. All we care about is getting drunk, feeling numb. Anything that gets between us and our booze has to go. People see us and they know to stay away. Because we hurt people. If they dare like us, we will hurt them. And God forbid they love us, because then we destroy them.


YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THAT. There is another way.

PS, I’m 44 and I’ve only been sober for three months. Look up my old posts and look at where I was. If I can recover, anyone can.

So glad you decided to post. So glad you’re here.

least

I was in a similar situation when I was still drinking. The drinking just made my depression worse, a lot worse. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy - I'd be depressed so I'd drink, then the drinking made me more depressed. It seemed like there was no way out.

But there is a way out. It's hard at first, and you have to take a leap of faith that it'll get better. Stop drinking and give yourself a few weeks to get back to normal functioning. It took me two or three months before I felt 'better'.

I hope you'll stop drinking and not drink any more. It's just making you feel worse.

Sober45

You can fix your life. I’m finding that sober time is bringing more clarity and emotional stability. With that I’m better able to see a path forward. Put some space between you and the booze and you’ll see what I mean. You’re worth it.

GiftsOfSobriety

I really really get it.

Wastinglife

Maria, we have more in common than just living in Toronto. I recently turned 44 and also going through this pandemic alone. Friends and family live far away. I'm the lonely alcoholic too! It is hard to find reasons not to drink. I am surprised im not drinking right now.

I suppose that I have lost the last decade because of my drinking. Spent ungodly amounts of money on booze. 44 is still young enough for a life. I think this pandemic and my isolation made me realize that I've been living in a quarantine for a decade. A drunken quarantine.

thomas11

It doesn't make it any less painful, but your situation is more common than you think. I think the phrase is "terminally unique". But we are not, we are totally normal people that need some assistance. You are not broken and you deserve sobriety. Give it a shot.

Dee74

Things will can and do improve itmaria. We just have to take that leap of faith, put the bottle down and keep it down
You can do this

D

Delilah1

I’m so glad you are here Maria. We may be a virtual group, but I can tell you that you won’t find a better group of people then some that you will meet on this forum. I hope you will stick around and do some reading and posting. Maybe think about joining the October 2020 class, or the 24 Hour Recovery Thread. It will give you a group of people who will be there each day waiting to see your check in.

You are In the very early part of recovery, and we have all been there. The only way to move out of early recovery is to keep doing the work, so keep positing and reading on here. You can do this, and you are worth,

snitch

I can give you one good reason to stop drinking. YOU. You may not feel like it now, I know I didn't, but YOU are worth it. Each and every one of us on this planet is a child of the universe and are worth just as much as the next person. We don't (and can't anyway) get sober for others. We have to do it for ourselves.

There really is solution. It starts with a little bit of hope and alot of faith. Faith is the opposite of fear.

It won't be easy but I can promise you from my own experience that things will and do get better.

We are your friends and family now and we care. Anyone fighting alcoholism is a brother or sister of mine. It is what unites us.

PM me anytime.

Lots of love

🙏♥️🙏♥️

ReadyAtLast

HI Maria, it's great to see you back but sorry you are having such a rough time. We care about you and for you. I know it's now irl but we understand what you are going through and so many of us have had similar experiences . I know just how hard it is to stop drinking but you can do it. Take it odaat, even hour by hour, just stay on SR, there is always someone around 24 hours ago. Sending you virtual hugs and support

Erica375

Maria, thank you for finding the courage to share with us. You are so NOT alone. We get you. Please keep posting. Let us love you until you can love yourself.
💞💗💕

BornSurvivor

Your problems are very real and I am not trying to downplay them. It will take hard work to get to where you want to be there is no way around it.

However, always remember drinking is making all these problems, every single one, worse. So the best and most important thing you can do now is not drink today and take it from there. Just focus on that. Tomorrow you can do the same and just take it day by day. Post here, go to online AA meeting whatever you have to do.

I'm willing to bet almost everyone here their life was a mess when they were on Day-1, so don't think it is unusual what you are going through. Stay sober and as you can see with examples on here, your life will get progressively better. I promise you.

itsmaria

Don't have much to say but I read every post and really appreciate the support. I know people here do understand.

This morning had my coffee, and there was a half a drink from last night sitting on the end table beside me and I was tempted to drink it but I didn't. I had my coffee and read responses here and then I got the alcohol I still had left- 3 bottles of liquor- and dumped it all down the sink. So maybe that's a start.

Was drinking yesterday from noon until 10 or 11 I guess.

I'm upset about some things. I'm unhappy and angry. But I don't want to deal with it by drinking anymore. At least part of me doesn't.

I feel like a mess today emotionally but at least I dumped the bottles out.

biminiblue

Good job dumping the bottles.

I also got rid of the glasses I used to use for drinks, and the wine opener and everything related to drinking.

Now it's just One Day At A Time, itsmaria. Slow and steady, get through each day and go to bed sober. Get up and do it again.