stonecoldcc

hey y’all! i’m five days sober and i just found this site and am so thankful for it already. i’ve been white knuckling it these past few days but i’m starting to find resources and not feel so alone anymore. i’m a total recovery newbie i’ve never been to a meeting or anything but i think i’m gonna try some zoom ones now that i know about them and bc i’m scared to go in person bc of covid.

i don’t know how much to share bc i don’t want to trigger anyone else i’m just so tired of feeling like i have no control, of losing all my money, of all the shame, of the physical toll this is taking on my body, and feeling like i’m just living for my next fix. it feels impossible right now like i’ll never be strong enough. like i’ll always make the wrong choice. it’s only been five days and i can feel how easy it would be to just give and say screw it. but i want to be better. i want this time to be different.

there are things i like about life and there are people i love but overall the experience of living is something i would have passed on if i had the chance. i’m bipolar and i’m sure that has something to do with it but no matter how much we adjust our meds no matter how good i feel i never feel like yay living is great! it’s just like i can’t believe this is it. and i think that’s why i drink and use. and i don’t know how to fix that. i’m not suicidal i don’t want to die or anything i’m just trying to be honest about why i do what i do. and the only person i think who really understood how i felt about all this was my dad and he passed away a year ago.

i’m sorry i don’t know if any of this was the right way to start i’m just kinda winging it.

BeABetterMan

Really solid first post. Welcome Stonecold. Looking forward to learning more about you along your journey.

stonecoldcc

thank you! i was really nervous about posting so i appreciate that! i’m looking forward to getting to know y’all better as well! 💖

Hevyn

You came through loud & clear, stonecoldcc. I'm so glad you found us & decided to talk things over. I had felt all alone until I found SR. The encouragement was a huge relief.

Congratulations on your 5 sober days. You sound determined to leave that old life behind. I spent so much time dreading being sober - thinking it would be dull & sad. But at the end of my drinking career I felt just like you do. Alcohol ran my life - my health was suffering - it was time to get free. The fun it had once been was long gone, and never coming back. Be proud of yourself for taking action.

stonecoldcc

thank you 😭😭 i’m so glad i found y’all too it feels good to talk about it and i’m so grateful for the responses i’ve received. (sorry this originally posted before i was done lol) thank you for taking the time to write this thoughtful response and reach out to me it means a lot. and you’re right the fun is gone and just reading that is helping me accept some things. hoping to find new ways to have fun and find meaning now. thank you again! 💖

Sober45

Welcome aboard Stonecold. Early recovery is not easy but the rewards are life changing so stick with it my friend!

TexanJohn

Welcome! I’m just behind you on day 4... Keep up the good work!

least

Welcome to the family StoneCold. Congrats on five days sober, that's a good start. Stick with it even if it gets rough sometimes cause it will get better, a little at a time.

stonecoldcc

thank you so much!! i appreciate your encouragement!! it’s not easy but y’all are helping more thank you know so glad i found this site 💖

stonecoldcc

thank you! congrats on 4 days! let’s stick with it together! 💖

stonecoldcc

thank you so much!! i appreciate that. it has been hard and i know it will get tougher but it’s good to know it will get better too 💖

Dee74

glad to have you with us stonecold

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stonecoldcc

thanks dee!! appreciate it!! 💖

Anna

Welcome Stonecold and I'm glad you've found us.

It sounds like you're ready to change your life and begin recovery and 5 days is great. Be sure to take a moment to pat yourself on the back for getting this far. You're doing this and you just need to keep going. It could be that you will feel better about life as you continue your recovery.

Finalcall

Welcome stone cold. This is a great place to be. Saving money, waking up with no guilt or shame, eating and feeling healthy are all things I have experienced over my past month sober. It's definitely worth avoiding that first drink

stonecoldcc

thank you! it’s been a hard 5 days and i have been kinda down on myself for how hard it has been but it’s a good start. and you’re right i might actually enjoy life sober since that’s the one thing i’ve never really tried before. thank you for reaching out!

stonecoldcc

looking forward to all of those things! especially no guilt and shame and saving money lol thank you so much for sharing this with me.

fini

hello stonecoldcc, and welcome!
and thank you for being good company for me with the no-capital typing; we’re a rare breed!

“it’s been a hard 5 days and i have been kinda down on myself for how hard it has been ” - you know, here is a good opportunity to practice re-framing: from being down on yourself for how hard it has been to being “up” on yourself for persevering with something that has been hard.

way to go!

keep sharing and keep going.

Gabe1980

Welcome! It's lovely to have you here.

There are loads of us struggling through the early days and you will get tons of support.

I would encourage you to post whatever you feel, whatever you are struggling with and whatever you need. If a post is triggering for someone, it's really up to them to skip over it. I think being able to post what you need to is really important just now

Awake61

You are in the right place. SR is my centerpiece for staying awake and alive. Stay strong and so glad you are here sharing!!!