Livinchi

Hello, this is my first time joining a support group. I just really admitted I have a problem only a few days ago. I have been an addict with daily alcohol and marijuana use for over 15 years. I thought it was ok because I could keep some level of balance. Over the past several months my alcohol use has gotten worse and worse. I started drinking more and more, trying to "hide" it from my wife which is silly to think I was hiding anything because I would get so wasted by nighttime I could not remember what stupid things I said the next day, and the empty beer boxes or bottles shows what I am capable of drinking now and it can't be good for my body. I feel crappy a lot of the time and I am not as productive as I should be. I don't want to drink and smoke every day, but its hard for me to stop and I somehow give in. I did quit smoking cigarettes a few years ago. I know I can do it, I just don't trust myself to.

So I am finally admitting I have a problem, and reaching out for some help and community with other addicts like myself. I am proud to say I have 4 days without alcohol currently. But 0 days without smoking marijuana. I tried to stop smoking today and that did not last long and made me pretty disappointed in myself. I know if the alcohol comes back the chance of me having 1 drink and not getting really drunk is very slim. I wish I could say that I have 4 days sober but I know that I don't with smoking. Maybe tomorrow can be day 1.

Orchid1

Congratulations on your 4 days!!! You have not had a drink and you should be proud of that, addiction has a way of tricking us into falling back in the trap and you may want to dive deep into why you think you have not truly been sober and where that thought process will lead. Welcome here! You will find great support from people who understand what you are going through! Glad to have you here!!!

biminiblue

I think if you read around in the Marijuana forum you'll find that it is just as bad as alcohol, psychologically. It also has a lot of health drawbacks as I'm sure you already know.

I hope you'll decide to quit them both. Rip off that bandaid and be done with it, yeah?

Welcome to the forums.

LumenandNyx

Hi,

Becoming a non drinker and a non smoker requires that a person enter into a certain mindset. And stay there.

You can either sing and dance around the subject of quitting these things, attempting and failing and attempting again - or you can turn your back on them both entirely and face life without them. Start a new chapter. Your future is yours to outline. What do you want it to look like?

Anna

Welcome and congratulations on your decision and on 4 days of sobriety.

As you have seen, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will continue to get worse as long as we continue to drink. You've made a great choice and you will find lots of support in this community.

Sober45

I was like you. Wine, weed and cigarettes was my thing. I switched from cigs to nicorette and changed to medical cannabis a few years ago. I quit drinking FOREVER on Jan 2 this year. My drinking had become so bad it was affecting me both mentally and physically. I’m waiting until 2021 before I tackle the nicotine. Then I’ll start questioning the weed.

I think it’s better if you can drop it all at once but if you can’t pick something and stick with it would be my suggestion. Either way, make a plan and stay close

you can do this!

Hevyn

Great to meet you, Livinchi. I'm so glad you've made this big decision. It helps to be here with those who understand exactly what you're going through. I had felt all alone until finding SR.

It took me years to acknowledge that there would never be one drink for me. I wasted so much time insisting I could use willpower to control myself. It never worked. Once alcohol was in my system there was no telling what might happen. I'm so thankful to have lived through a dangerous time. Congratulations on your 4 days alcohol free.

least

Welcome to the family. Four days sober is great, tomorrow work on day one from weed. You'll find lots of support and wisdom here.

Dee74

welcome Livinchi

I drank and smoked pot for nearly 30 years one or the other. Just the other day I celebrated 13 and a half years sober from both, so it is possible,

I had to change a lot of things - but I wouldn't swap the life I have now for the one I had then

Support really helps and you'll find a ton of that here

D

tursiops999

Welcome Livinchi. Well done on your four days. We understand what you're going through -- there's a lot of support here. I'm so much better off in my life without alcohol and other drugs -- more than five years now and much happier to be free of it all. Keep posting, we're here to help.

