Need this to finally stick
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Need this to finally stick
Hello all,
I have posted periodically over the years, and I am hoping to get back on track with it, as it seemed to help previously. I am a serious binge drinker..... I don't think about the booze at all during the week, but I typically drink my face off Friday to Sunday, Holidays, vacations, etc. I have quit many times for 1-3 months, but I always end up going back.
I just can't take it anymore... My body/mind can no longer handle it. I go from buzzed to blacked out real quick, and during this time, I am capable of doing anything. I am talking drinking and driving, blowing cocaine, being unfaithful to my wife, excessive gambling, and making a general fool out of myself.
Outside of the drinking, I have the perfect life. A beautiful wife, 2 health children, and a great job. But come the weekends, I turn into an animal. And to top it off, my hangovers have gotten so brutal, it takes me 2-3 days after a binge to start feeling slightly normal. After a binge, I down with severe depression, where I honestly feel like the biggest piece of **** in the world, and extremely helpless.... Usually take 3 days to shake that off.
Anyways. I 100% need to quit and for good. I might try AA at this point, as I heard it was helpful. I am very scared of losing it all.... My wife, my kids, or even my life....
Thanks
I have posted periodically over the years, and I am hoping to get back on track with it, as it seemed to help previously. I am a serious binge drinker..... I don't think about the booze at all during the week, but I typically drink my face off Friday to Sunday, Holidays, vacations, etc. I have quit many times for 1-3 months, but I always end up going back.
I just can't take it anymore... My body/mind can no longer handle it. I go from buzzed to blacked out real quick, and during this time, I am capable of doing anything. I am talking drinking and driving, blowing cocaine, being unfaithful to my wife, excessive gambling, and making a general fool out of myself.
Outside of the drinking, I have the perfect life. A beautiful wife, 2 health children, and a great job. But come the weekends, I turn into an animal. And to top it off, my hangovers have gotten so brutal, it takes me 2-3 days after a binge to start feeling slightly normal. After a binge, I down with severe depression, where I honestly feel like the biggest piece of **** in the world, and extremely helpless.... Usually take 3 days to shake that off.
Anyways. I 100% need to quit and for good. I might try AA at this point, as I heard it was helpful. I am very scared of losing it all.... My wife, my kids, or even my life....
Thanks
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Hi,
I'm going to touch on the post to your thread. You wrote "Need this to finally stick"
Nothing is going to stick until you stop swallowing alcohol. I just wrote this in another thread and I'll share it here - - - I believe that folks who are serious about wanting their sobriety need to become non-drinkers. Becoming entails more than just not swallowing alcohol. It requires entering a new mental head space and taking up permanent residency there. Everything else you do, like meetings and reading and therapy and - add whatever you want, might contribute to your success, but not until you've stopped reaching for a drink.
I'm going to touch on the post to your thread. You wrote "Need this to finally stick"
Nothing is going to stick until you stop swallowing alcohol. I just wrote this in another thread and I'll share it here - - - I believe that folks who are serious about wanting their sobriety need to become non-drinkers. Becoming entails more than just not swallowing alcohol. It requires entering a new mental head space and taking up permanent residency there. Everything else you do, like meetings and reading and therapy and - add whatever you want, might contribute to your success, but not until you've stopped reaching for a drink.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Great to see you, GoodLife - you sound ready to do this. We know you can.
I once drank like you - but because I didn't quit it escalated. In the end, I was drinking 24/7 with a ruined life. I agree that we turn into a different version of ourselves when drunk - I still can't believe some of the things I did while impaired. Quitting entirely was the only way to stay safe & sane. There was no control once it was in my system.
Congrats for making this decision - we will help.
I once drank like you - but because I didn't quit it escalated. In the end, I was drinking 24/7 with a ruined life. I agree that we turn into a different version of ourselves when drunk - I still can't believe some of the things I did while impaired. Quitting entirely was the only way to stay safe & sane. There was no control once it was in my system.
Congrats for making this decision - we will help.
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Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
GoodLife, I'm so glad you decided to join and to seek support.
As it seems you have found, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse until we stop drinking completely. It can all seem overwhelming at the outset, but you can do this. Many of us here have managed to stop drinking and to recover. You can, too.
As it seems you have found, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse until we stop drinking completely. It can all seem overwhelming at the outset, but you can do this. Many of us here have managed to stop drinking and to recover. You can, too.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Great to see you, GoodLife - you sound ready to do this. We know you can.
