59 days today!
 

Just popping in with my periodic check in I am super happy to say that I made 59 days today and the last time that I had 59 days I ended up relapsing on 59 right before I hit my 60 Milestone....

I've been knowing this whole time that this time was going to be different and that I was going to push past that 60 and that's exactly what I intend to do.... I have not one thought or intention in my head about drinking or using drugs and if I do I dismiss it as not an option so for that I am greatful.


But I am going through some mental health and medical issues and I Just want to vent for a moment because I feel I don't have anyone to talk to...

At the moment I am probably one of the most stress that I've ever been due to my situation in life right now and I am supposed to be having gastric bypass surgery in a couple days to fix my previous bariatric surgery but I'm severely anemic and they want to do a blood transfusion first and I may have bleeding ulcer, etc,... I have the choice to cancel the surgery and reschedule it but if I do that I don't think I'm going to be able to afford it later if I don't do it now but it's causing me a ton of stress... also I know that addiction transfer is very real because after I had my last bariatric surgery that's when my alcoholism got so much worse because you're not able to eat more than one or two bites at a time so the only other thing to drowned your emotions out in is basically alcohol. And as for right now because I'm newly sober I am using food to cope and too soothe myself with... if I do go through with the surgery I'm not going to be able to really eat much for a while.... so just sitting with myself all day not using alcohol or drugs or even being able to eat I just don't know what I would do with myself that just sounds stressful but I have been fighting eating disorders since I was 8 years old and I am just so tired of it😫
​​​​​​... I also haven't had any work in about 3 weeks and have gained 15 more lbs....

On a good note today I just started a new mood stabilizer and next week I am going to start with a therapist for the first time in a long time...

I'm not trying to be negative as there is a lot of positive things going on right now and I am definitely proud of myself I just don't feel very well health-wise and am overwhelmed. I don't know that I'm looking for any special advice or anything but I just wanted to get that out there because my friends are not being very supportive right now and I don't have family.

Thank you for listening!

Congrats on 59 days sober! :scoregood Keep going, it gets better, a little at a time. :hug:

Of all the things that worry you at least you have your sobriety today. Keep it up and things will get better.

I so understand about unsupportive friends. Now I don't even bother with any of them anymore, along with my pretentious family. Sobriety is what matters most. Oh, and my new kitten is a sweetheart. My old dog has benefited from my being awake and he has been a happier guy!

Congratulations on day 59.

That sounds really stressful. One thing though, is that it is all kicking around in your own head. You're living a lot in the future and that is what creates stress and anxiety. You might just tell yourself to give yourself a break and put the surgery off until later. Have faith that you will save your money and be ready for the surgery later. When we are addicts, we are so used to not being able to follow through on things at a future date. When we're sober, we can follow through. We can make plans. We can succeed.

The flip side is, you might proceed with the surgery, and if you decide to do that, that is fine too. Make your best decision and live with it. Living with the what-ifs of the future is what harms us.

If it were me, I would say a prayer at bedtime asking God to help give you the strength to persevere no matter what decision you make.

Congrats on nearly 60 days :)

I understand if you take away comfort eating thats like facing life without a net but there's no reason to expect you won;t be able to do that :)

explain all you have here about your fears for the operation to your doctor - they'll give you good the best most useful feedback I think :)

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One foot in front of the other. Congrats on 59 days! One more step is 60.

Thanks for the words
 

you make some good points. I am not living in the chaotic addict environment that I was when I was using so it is true that I may be able to plan better and wait it out... But at the same time whatever I do I need to just make peace with it now and give up that control... The worry won't help

Good work on 59 days 🙂.

Heya Rsanchez, I'm so glad you came here to vent . . . that is sure what this place is for.

Also it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Kudos to you for lining up what you can to get yourself a new therapist and try a mood stabilizer . . . . keep taking that next right step no matter how teeny.

Congrats on 60 days RSanchez :)

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