Livinchi

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome and words of encouragement. I already feel a new sense of hope and being understood, just by having admitted I have a drug and alcohol problem and being embraced instead of judged. Thank you for that. Getting to see and feel that there are other people out there who understand what it is like to be addicted, break those chains, and experience a sober life reminds me that I can do it to, and it is totally something worth doing.

I have 5 days without alcohol now and I am now working on that day 1 no weed and totally sober. It is strange how marijuana is not supposed to be physically addictive but mentally I cannot get it out of my head, and it feels like there are magnets inside me pulling me to do it! The addict inside me tells me since I am not drinking I have totally earned doing anything else that I want. I realize quitting alcohol is more important because it is more harmful, so keeping the weed would still be a step in the right direction, but wouldn't be where I want to ultimately end up which is being free from addiction. I realized the past few days while smoking weed and not drinking that I felt extra high from the weed, like maybe alcohol has been toning that down because I am used to having both in my system. Even now I have nothing in my system but I feel a little light headed and loopy. I wonder if it is like a phantom high because that's usually how I would be now? At this point being sober is the "new strange feeling" not the substances! I have spent nearly 0 time at home sober for so long, I would only sober up on trips that I could not bring weed, but would find some drinks to get me by.

So now I know my test is going to be handling life sober, and not giving into my triggers. This is what I could use some advice on now - how to get back to regular life and handle it all while sober. For the past 5 days I have been focusing a lot of my time and energy on learning about addiction, reading and listening to testimonies. I have kind of avoided my regular responsibilities with business and life to avoid stresses and triggers. When something is stressful or goes wrong I smoke and I drink, so I am kind of hiding in fear of some of those feelings or situations that could cause me to stumble. Unfortunately, to pay the bills and do what I need to do in life I cannot hide for long! Have any of you experienced that? Not just physical withdrawals but withdrawal from parts of life that may seem hard to handle sober? I know I can do a better job sober, and I will handle tough situation quicker with clarity by not self-medicating every time something hard happens and dealing with it after. Whatever I was covering with alcohol and drugs like my anxiety, hyperactive mind, high expectations, is going to come hit me full force. I gotta keep my legs under me.

biminiblue

Only every addict ever.

Yeah, it's pretty intense for a while dealing with newly found emotions. I had a roller coaster in my head for at least two weeks...but it's so worth it.

Speedy brain slows down to the pace of the planet, as designed. That takes a bit of time (months,) but it will happen. I mean, all humans have anxiety and that's what causes the speedy hyperactive mind, but it doesn't stay that way 24/7. It ebbs and flows, like all of Nature.

Keep posting and keep reading and it will all come together.

Anna

I can tell you what worked for me. I needed to avoid some things from my old life, including a couple of toxic people. I stayed away from places with alcohol, until I felt confident that it wouldn't bother me. For me, that was about 10 months. I picked up a couple of old hobbies that I had lost interest in while I was drinking and I got into a regular exercise program. If you feel a situation might trigger you, plan so that you have a way to leave or have a friend with you who will be supportive.

You can do this and congratulations on 5 days.

Gabe1980

Congratulations on making the decision to quit because you recognise you have a problem. That in itself is an achievement and the best place to start. It will take some work, but you will get there. There is a ton of helpful information and advice here, just look around xx

Livinchi

I am really having a hard time not smoking weed. I feel I might be having physical withdrawals and certainly mental frustration. I am all torn up about being 100% sober or not sober at all, trying to figure out for myself if I can quit weed and alcohol at once right now or if I would be better to just focus on the more harmful alcohol addiction and allow myself to smoke weed. On one hand, smoking weed could help me get through these early stages of alcohol recovery right? On the other, continuing addictive behavior and not experiencing total sobriety could make it so I do not heal all the way and go back to drinking again? I might not ever heal all the way again. I looked up online about "Cali-Sober" (smoking but not drinking) and trying to convince myself that is ok for me.

Part of me is putting this out there hoping I can get the "green light" to go smoke from you all, because I know it is better for me to smoke weed then relapse back to alcohol. I just don't want to get half results with half effort by only working on half of my addiction.