I once drank like you - but because I didn't quit it escalated. In the end, I was drinking 24/7 with a ruined life. I agree that we turn into a different version of ourselves when drunk - I still can't believe some of the things I did while impaired. Quitting entirely was the only way to stay safe & sane. There was no control once it was in my system.
Congrats for making this decision - we will help.
I once drank like you - but because I didn't quit it escalated. In the end, I was drinking 24/7 with a ruined life. I agree that we turn into a different version of ourselves when drunk - I still can't believe some of the things I did while impaired. Quitting entirely was the only way to stay safe & sane. There was no control once it was in my system.
Congrats for making this decision - we will help.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by least
For me, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I also started practicing gratitude every day and that helped me want to stay sober.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by GoodLife32
Thanks.... how did you get the decision to quit to stick? I feel so mentally low right now, it is really tough to even think about the future... I can usually take sobriety seriously for 2-3 months, but I ALWAYS come back to the booze.
This is where getting it to stick happened. There was no one big moment where the light came on. I think I was just ready to give up and give in. In AA, they told me their goal was to never drink again. I must have been ready for that. I never honestly considered that as a solution before. Unthinkable as never drinking again was, I just decided, "OK then. I'll make that my goal." It was conditional at that moment when I said it, but I remember being serious about trying it at least.
It was just a small perception shift in a sea of things that didn't work before, but something triggered. As the cravings subsided, what was a conditional test became a deep commitment to never touch another drop, but it was a little different than a commitment too. Something clicked and I just knew I was done. I knew I'd be tempted, but knew when one temptation showed up, I would choose not to drink, especially if I felt like I could actually handle it. I did make a commitment to that choice. Somehow, I came to an understanding that I could never drink again. I stopped bull$hitting myself.
How do you do that? Hmmm. Not sure. I just accepted that was the only way. That was years and years ago. Oddly, none of this ever felt like I was making a sacrifice. I was only gaining, without giving anything up. I still don't want to drink anymore. That need is gone. I've got better things to do than act like a pathetic drunk for the rest of my life. They call this freedom, and it's a wonderful feeling to be free.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,514
Originally Posted by GoodLife32
Thanks.... how did you get the decision to quit to stick? I feel so mentally low right now, it is really tough to even think about the future... I can usually take sobriety seriously for 2-3 months, but I ALWAYS come back to the booze.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
GoodLife - In my case, I really had no choice. I was drinking 24/7, had a dui, my health was suffering, everyone was upset with me. I didn't want to die - that was my motivation. Prior to reaching that point I had made lame attempts over the years but none of them stuck. I wish it hadn't taken a complete melt down to make me take it seriously.
Being here at SR really helped - the knowledge that I was no longer alone - & could talk things over here any time - gave me strength.
Being here at SR really helped - the knowledge that I was no longer alone - & could talk things over here any time - gave me strength.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by DriGuy
This was not addressed to me, but it's a very important question, and possibly a difficult one to answer. I can't explain it easily. For me, I was in your place, but not an "off and on" binge drinker. I just drank excessively everyday. Like you I was sick of it, and couldn't seem to find a way out. I was embarrassed, confused, afraid, and starting to feel crazy. I needed to get good and sick of the mess. Next, I started reaching out, and learned a few simple things about quitting from books and other recovering alcoholics.
This is where getting it to stick happened. There was no one big moment where the light came on. I think I was just ready to give up and give in. In AA, they told me their goal was to never drink again. I must have been ready for that. I never honestly considered that as a solution before. Unthinkable as never drinking again was, I just decided, "OK then. I'll make that my goal." It was conditional at that moment when I said it, but I remember being serious about trying it at least.
It was just a small perception shift in a sea of things that didn't work before, but something triggered. As the cravings subsided, what was a conditional test became a deep commitment to never touch another drop, but it was a little different than a commitment too. Something clicked and I just knew I was done. I knew I'd be tempted, but knew when one temptation showed up, I would choose not to drink, especially if I felt like I could actually handle it. I did make a commitment to that choice. Somehow, I came to an understanding that I could never drink again. I stopped bull$hitting myself.
How do you do that? Hmmm. Not sure. I just accepted that was the only way. That was years and years ago. Oddly, none of this ever felt like I was making a sacrifice. I was only gaining, without giving anything up. I still don't want to drink anymore. That need is gone. I've got better things to do than act like a pathetic drunk for the rest of my life. They call this freedom, and it's a wonderful feeling to be free.
This is where getting it to stick happened. There was no one big moment where the light came on. I think I was just ready to give up and give in. In AA, they told me their goal was to never drink again. I must have been ready for that. I never honestly considered that as a solution before. Unthinkable as never drinking again was, I just decided, "OK then. I'll make that my goal." It was conditional at that moment when I said it, but I remember being serious about trying it at least.
