Klm1986

Well day one again. I went to a neighbors birthday party and made a complete and I mean complete ass out of myself and ruined the party. And since I live across the street I can’t even hide or pretend it didn’t happen. I am so humiliated and ashamed. And what’s worse it’s because I went 16 days sober and listened to that STUPID AV that told me I can control myself and my drinking. WRONG! I HAVE to stop thinking that a few days of sobriety means I can drink again. I don’t know how I am going to survive my shame, I don’t know why my husband is so strong in supporting me and standing beside me and putting up with all my crap. I’m just lost and ashamed and I just want to crawl in a hole and never come out...

Dropsie

We have all been there.

It is a terrible feeling. I wish I could make it go away but I cant.

But you can use it to help you make this the last time.

The thing to remember is that abstinence is not control. 16 days, 16 weeks, 16 months, 16 years, does not matter. One sip and we are all back there.

Once I accepted that to my soul I stopped and never looked back.

You can too.

You got this.

Klm1986

you are so right dropsie. The only way for me is complete and permanent abstinence.

Hawkeye13

Every time I get days / weeks / months / 1+ years built up sober, my AV will chime in too. Don't feel bad, just sit with the truth that people like us simply don't have a reliable "off switch" and because of that, we can never drink safely again.

I have been one of the slowest learners, and think the reason why has been that I just do so well sober for awhile, I really do get a false sense of control over alcohol, and using magical thinking, assume this means things have changed since the last relapse.

But they haven't, and they won't. The good news is that a sober life is a good life. It isn't punishment or deprivation, but a chance to really be yourself and feel your real feelings. Overall, I think that is a good thing if a little scary at first.

Dust yourself off, hold your head up, and realize you will feel much better as time goes on and you get solid once again in your sobriety.

Mizz

I am so sorry for what you are feeling right now. I know this is hard and it may seem unbearable but I assure you that you will get through this. I have been in your shoes so many many times. I think most of here have. We are here for support. If you have not done so already get in the shower and eat some food. Give yourself a little time to breathe. Stay close to SR for support. You don't have to feel this way ever again.

silentrun

I racked up a few of those. I was somewhere last night where someone was drunk and making an ass out of themselves. As a sober person, I didn't judge him. That's what alcohol does to people. The shame thing happened to me even when I was at home drinking by myself. I always woke up with this deep sense of regret. I think that's part of the toxic effects alcohol has on our brains. I haven't felt that shame since I escaped my drinking days.

Hevyn

Hi Klm. I did the same sort of thing many times. I finally got the message - I can't allow a drop of it in my system. It always ends with embarrassment, humiliation, even danger. This doesn't need to ever happen again. You can get free.

Anna

You never have to feel this way again.

LumenandNyx

Hi,

That might not be such a bad idea. At least the 'crawl into a hole' part. You should definitely come back out though. While you're in there - maybe quit overthinking the drinking and the not drinking issues - and just air out. Then, pop your head out, crawl out slowly, step forward, remove alcohol from your peripherals' - get up and move along.

The only way to the side of life you want to be on is through the internal drama you created by swallowing alcohol. That side of life exits, but what you created here isn't the sort of thing you can sidestep and walk around.

The really good new is - you never ever have to go through this again. At some point in the future - as long as you don't swallow any more alcohol - you can look back on this tragedy and say to yourself, "Damn. That sucked. Glad I never have to go through that again!"

Steely

I know the feeling Klm1986, been there a number of times. The shame and humiliation is awful, I know. But let me say, it does get better, and people forgive and forget once we have gotten sober. They SEE it in us, and are glad we've chosen sobriety.

I'd give it a little time, and then I'd apologise. I felt better knowing that I had done everything I could to make amends. But the biggest amends (for me) was to stop drinking alcohol. We deserve better than that Klm.

You have a husband who cares about you and is standing by because he knows who you REALLY are. Alcohol changes me and I don't like the change. Hop on the sober bus Klm, it's a much better trip.

Dee74

People do forget.

I was the neighbourhood bum - with all that entails. I wasn't homeless but I was only one missed rent payment away.

I turned it around and stayed sober. If I can you can too

D

Derringer

I went on for years thinking if I didn't drink for a little bit, I didn't really have a problem and that "it'll be different" next time.

Very occasionally too, I would actually pull off a sociable kinda evening, not drink too much, behave alright and be up and about with out too bother the next day.

I clung to the tiny bit of evidence, whilst ignoring the fact that the vast majority of nights ended like yours .... Way to much to drink, played up, made a fool of myself, felt ashamed and embarrassed and too hungover to be of any real use to anyone the next day.

Hopefully you can weigh the evidence a little more closely next time.

least

Make this your last day one.

Wastinglife

I have many nights like yours Kim. What I didn't quite realize for a while is that people are generally much more forgiving than you think. They tend to have short-term memories when it comes to parties because everyone has probably seen such drunken antics on so many different occasions that it's just a normal part of life. They've already forgotten about it

Surrendered19

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger Klm. Most of us have been there. I did some horrifying things in my drinking days. People quickly forgive things like that if they see you change. But now you cannot say anything to make it better other than to apologize to your hosts. Beyond that you are at the point that you have to let your actions speak for you. You must now show people you are trustworthy and that you aren't a risk to be around. If you show them they will see it.