How many times will I post "Im back?"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
How many times will I post "Im back?"
As many times as it takes. I'm back. I Just attended my first AA meeting on Zoom. I've been sober now for 3 days. Living in groundhogs day of alcoholism has been quite debilitating. The crippling anxiety, shame, feeling physically ill all the time, not remembering my actions. Basically living my life trying to control this thing that cannot be controlled. I know the drill. I know what I have to do.
I've relapsed more times that I can count. I first became a member here back in 2012.
I can get a year under me and then something happens.... I cant explain the "something" but I start to become agitated, depressed. I ruminate. Then I drink. Its all down hill from there. The last time I was sober I was incapable of accepting help, asking for help and incapable of implementing suggestions given. No man is an Island. Even If I thought I was doing everything in my power to stay sober I obviously was not and I've been drinking for the past 2 years. I've dipped in and out of this forum knowing I should stay. Not ready to surrender. Mizuno was my username before.
Unfortunately, I have spent the last 2 days in bed with severe anxiety, shame and feeling like a knife was being jammed into my brain. The hangovers and the actions while intoxicated are getting worse and worse. The guilt is monumental.
Thank you in advance for your support.
Plan:
I will be attending AA daily for the next 90 days.
I will be participating in this online community daily
I will start my journaling again... daily.
Ive reached out to a therapist for weekly sessions.
I will take this one day at a time.
I've relapsed more times that I can count. I first became a member here back in 2012.
I can get a year under me and then something happens.... I cant explain the "something" but I start to become agitated, depressed. I ruminate. Then I drink. Its all down hill from there. The last time I was sober I was incapable of accepting help, asking for help and incapable of implementing suggestions given. No man is an Island. Even If I thought I was doing everything in my power to stay sober I obviously was not and I've been drinking for the past 2 years. I've dipped in and out of this forum knowing I should stay. Not ready to surrender. Mizuno was my username before.
Unfortunately, I have spent the last 2 days in bed with severe anxiety, shame and feeling like a knife was being jammed into my brain. The hangovers and the actions while intoxicated are getting worse and worse. The guilt is monumental.
Thank you in advance for your support.
Plan:
I will be attending AA daily for the next 90 days.
I will be participating in this online community daily
I will start my journaling again... daily.
Ive reached out to a therapist for weekly sessions.
I will take this one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 742
You may want to start scouting meetings for a sponsor.
Ive heard the big book compared to 747 airplane instruction manual. You could read the manual and try and figure out how to fly the plane or go through the book with a pilot.
I know therapist have certain credentials and all and some need them. Sponsors i think don't get enough credit. Therapist have the book knowledge but a sponsor has likely been through something similar. If your boxing it would be nice to have a professional strength coach, a nutritionist. People with best and most up to date professional knowledge to keep you in the best possible condition. Now imagine adding Mike Tyson with no college education. I still would trust he knows how to win the fight though. Thats what AA can offer. Somebody that's already won many fights giving free advice.
Ive heard the big book compared to 747 airplane instruction manual. You could read the manual and try and figure out how to fly the plane or go through the book with a pilot.
I know therapist have certain credentials and all and some need them. Sponsors i think don't get enough credit. Therapist have the book knowledge but a sponsor has likely been through something similar. If your boxing it would be nice to have a professional strength coach, a nutritionist. People with best and most up to date professional knowledge to keep you in the best possible condition. Now imagine adding Mike Tyson with no college education. I still would trust he knows how to win the fight though. Thats what AA can offer. Somebody that's already won many fights giving free advice.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by patrisha 
As many times as it takes. I'm back. I Just attended my first AA meeting on Zoom. I've been sober now for 3 days. Living in groundhogs day of alcoholism has been quite debilitating. The crippling anxiety, shame, feeling physically ill all the time, not remembering my actions. Basically living my life trying to control this thing that cannot be controlled. I know the drill. I know what I have to do.
I've relapsed more times that I can count. I first became a member here back in 2012.
I can get a year under me and then something happens.... I cant explain the "something" but I start to become agitated, depressed. I ruminate. Then I drink. Its all down hill from there. The last time I was sober I was incapable of accepting help, asking for help and incapable of implementing suggestions given. No man is an Island. Even If I thought I was doing everything in my power to stay sober I obviously was not and I've been drinking for the past 2 years. I've dipped in and out of this forum knowing I should stay. Not ready to surrender. Mizuno was my username before.
Unfortunately, I have spent the last 2 days in bed with severe anxiety, shame and feeling like a knife was being jammed into my brain. The hangovers and the actions while intoxicated are getting worse and worse. The guilt is monumental.
Thank you in advance for your support.
Plan:
I will be attending AA daily for the next 90 days.
I will be participating in this online community daily
I will start my journaling again... daily.
Ive reached out to a therapist for weekly sessions.