It was just a small perception shift in a sea of things that didn't work before, but something triggered. As the cravings subsided, what was a conditional test became a deep commitment to never touch another drop, but it was a little different than a commitment too. Something clicked and I just knew I was done. I knew I'd be tempted, but knew when one temptation showed up, I would choose not to drink, especially if I felt like I could actually handle it. I did make a commitment to that choice. Somehow, I came to an understanding that I could never drink again. I stopped bull$hitting myself.
How do you do that? Hmmm. Not sure. I just accepted that was the only way. That was years and years ago. Oddly, none of this ever felt like I was making a sacrifice. I was only gaining, without giving anything up. I still don't want to drink anymore. That need is gone. I've got better things to do than act like a pathetic drunk for the rest of my life. They call this freedom, and it's a wonderful feeling to be free.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
It got real bad into my later 30s and early 40s. I had a college education, some technical training, worked at the same company since age 27. Was a pretty active runner and gym rat all my of adult life.
Many mornings I would conclude this can never happen again! I would spend good money after bad. Drive drunk and go into high crime areas. I would turn into a different person when I drank. Friends use to joke and call me by a different first name.
I would start out determined that I will not drink and drive. I will not go to the ATM. I will not go buy crack cocaine. At least in those last few years I don't think there was one single night that at the time of opening that first beer that I had any intention of smoking crack. Many nights before I opened that 1st beer you could have put me on a lie detector and I would have said I'm not smoking crack tonight and passed because I truly believed myself.
Then those high alcohol craft beers kick in and I become my twin brother. Its like I check out and give my car and checking account over to some moron for the next several hours.
I wasn't even driving reckless, you know how suburban cops get nosy late at night? I found myself in jail with a printout of tickets taller then me.
Felony pos of cocaine.
Pos of marijuana
DWI
Narcotics in a motor vehicle (they can suspend you for that too)
Careless or reckless driving i don't remember, because drunk and over the speed limit by a few mph
It gets ridiculous what charges they can dream up i don't even remember all of them.
My lawyer sent me to AA. A lot of things worked themselves out. Once I sat in the rooms and started reading the big book and the 12 & 12 with other alcoholics I started understanding myself and my condition a lot more. Not only had I imagined the impossible, a life without alcohol, but a weight had come off my shoulder as well. I got a sponsor that also liked to smoke crack and he took me through the 12 steps.
This is the time to go check out AA. You really dont want to figure this out in jail or a lawyer's office or divorce court or whatever other mess drinking and druggin can cause.
Many mornings I would conclude this can never happen again! I would spend good money after bad. Drive drunk and go into high crime areas. I would turn into a different person when I drank. Friends use to joke and call me by a different first name.
I would start out determined that I will not drink and drive. I will not go to the ATM. I will not go buy crack cocaine. At least in those last few years I don't think there was one single night that at the time of opening that first beer that I had any intention of smoking crack. Many nights before I opened that 1st beer you could have put me on a lie detector and I would have said I'm not smoking crack tonight and passed because I truly believed myself.
Then those high alcohol craft beers kick in and I become my twin brother. Its like I check out and give my car and checking account over to some moron for the next several hours.
I wasn't even driving reckless, you know how suburban cops get nosy late at night? I found myself in jail with a printout of tickets taller then me.
Felony pos of cocaine.
Pos of marijuana
DWI
Narcotics in a motor vehicle (they can suspend you for that too)
Careless or reckless driving i don't remember, because drunk and over the speed limit by a few mph
It gets ridiculous what charges they can dream up i don't even remember all of them.
My lawyer sent me to AA. A lot of things worked themselves out. Once I sat in the rooms and started reading the big book and the 12 & 12 with other alcoholics I started understanding myself and my condition a lot more. Not only had I imagined the impossible, a life without alcohol, but a weight had come off my shoulder as well. I got a sponsor that also liked to smoke crack and he took me through the 12 steps.
This is the time to go check out AA. You really dont want to figure this out in jail or a lawyer's office or divorce court or whatever other mess drinking and druggin can cause.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk
It got real bad into my later 30s and early 40s. I had a college education, some technical training, worked at the same company since age 27. Was a pretty active runner and gym rat all my of adult life.
Many mornings I would conclude this can never happen again! I would spend good money after bad. Drive drunk and go into high crime areas. I would turn into a different person when I drank. Friends use to joke and call me by a different first name.
