What is wrong with me????
 

Honestly guys idk what the heck is wrong with me. I’ve been in a recovery program for opiate addiction for over two years and haven’t had a problem with alcohol for three. But now I have a drinking problem again. Started with COVID. I’m tempted to use pills. It’s 2:15 in the afternoon and I’m ****** up.

I’m a horrible person and a worthless life who will never be able to do any good. I can’t do anything right.

Firstly...you are not worthless or horrible. You sound like an addict to me and those thoughts are your addiction talking. If you believe them....then it is easier to use again, because there is no point to anything.

You have done so well.....please don't give up on yourself. You deserve to have a good life and you can get through this.

Is there anyone you can call for help??

No you are not. You posted here cause you want to better yourself. Pills man they will change the way you think. Even afterwards the paws. I couldn't even look in the mirror sometimes being filled with self pitty. It will take time and hard work to get the reward of being clear. But I know you can do it. You've been in a program for 2 years that tells me that you are committed and have dedication.

Treeguy my brother do not beat yourself up! We all have that addict in us here and we have all messed up and done things we know we shouldn't do with drugs and alcohol. These are very hard times and COVID put me over the edge as well. The fact you are here today and admitting you made a mistake that you wish to grow from says a lot about you and how strong you are, and that you are a good person who cares. You know you can beat this, you have beaten it before. Unfortunately we cannot kill addiction we can only knock it down. So we have to get in the ring for a rematch every so often. It sounds like the first round or two of this match with addiction you have taken some punches but you are not knocked out! You came to the corner of the ring between rounds so we can clean you up a bit and adjust the strategy. We will win this by the 10th round and will not let it go to decision. Take some deep breaths, you do not have to win this round just do not get knocked out! Try to take it easy the rest of today, damage control. Food, naps, anything to slow the attack. We are here for you, I totally understand and I care about you bro.

Your addiction really wants you to believe that you are worthless and horrible, but it's lying. It's lying to try to make you do what it wants you to do. But you don't have to.

That is not true because you are on here and reaching out for help which is definitely the right thing to do.

Can you call someone you know from the recovery program for opiate addiction to come over and help you to walk this period or call the AA hotline?

Also don't pick up another drink, pick up the keyboard and talk to us. I have been where you are at the moment and while I don't know much, I know what it is like and I want to help anyone who is feeling the way you are. Although if at all possible, I would recommend in person help if you are as desperate as I was.

I had people (who weren't even addicts or alcoholics, just caring people) that came over and sat with me for few days to help protect me from myself because my addiction was running rampant and I needed help not to drink which I wasn't going to be able to do if left alone. I needed in person help.

You are not horrible nor worthless. You are just hurting. You are a human being and we all hurt and need help at times.

Keep reaching out to the hands that are reaching back to pull you into the lifeboat. There is safety and help in numbers.

Treeguy, you're an addict, not a horrible or worthless person. You are in pain. But, you're here, with us, seeking support.

Do you have something you could add to your recovery plan to help you get sober?

treeguy, I think nez makes a great point. If posting here helps and you can stop just using this support, great. I know in-person or at least hearing voices of live people in recovery helped me a lot in early days. I went to meetings every day and I called other people in the program every day. It's what I needed. Do call someone, they want to help.

You're not worthless, you just feel that way. Keep reaching out for help. Come here if you're tempted to use or drink and we'll try to talk you out of it. :hug:

First thing is to cut out the negative self talk. It isn't easy but you can do it. Just the fact that you are here and trying makes you among the elite few. I have screwed up many times but have finally found my forever quit. You will too! Bottom line though is to cut the negative self talk. It doesnt help anything. I used to go for walks and talk myself through stuff with positive talk.

Hi Treeguy
there’s nothing wrong with you that’s not wrong with the rest of us man. I think most of us have the experience of having some sober/clean time and then relapsing again. I know I did.

I think rather than asking yourself why, perhaps a better question might be what am I going to do about this.

You know why. You have an addiction problem. Many of us hoped we were ‘done’ but found ourselves falling back.


The good news is you’ve racked up some recovery time. You know how to get sober and clean - now you need to learn how to stay that way for good.

This site is great, but if SR alone is not helping you get to where you want to be, I think the suggestions here to try some other things as well is a great idea :)

D

The alcoholic living in my head likes to tell me the same thing.
It's a lie.
It tells me lies so that I have excuses to give it drinks.
'Cause if you're truly worthless, why not drink?

What's funny is I would never get on this forum and tell someone in relapse, "you're a worthless human".
Because it isn't true.
But I said it to myself all the time.
And I believed it, even though it wasn't true.

Drink some water. Get some sleep.
Tomorrow there is work to do.

Best of Luck on Your Journey. :ring

Do not despair. Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future.

Please don't be offended, but your post made me laugh a little. First, because it's so preposterous. You are not a "worthless life" and of course you can do things right. And secondly, I guess I laughed because I can really relate. God, I felt so worthless when I was in the grips of alcohol. Hell, I felt worse than worthless. Doing nothing right would have been bad enough, but I actually did harm.

My friend, take the alcohol away and those feelings will disappear. What if I told you that you could have everything on the list below if you're willing to follow some simple steps?

-Know a new freedom and a new happiness.
-Not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
-Comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
-See how your experience can benefit others.
-Have the feeling of uselessness and self-pity disappear.
-Lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
-Self-seeking will slip away.
-Your whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
-Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave.
-Intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle you.

There are a lot of us on this board for which these promises have come true. You never have to feel this way again.

Time heals, Treeguy, it really does.

You're not worthless. You're trying to get better. Stick around, keep working at it. You have a lot of people here rooting for you.

Hang in there, treeguy! You're not worthless, that's just the addiction talking. You can do this!

How’s it going this morning tree guy? You’re not worthless, just struggling. You’ve been in recovery a little while now, and I’m guessing you have some tools you’re not using. I’m glad you’re here posting. Do you have face to face support?

I disagree, you are NOT a horrible person or worthless. You are an addict of sorts. I relapsed at start of COVID lockdown, but I pulled out of it and so can you. Rooting for ya.

I wanted to drink everyday because I’m an alcoholic. It’s a battle in the beginning. The urge and craving will be there. The easiest thing to do is to pick up the drink but we know where that goes. It’s painful but when you come out the other side it is so worth it.
I took a lot of walks , I exercised, I read, ate healthy foods. Jumped into AA. Keep it in the moment or in the day. Sounds cliche but it does work