lewdog

Hello all,
I was curious if those here are using this as their only support? I have very bad social anxiety. Probably why I loved drinking to begin with because it made me feel I was normal. Over the years quitting for short times here and there the anxiety came back like a vengeance obviously during detox and after, but now after levelling out a bit (I am at almost 4 months) my social anxiety has come back and is keeping me from going to AA. I had a sponsor a while back when I had quit for about 2 months. He told me I had to go to 90 meeting in 90 days, which I understood. He also said I had to share at every meeting. For someone with social anxiety, this is pure hell. I failed, did not share much less go to meetings and went back to drinking. I am curious if anyone else has this problem because I am finally all in, but now feel like my SA is holding me back in my recovery. I know I cannot do this alone and want to be able to give myself fully to a program but feel like I can't. I also have not found much in terms of information for those with these types of issues. AA meetings have always been a major source of anxiety for me. Seeing the people there who have time under their belt and look so happy and free makes me feel more alone than ever, quite honestly I have never felt much a part of a community there. Any advice is greatly appreciated

Zencat

I'm happy to say that a wellness program suited to my unique needs saved my life. Here at SR (SoberRecovery) is an amazing amount information and support. I use DBT as one of my important tools in my wellness tool box. There is a great variety of ways to accomplish your goals. I say practice recovery to suit your unique recovery needs. It worked wonders for me.

Zencat

HI Lewdog. What do you think you can do now to help you? No pressure, share if you like. I believe in you!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I think it's important for you to find a recovery program/plan that works for you.

Following is a thread with lots of recovery plans and programs:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

There is a lot of support here and you never need to feel alone.

Dee74

Hi lewdog

because of the pandemic a lot of meetings are now online. You can go to a meeting without leaving the house
Would that be less stressful for you?

D

Patcha

Get on one of the big Zoom meetings and you can just sit back and listen. If you want to share you use the "raise your hand" function. Lots of people just listen without their cameras on. It's only that sponsor's opinion about sharing at every meeting (I've never heard of anyone who has been asked to do this). What if you don't get called on to share?

Here is the zoom ID for a 24/7 meeting. Zoom ID: 2923712604

A new meeting starts every hour. You can join at any time. I was just on it and there was 160 people there so it's fine to be anonymous and just listen!

BeABetterMan

“Hi my name is Lew, and I’m at an AA meeting today because my sponsor told me to be”.

You can identify as an alcoholic or not. You can share a lot or share a little. Some day you will have something to share, if today is not the day then that’s fine.

Another good share, “My name is Lew and I’m an alcoholic. I also suffer from social anxiety. I am glad to be here”.

”My name is Lew and I wish I was anywhere but here”

”My name is Lew and I’m grateful to be here”

”My name is Lew and I don’t want to be here but I know it is good for me”

”My name is Lew and I’m not comfortable sharing too much yet, thank you”

”My name is Lew and I’m an alcoholic and I’m sober today”

”My name is Lew and I’m struggling with social anxiety and sharing in meetings”.

”I’m Lew and I’m here because I can’t figure out how to stay sober on my own”

”I’m Lew and I’m an alcoholic but I don’t want to drink”

There are no right answers. There is no perfect share. You are not supposed to say anything profound. Your sponsor probably wants you to take contrary action, to step out of your comfort zone, but that is hard when anxiety is present. But ask yourself. Can you? Can you share just a little bit more than you’re comfortable with? What is to lose if you stick one toe outside of your comfort zone? And if today that is too much to bite off, then so be it.
I recommend being very forthright with your sponsor. Also, I go to lots of meetings on zoom. Sometimes I never turn my camera on because I’m self conscious about my appearance that day or I just don’t want to share or be noticed. But I don’t let myself stay in retreat mode every day. We have to get outside of ourselves. Believe it or not, the success or failure of that meeting does not depend on Lew. There is not a committee sitting and waiting to analyze Lew, truth is most alcoholics are obsessed with self. This is not a program where we get all the answers in a day. We make progress. Some days we go backwards. That’s ok.

You have a better chance at sobriety if you can find a way to stay involved in AA. I hope you do.

least

I thought a sponsor was supposed to be a 'guide', not a 'boss'. It would irritate me to be told I must go to 90 in 90, and to be forced to share. A suggestion would be ok, but not a demand, in my opinion.

Look into the online meetings, see if you'd be interested. Might be a lot less stress/anxiety if the meeting were online.