I would start out determined that I will not drink and drive. I will not go to the ATM. I will not go buy crack cocaine. At least in those last few years I don't think there was one single night that at the time of opening that first beer that I had any intention of smoking crack. Many nights before I opened that 1st beer you could have put me on a lie detector and I would have said I'm not smoking crack tonight and passed because I truly believed myself.
Then those high alcohol craft beers kick in and I become my twin brother. Its like I check out and give my car and checking account over to some moron for the next several hours.
I wasn't even driving reckless, you know how suburban cops get nosy late at night? I found myself in jail with a printout of tickets taller then me.
Felony pos of cocaine.
Pos of marijuana
DWI
Narcotics in a motor vehicle (they can suspend you for that too)
Careless or reckless driving i don't remember, because drunk and over the speed limit by a few mph
It gets ridiculous what charges they can dream up i don't even remember all of them.
My lawyer sent me to AA. A lot of things worked themselves out. Once I sat in the rooms and started reading the big book and the 12 & 12 with other alcoholics I started understanding myself and my condition a lot more. Not only had I imagined the impossible, a life without alcohol, but a weight had come off my shoulder as well. I got a sponsor that also liked to smoke crack and he took me through the 12 steps.
This is the time to go check out AA. You really dont want to figure this out in jail or a lawyer's office or divorce court or whatever other mess drinking and druggin can cause.
Many mornings I would conclude this can never happen again! I would spend good money after bad. Drive drunk and go into high crime areas. I would turn into a different person when I drank. Friends use to joke and call me by a different first name.
I would start out determined that I will not drink and drive. I will not go to the ATM. I will not go buy crack cocaine. At least in those last few years I don't think there was one single night that at the time of opening that first beer that I had any intention of smoking crack. Many nights before I opened that 1st beer you could have put me on a lie detector and I would have said I'm not smoking crack tonight and passed because I truly believed myself.
Then those high alcohol craft beers kick in and I become my twin brother. Its like I check out and give my car and checking account over to some moron for the next several hours.
I wasn't even driving reckless, you know how suburban cops get nosy late at night? I found myself in jail with a printout of tickets taller then me.
Felony pos of cocaine.
Pos of marijuana
DWI
Narcotics in a motor vehicle (they can suspend you for that too)
Careless or reckless driving i don't remember, because drunk and over the speed limit by a few mph
It gets ridiculous what charges they can dream up i don't even remember all of them.
My lawyer sent me to AA. A lot of things worked themselves out. Once I sat in the rooms and started reading the big book and the 12 & 12 with other alcoholics I started understanding myself and my condition a lot more. Not only had I imagined the impossible, a life without alcohol, but a weight had come off my shoulder as well. I got a sponsor that also liked to smoke crack and he took me through the 12 steps.
This is the time to go check out AA. You really dont want to figure this out in jail or a lawyer's office or divorce court or whatever other mess drinking and druggin can cause.
I’ve never once craved or done cocaine when sober, but once I get that hard buzz going, the craving is so strong... I get the blow in me it’s all over, and anything is possible... it’s scary how responsible and put together I am sober, compared to drunk and high. Complete 180.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by GoodLife32
Thank you Driguy.... Your journey gives me hope....I think that I am going to try AA as well... A main problem is that alcohol is such a big part of my life. Every social or family event I attend is usually centered around alcohol. I need to be around sober people
AA is at the other end of the "danger" spectrum. I have seen only one drunk show up an AA meeting one time. The AA environment is not what I expected. I expected a bunch of unshaven down and outers talking about how much they missed drinking. It's not like that at all. It's more like a supercharged celebration of sobriety, which can be very catchy and inspiring. Each group is different, although meeting formats are pretty standard. The point is that you need to change your environment, and a meeting of recovering alcoholics provides the safest cleanest environment possible. I'm not kidding. I loved Friday nights going to AA when the rest of the town was out there getting wasted. I was having more fun sober than I ever had drunk. Knowing that I could be happy without drinking - actually experiencing that - changed my perception, and served as a boilerplate for further goals.
I worked some of the steps rewording them to make sense to me. The rigidity of the program was not my cup of tea, but the fellowship was very helpful. There are a lot of personal stories and triumphs shared and useful tips to pick up on. Several times I approached the group with questions about how to handle some up coming event. I was surprised at how many people had useful answers for these questions. I don't go to AA anymore. It was just a thing I used to get over the hump, and then I hung out there for several years, because it was enjoyable.
