Erica375

Fantastic job, dumping the poison! We all had to start on day 1 (sometimes over and over). All you need to do today is get to day 2. Stay hydrated and eat well ( that can mean whatever you need it to).

Angry, frustrated, miserable, confused? Check, check, check, check. It's ok to have feelings. It's ok to feel them. They won't kill you, even if (if you're like me) you are certain those rotten, miserable feelings are going to make you explode. Literally.

I'm still here. You're still here. There is hope for all of us.

Anna

Maria, I hope you can have faith to believe that things will get better. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today and not drinking. We do understand how hard this, but please know you will always find support here.

Dropsie

So glad to have you here with us.

We have ALL been there, really.

You can do this if you commit to it with your whole heart and it helps you are stubborn like me.

Once I decided it was, well, decided, and then I just had to figure the rest out.

Simple but not easy.

I was about your age when I started on my road to recovery. You got this.

Sober45

Good on you for dumping it, that took courage. Stay close with us and keep reading and posting. Alcohol is never going to be the answer. By getting sober you will unburdened Yourself from the weight of alcoholism and gain clarity on how to move forward in life.

I Remember when I feared this time would never come... that I was doomed. And yet here I am going on 10 months sober. Don't give up!

BeABetterMan

Maria. I’m glad you are suffering today. In my experience, it wasn’t until I suffered enough that sobriety stuck.

Remember this feeling. There will come times in sobriety when you’ll be anxious, sad, discouraged and want to give up. But you can’t get away with drinking anymore. The gig is up. It won’t take the pain away anymore. There comes a time in all problem drinkers/alcoholics lives that drinking starts to offer diminishing returns. The fun is lost. Only sadness and pain remain. I think you’ve reached that point. And if you want to be grateful for something, be grateful for that. Because it means you are moving closer and closer to sobriety.

Dee74

I’m really glad you threw it out itsmaria - 😀great stuff!

puzzle

You threw it out. That’s wonderful. That means inside you is hope. That’s a good place to start. Keep sharing please.

least

I'm glad you poured it out! Stay strong and get thru the first week or so, and it will start getting better. Have faith that it will.

itsmaria

Made it through the day. Already starting to feel less sure, like I don't know if I can do this. But I should just worry about now I guess. Struggling with some things from yesterday. Nothing I did- someone actually hurt my feelings yesterday. Not why I drank, but I can't stop thinking about it. Part of yesterday was with people- not friends, just people to drink with. And that's the thing I don't think i really like them even. It was just an opportunity to go out for brunch, brunch meaning beer. Then I came home and kept drinking.

I think partly I drank so much yesterday bc I knew like- I dont want to spend time with these people anymore. Just wasn't ready to face it and admit it.

Erica375

Maria, I totally get that someone hurt your feelings. I have (or had; I'm working on it) the most delicate feelings ever. But since I started this recovery journey I learned 2 things:
--What other people think of me is none of my buisiness, and
--Don't take anything personally; nothing anyone else does is because of you.

The second one is from the book, "The Four Agreements."

People do and say things because of what's going on in their lives. They react the way they do because of what's in their head. Just because someone says it to you does not make it YOUR truth.

Please keep fighting for yourself, for your life. Keep posting.💞💗💕

BeABetterMan

A dose of reality...if you’re doing all the same things you usually do to try to quit, and nothing new your chances are slim. Are you just thinking you’ll quit now because you really really want to? Haven’t you really wanted to before? My advice would be to get serious about this. Get to an AA meeting, call a rehab, get an addiction therapist/counselor. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Take action or you’ll be back on the hamster wheel.

least

Just get thru a minute, an hour, a day at a time sober. But have faith that you will feel better after you walk thru the fire, so to speak. Physical withdrawal is not fun, but once you're on the other side of it, best make a solid plan for sobriety. My plan was counseling sessions once a week with my addiction counselor, and daily visits here at SR. I stopped seeing the counselor about 5 yrs ago when her job changed. But I still - always - come here every day to read and post. I got so much support and advice when I was new here, I want to do the same for the newcomers.

itsmaria

Yeah I have some things I did in the summer and will get back to it tomorrow. Sit down and make a plan. I know that's important. I know the things I need to do, I just need to do it.

Supposed to be getting an assessment in Nov for a support program.

Have I tried to stop before? Not really. I've tried to slow it down, etc. Couldn't make a commitment to myself to just stop.

I feel more ready though.

BeABetterMan

Good Maria. You’ll have to commit to it. A plan will be invaluable!

fini

way to go on dumping the stuff and showing up for yourself, itsmaria.
and yeah, i have hung out with folks just because of drinking, and not even really liked them. quite common, i think.
having company while drinking, while actually feeling i didn’t deserve better, or couldn’t “get” better, or didn’t want better...it all was full of shame, deep down.
once i quit drinking, the shame started abating. which led to better choices.

slowing things down, trying to control: never could make that work.
once i really grasped that fact, i could quit. which has been much much easier than all the attempts to control

you can do this!

ReadyAtLast

Great to see you posting again Maria. I totally get it as feel so hurt when someone hurts my feelings too. I try and tell myself who knows what's going on with them and try and put it away. In early sobriety too our emotions and feelings are so tense and enhanced anything can set me off.

itsmaria

Gripped with anxiety today. Hectic day and I'm always a bit anxious. But maybe some is alcohol withdrawal? I drank Saturday. Normally I find the worst anxiety 48 hours after so this is a bit past that....jangly out of sorts. But also my schedule was out of whack today.

I'm ok I just want the day to end so I can start and maybe feel better tomorrow.

BeABetterMan

Maria, if you want you can click on my name and go back and look through my posts. You'll see that I was crippled with anxiety early in my sobriety. Honestly really wrestled with anxiety for the last 20 years. No surprise I was drinking all that time. Anxiety gets better. Anxiety gets better. And anxiety gets better.

Exercise and getting out of the house really helps my anxiety. Cutting out caffeine. Doing something related to my recovery helps. Meditation helps. Prayer helps. AA meetings help. Baths help. Focusing on the moment, not the future or the past helps.

You can get through this. It will get better.

ReadyAtLast

Maybe just have a nice relaxing bath and some food and soft drinks. Early night and you'll wake up on day 5 tomorrow you can do this.

Sober45

Always play the tape forward, Maria. No one ever wakes up regretting being sober. Second by second. In time the grip alcohol has on you will fade and you’ll have a new normal. You’re planting seeds now for a better tomorrow.