Abraham

I hear the meetings are online now. To answer your initial question I did use this site as my sole support. I had went to meetings cuz I had to a decade or more ago before I quit. It was not my thing type of deal. When I finally decided to quit it was this site that gave me the confidence to do it. I used no other dr or counsler or program. Just thought I'd pop in with a reply since the question spoke to my experience.

luvchunk

Anxiety, creeps in whenever I'm not drinking. You are not alone. I'm hoping that journaling and working steps helps.

D122y

As long as I am here, a zoom meeting, an AA meeting, taking a walk, washing my dog, etc etc....I am not drinking booze.

That is the main thing. It took several months of sobriety to really start to see some serious changes in how I felt. I am still seeing amazing changes.

I don't think a few months clean allows for the mind to normalize hugely. But, I feel healing each day. Each day it gets better.

I think we are all the same in the regards. We get a bit better each day. But, just because that is my opinion, doesn't make it right.

Search for the positive.

Thanks.

lewdog

Dbt?

Obladi

Sponsors are not supposed to be bosses but many of them do use militaristic tactics. It's really a disservice to the program.

I'd advise you to find Zoom meetings in your area. Just Google AA N.Y. or wherever. You can start off "just listening" until you have something to share. I know some people like those mega-meetings, but they remind me of watching mass on tv. I feel no connection there. You don't "get" the program by osmosis.

Just my opinion, of course.

O

Robbie64

I thought it was a typo but I checked and there is a DBT (Dialectical behaviour therapy) which is a type of talking therapy and which is based on CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). It's described on one website as being "specially adapted for people who feel emotions very intensely. The aim ofDBT is to help you: understand and accept your difficult feelings."

TiredCarpenter

I’ve heard a member tell the group that his early sponsor told him: ”Don’t say anything for the first year, you won’t know what the hell you’re talking about anyway”

Sponsors.
Just recovering people like the rest of us. (wise or otherwise)

RecklessDrunk

My expectations when I got in the program were yeah but .... I'm different, I'm nuts i have anxiety issues, i have mental health issues. This is going to be especially difficult for me.

Once I got started it seemed most people in AA did have some kind anxiety or some kind of issues. Some much worse off but they stayed sober. Its not about how we are different its about how we are alike. Try to find what you have in common with others. Most of us are a little messed up, thats why we drank. Being a little messed up should be sort of a glue that holds us all together. Accepting one another. Knowing we all have these faults and many similar faults. Especially anxiety issues I see this again and again and again in the program.

Maybe shop around and find meetings you are comfortable at.

You shouldn't feel pressured to share but you shouldn't feel afraid to either. I would say just go and listen a few times and listen for what you have in common. Eventually something you will want to share will come to mind. Once you see how much some of the other alcoholics are just like you then you should be comfortable sharing. I wouldn't just share for the sake of sharing.

In my job I like to just crunch numbers and im delighted when I don't have to waste time talking to people. At meetings though I like talking to other alcoholics. I share quite often, unless I just can't find anything to add to the reading or whatever I just pass, no big deal. You don't need to force anything.

BeABetterMan

I also don’t prefer militant sponsors but that type of sponsor is common amongst the older crowd. It does not work for me, but I would not throw it out completely. Some people have been the boss of their own life for too long and lack any respect for any other entity but self. Just because it does’t work for us doesn’t make it wrong IMO.

lewdog

I think Zoom meetings will be very helpful. And also looking around for a sponsor that understands my situation. I understand those saying get out of the "self" and push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone. I get that, but when you have anxiety problems like I have, its like an allergic reaction. You cant help your physical reaction which is very uncomfortable, even painful. So I think the zoom meetings will be beneficial and definitely finding sponsorship, but with someone willing to work with me. I really thank you for all the responses. I feel so much better when I log on. I know its a slow road and I'm trying to not make myself feel "rushed" to get to any part of my sobriety.

BeABetterMan

You’re doing the right thing logging on and getting input. You’re never alone in this. Whether it be addiction or anxiety, you’ll find people here willing to share their experiences. Good luck.

Derringer

If your sponsor can show you where in the book "Alcoholics anonymous" it says anything about 90 meetings or compulsory sharing at same, then maybe he'd have a leg to stand on .... but he won't, cause it's not in there and he doesn't.

90 in 90 is just twaddle made up by people who don't know any better and don't know what is in the book.

AA is a 12 step program, that is the recovery process. He should be guiding you through the book and those steps.