At first you have to force changing your environment. Eventually, you're going to change it just by being sober, but at first it seems like this big effort and your first instinct will probably be to resist it. You are headed for a big change in your life, but it turns out to be a remarkably good change. You will have the opportunity to learn a lot, and you will make new friends. You will probably be surprised at how many people who are out in society that don't drink. I thought everyone did, except for a couple of old spinsters here or there. Not drinking probably seems kind of abnormal to you now; It is anything but that.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I am also a .binge drinker and have blackouts. I drink alone and never really sure what I was doing but have woken up in hospital or jail multiple times.. i also get that soul-crushing depression/ anxiety after a binge yet i still drink. I have no problem sobering up for a few weeks but can never stay stopped. Just got to keep trying
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
I have a lot in common with you my friend.....serious binges.....buzzed to black out in an instant and evil withdrawals hangover. I have been stuck in a 2-3 month relapse cycle for three year and this is the final big push to get it sorted for good.
Great that you are here. Keep posting xx
Great that you are here. Keep posting xx
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by DriGuy
The hard thing here is choosing not to attend dangerous social events, especially for the first 6 months. It can be more or less depending on the person. Some people have quit in the midst of such chaos. I could not. You would be well advised to avoid them, and there is general agreement about this among recovering alcoholics.
AA is at the other end of the "danger" spectrum. I have seen only one drunk show up an AA meeting one time. The AA environment is not what I expected. I expected a bunch of unshaven down and outers talking about how much they missed drinking. It's not like that at all. It's more like a supercharged celebration of sobriety, which can be very catchy and inspiring. Each group is different, although meeting formats are pretty standard. The point is that you need to change your environment, and a meeting of recovering alcoholics provides the safest cleanest environment possible. I'm not kidding. I loved Friday nights going to AA when the rest of the town was out there getting wasted. I was having more fun sober than I ever had drunk. Knowing that I could be happy without drinking - actually experiencing that - changed my perception, and served as a boilerplate for further goals.
I worked some of the steps rewording them to make sense to me. The rigidity of the program was not my cup of tea, but the fellowship was very helpful. There are a lot of personal stories and triumphs shared and useful tips to pick up on. Several times I approached the group with questions about how to handle some up coming event. I was surprised at how many people had useful answers for these questions. I don't go to AA anymore. It was just a thing I used to get over the hump, and then I hung out there for several years, because it was enjoyable.
At first you have to force changing your environment. Eventually, you're going to change it just by being sober, but at first it seems like this big effort and your first instinct will probably be to resist it. You are headed for a big change in your life, but it turns out to be a remarkably good change. You will have the opportunity to learn a lot, and you will make new friends. You will probably be surprised at how many people who are out in society that don't drink. I thought everyone did, except for a couple of old spinsters here or there. Not drinking probably seems kind of abnormal to you now; It is anything but that.
AA is at the other end of the "danger" spectrum. I have seen only one drunk show up an AA meeting one time. The AA environment is not what I expected. I expected a bunch of unshaven down and outers talking about how much they missed drinking. It's not like that at all. It's more like a supercharged celebration of sobriety, which can be very catchy and inspiring. Each group is different, although meeting formats are pretty standard. The point is that you need to change your environment, and a meeting of recovering alcoholics provides the safest cleanest environment possible. I'm not kidding. I loved Friday nights going to AA when the rest of the town was out there getting wasted. I was having more fun sober than I ever had drunk. Knowing that I could be happy without drinking - actually experiencing that - changed my perception, and served as a boilerplate for further goals.
I worked some of the steps rewording them to make sense to me. The rigidity of the program was not my cup of tea, but the fellowship was very helpful. There are a lot of personal stories and triumphs shared and useful tips to pick up on. Several times I approached the group with questions about how to handle some up coming event. I was surprised at how many people had useful answers for these questions. I don't go to AA anymore. It was just a thing I used to get over the hump, and then I hung out there for several years, because it was enjoyable.
At first you have to force changing your environment. Eventually, you're going to change it just by being sober, but at first it seems like this big effort and your first instinct will probably be to resist it. You are headed for a big change in your life, but it turns out to be a remarkably good change. You will have the opportunity to learn a lot, and you will make new friends. You will probably be surprised at how many people who are out in society that don't drink. I thought everyone did, except for a couple of old spinsters here or there. Not drinking probably seems kind of abnormal to you now; It is anything but that.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Wastinglife
I am also a .binge drinker and have blackouts. I drink alone and never really sure what I was doing but have woken up in hospital or jail multiple times.. i also get that soul-crushing depression/ anxiety after a binge yet i still drink. I have no problem sobering up for a few weeks but can never stay stopped. Just got to keep trying
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