I will take this one day at a time.
I've relapsed more times that I can count. I first became a member here back in 2012.
I can get a year under me and then something happens.... I cant explain the "something" but I start to become agitated, depressed. I ruminate. Then I drink. Its all down hill from there. The last time I was sober I was incapable of accepting help, asking for help and incapable of implementing suggestions given. No man is an Island. Even If I thought I was doing everything in my power to stay sober I obviously was not and I've been drinking for the past 2 years. I've dipped in and out of this forum knowing I should stay. Not ready to surrender. Mizuno was my username before.
Unfortunately, I have spent the last 2 days in bed with severe anxiety, shame and feeling like a knife was being jammed into my brain. The hangovers and the actions while intoxicated are getting worse and worse. The guilt is monumental.
Thank you in advance for your support.
Plan:
I will be attending AA daily for the next 90 days.
I will be participating in this online community daily
I will start my journaling again... daily.
Ive reached out to a therapist for weekly sessions.
I will take this one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Thank you, Anna. I have a friend who is texting me numbers of women in AA locally. I never took this route before and I think it really hindered my own recovery. I was sober but not mentally and emotionally sober. I look forward to the peace and serenity that comes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Welcome back Patrisha 
If you can go a year sober you must be doing some things right. For me acceptance that I can have the life I want so long as I don’t drink is pretty important. It ‘keeps it green’ as they say
D
If you can go a year sober you must be doing some things right. For me acceptance that I can have the life I want so long as I don’t drink is pretty important. It ‘keeps it green’ as they say
D
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Mizz!!
I am so happy to see you back. I've missed you dearly, my dear.
That miserable anxiety and shame will pass. Just one step at a time.
Try to remember to take it easy on yourself.
O
I am so happy to see you back. I've missed you dearly, my dear.
That miserable anxiety and shame will pass. Just one step at a time.
Try to remember to take it easy on yourself.
O
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I knew you'd be back one day; I'm so glad to know it's time for you to do this thing.
I'm doing reasonably well, a hell of a lot better than before. You know I joined SR just a bit after you did, and 2020 was my year; I bet it will be yours too!
O
I'm doing reasonably well, a hell of a lot better than before. You know I joined SR just a bit after you did, and 2020 was my year; I bet it will be yours too!
O
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
How many times...you answered it.
Nice to have you back, Miz. I see you have started a daily accountability thread. I really liked my "Class of" thread, then I joined in some other ones, too.
You can do this, you already know it's better on the sober side.
Nice to have you back, Miz. I see you have started a daily accountability thread. I really liked my "Class of" thread, then I joined in some other ones, too.
You can do this, you already know it's better on the sober side.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
Missed you Mizz, and glad to see you back!
I also have struggled with relapse, but here we are still at the sobriety thing.
Determination counts. It will stick if we don’t quit quitting.
Hope you pop over to O’s thread and catch up soon
I also have struggled with relapse, but here we are still at the sobriety thing.
Determination counts. It will stick if we don’t quit quitting.
Hope you pop over to O’s thread and catch up soon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I have a sponsor! That was quick.
Too quick?
Whatever. I'm going to roll with it.
I have some homework to do. Take notes. Get back with sponsor to go over the homework.
Also, an every Wednesday night meeting to attend with sponsor and sponsee's......sponsies.....???? (try to find the spelling of that one)
My life is becoming full in some ways already.
Phone rings.
Me: Hello
Friend: Hey, wanna have a social distance drink?
Me: Sorry, babe! Im busy getting a ******* life over here. Gotta jam! Love ya though!
Attended a meeting this AM.
Its been a fine Sunday.
Too quick?
Whatever. I'm going to roll with it.
I have some homework to do. Take notes. Get back with sponsor to go over the homework.
Also, an every Wednesday night meeting to attend with sponsor and sponsee's......sponsies.....???? (try to find the spelling of that one)
My life is becoming full in some ways already.
Phone rings.
Me: Hello
Friend: Hey, wanna have a social distance drink?
Me: Sorry, babe! Im busy getting a ******* life over here. Gotta jam! Love ya though!
Attended a meeting this AM.
Its been a fine Sunday.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
You need never type another "I'm back" post again! All you need to do is what you are already doing and no it is not too soon to get a sponsor, this is your life you are talking about so no delays!
Going through the steps has given me peace and serenity. Something I never ever had before. It works if you work it and you sound like you are ready to work it so you go girl!!!
♥️🙏♥️🙏
Going through the steps has given me peace and serenity. Something I never ever had before. It works if you work it and you sound like you are ready to work it so you go girl!!!
♥️🙏♥️🙏
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I know that soul-crushing anxiety/depression after a bender. I can't leave the house for 3 days during which I will not have slept a wink. Remember that your brain is adjusting to the absence of alcohol so your nerves will overactive for a while.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