I am having a hard time, my wife said it is ok to smoke since I am quitting drinking and I am being too hard on myself. I feel like I am 1 minute away from smoking at all times today. My AV keeps deciding I am about to go do it, that way I feel better and I still have not drank. I know when I give in I am going to feel disappointing in myself and angry at my lack of control.

biminiblue

Well, this is a sobriety forum. No one is going to say, "Sure, smoking is fine."

Did you go to the marijuana subforum here and read the threads?

I think it would be better to quit them both, the same escapism and hiding from emotions happens with both. You're "checking out of life" with both. Yeah, alcohol is more dangerous to withdraw from, and it also will likely cause you more problems in the long run - but a lot of the same psychological effects happen with pot. It's a psychoactive drug and you're using it to get high and escape.

Is your wife a drinker and toker, too?

If you feel you need help quitting alcohol then go to your doctor and get a few days' prescription. Alcohol withdrawal is only dangerous for a few days, then the rest is psychological.

Dee74

The fact that not smoking is causing you so much mental upheaval and physical distress surely suggests that it’s a real problem for you?

For me pot was a way more insidious addiction.

At least with alcohol I currently see the negatives plainly and easily but, at the time and for quite a while after, it was harder to see them with pot, even tho I had exactly the same obsession with getting wasted, finding escape, and avoiding my responsibilities.

so, yeah no green light here - sorry.

I destroyed my life as completely on pot as I had with alcohol later.
The self destruction was me.

They call it recovery for a reason.

The first step was putting down the things - all the things - making me sick.

I got better....you can too

D

Sober45

You could put down the alcohol and set a date to re-evaluate weed. The most important thing in my mind is making a decision that you can stick with.

Weed is very controversial and I realize most people may not agree. But in my case, I don’t respond to medications. Like SSRIs for example, they don’t work for me.

Where I live, cannabis is becoming widely recognized for its medicinal benefits. It’s prescribed to me like any other medication. Would exploring that avenue be possible?

Dee74

The OP has stated their intent- they want to give up both weed and alcohol..
I think we should respect that, and encourage it - we are a recovery site after all..


For me as long as I was still using one drug of choice the other was never far behind.
D

Livinchi

Today was hard, but now all I have to do is go to bed sober and wake up then I get 1 Day sober! Checking in with you all here and reading the posts today really helped me get through. I am hoping tomorrow is easier, but I am still ready to fight through no matter what.

Biminiblue - Ahoy and thank you for the good points and reminders, I did go over to the marijuana addiction thread and spend a lot of time today. That was good to show the seriousness of the smoking addiction for me as well as alcohol. My wife does not drink or smoke anymore, I am especially thankful for that now - and she is very supportive. She doesn't want to see me hurting or failing so I think that is why she thought I might be too aggressive tackling both addictions at once.

Sober45 - Congratulations on your recent 8 month anniversary without alcohol! Way to go. I appreciate your perspective, and I agree that for some conditions and illness marijuana is a healthier and safer alternative than many other prescription drugs. At this point for me it is evident the smoking is no longer serving me, I am serving it. I cannot even try to justify it with chronic pain or glaucoma. I got high because... well because that's just what I did from when I woke up until I went to bed. I totally relate to your method of eliminating one at a time. I have done that before - when I quit cigs I filled up a Marlboro pack with joints and smoked them to get me through. So I leaned heavier on one addiction to overcome another. Certainly not the healthiest or best method but something that works is certainly better than something that doesn't. And part of something is better than all of nothing.

Dee - You sure are right about the weed being insidious. I read in the marijuana forum somebody said that their alcohol addiction was like a 40 car pile up but the mj addiction was more like driving with a flat tire and the check engine and warning lights all on. You cannot travel well in either condition - but one is much more dramatic and obvious in the problem. For supposedly not being physically addictive Mary Jane sure is controlling! Also, I have been reading around the forums a lot, I just want to thank you and commend you on your commitment to helping so many like us.