Feel like drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 86
Feel like drinking
I have been unemployed now for almost 6 months due to COVID and hopefully I will be called back to work. My teenaged children are doing remote schooling upstairs as I am downstairs pondering...to start drinking right now to alleviate this feeling of hopelessness.
The last few days a huge wave of depression, regret, shame, and feelings of inadequacies came crashing down on me. My daughter said to me the other day that maybe I have forgotten the things I have done/said to her and her siblings while I was drunk, but she remembers it all. She said she loves the sober mom, but can’t stand the drunk mom. She is 18 now and will be going to college next year already. I feel that I have traumatized my children. They are such good people and I love them to death. I just don’t know why I keep going back to drinking. It is not as bad as before, but even if I take a sip of alcohol, my children immediately know.
I can’t seem to grasp the idea that I cannot drink not at all!!! But I am an alcoholic and I know that but yet I continue to try and to convince myself that maybe I can just moderate.
The last few days a huge wave of depression, regret, shame, and feelings of inadequacies came crashing down on me. My daughter said to me the other day that maybe I have forgotten the things I have done/said to her and her siblings while I was drunk, but she remembers it all. She said she loves the sober mom, but can’t stand the drunk mom. She is 18 now and will be going to college next year already. I feel that I have traumatized my children. They are such good people and I love them to death. I just don’t know why I keep going back to drinking. It is not as bad as before, but even if I take a sip of alcohol, my children immediately know.
I can’t seem to grasp the idea that I cannot drink not at all!!! But I am an alcoholic and I know that but yet I continue to try and to convince myself that maybe I can just moderate.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Be the sober mom your kids love. I know it's horrible to hear that your daughter hated the drunk mom. She doesn't really mean she hated YOU - she hated who you became when you drank. There's a big difference there. She may not know how to put that into words. If you want to be free of that guilt and shame, you have to stop drinking and start healing your family. Trust me on this - it is 100% possible and very very likely that in time, all will be forgiven. The fact that your kids know immediately if you drink tells me they care very deeply about you.
Can you get some support to help you stay stopped? AA or some other method? I know a lot of people have used this forum as their only support, but perhaps you'd benefit from more than that.
It's great that you came here and told on yourself before you drank. Just remember that drinking will only make this whole situation much worse. What can you do right now to get your mind in a different place? Go for a walk? Read some sobriety literature? Do a craft or something else that requires concentration?
Can you get some support to help you stay stopped? AA or some other method? I know a lot of people have used this forum as their only support, but perhaps you'd benefit from more than that.
It's great that you came here and told on yourself before you drank. Just remember that drinking will only make this whole situation much worse. What can you do right now to get your mind in a different place? Go for a walk? Read some sobriety literature? Do a craft or something else that requires concentration?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Cravings pass. Sit with the craving. Thoughts do not have to turn into actions. They are just thoughts and thoughts of drinking are common for alcoholics. What determines success is our actions. Eat something delicious, or go take a quick walk. Stay present in this life. You deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by Chung 
I have been unemployed now for almost 6 months ... I am downstairs pondering...to start drinking right now to alleviate this feeling of hopelessness.
She said she loves the sober mom, but can’t stand the drunk mom. ... I feel that I have traumatized my children. ... even if I take a sip of alcohol, my children immediately know.
I can’t seem to grasp the idea that I cannot drink not at all!!! But I am an alcoholic and I know that but yet I continue to try and to convince myself that maybe I can just moderate.
She said she loves the sober mom, but can’t stand the drunk mom. ... I feel that I have traumatized my children. ... even if I take a sip of alcohol, my children immediately know.
I can’t seem to grasp the idea that I cannot drink not at all!!! But I am an alcoholic and I know that but yet I continue to try and to convince myself that maybe I can just moderate.
You'll stop when you're ready, but not before. The amount of time you do the song and dance around quitting permanently is up to you. You can get off the merry-go-round today, or you can continue getting on and off of it for - - - - - - - - however long you want. Until you're finally have to get off by crawling. That's what it'll come to. It always does.
I'm sure your children are devastated. I know exactly how they feel and I know exactly how my kids felt about me and my drinking. Alcoholism runs in my family on both sides and I carried that sh1t to home base.
I think a lot of folks believe that not drinking is all there is to it. I disagree - to an extent. Not drinking is half the equation. The other half is becoming a non-drinker. Without reservation, you have to be able to look yourself in the face and say "I don't drink."
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Denial is a big part of alcoholism and your mind will try all kinds of ways to convince you that things are not that bad. But, you know that you need to stop drinking and that's why you're here seeking support. You can change and become the Mom you want to be, the Mom your kids deserve. I hope you're ready to make the choice to live a sober life.
Stay sober to be the best mom and person you can be. 
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
"..she loves the sober mom"
Give yourself the opportunity to feel the opposite of all the things in your AV's list, quit for good and grant your children the things they love, you got this!
Give yourself the opportunity to feel the opposite of all the things in your AV's list, quit for good and grant your children the things they love, you got this!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Once the cat is out of the bag there is no putting it back.
If you had some serious alcohol related problems leading to this latest clean time, you will not be able to drink again unless you are ready to face the shame shame shame. Depending on how bad it was, folks that were impacted will have intolerance.
We can never drink again or face shame. Our drinking privileges are revoked. We can choose to drink, but we will face shame shame shame.
There was a time that I didn't like to do what was right, but that stopped around the age of 17. I was a very good boy, minus my drinking shenanigans.
Never drink booze again. It is poison.
1 unit of booze will get the average person euphoric for about 20 minutes.
Addicts like me handle this by drinking about 3 units per drink (4 to 5 oz.) and we have about 5 drinks. This gets us good and drunk for a few hours. Of course there is hell to pay on the backside. I got to the point where I didn't feel normal unless I was drunk.
We were not born addicted to booze. It is a learned problem.
Suffering and time.
Thanks.
If you had some serious alcohol related problems leading to this latest clean time, you will not be able to drink again unless you are ready to face the shame shame shame. Depending on how bad it was, folks that were impacted will have intolerance.
We can never drink again or face shame. Our drinking privileges are revoked. We can choose to drink, but we will face shame shame shame.
There was a time that I didn't like to do what was right, but that stopped around the age of 17. I was a very good boy, minus my drinking shenanigans.
Never drink booze again. It is poison.
1 unit of booze will get the average person euphoric for about 20 minutes.
Addicts like me handle this by drinking about 3 units per drink (4 to 5 oz.) and we have about 5 drinks. This gets us good and drunk for a few hours. Of course there is hell to pay on the backside. I got to the point where I didn't feel normal unless I was drunk.
We were not born addicted to booze. It is a learned problem.
Suffering and time.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
It won’t be worth it. Even one sip could push you into full blown active addiction, and it could get out of control where it’s even harder to stop. It can happen faster than you realize what is actually happening. Do you want to be in it’s clutches? You might think you can moderate it, but is it really worth taking that risk? I know you probably know this, but it’s worth it to remember how quickly one drink can escalate into something much worse.
You’re not alone with some of these negative feelings during the Pandemic. I know a lot of people are struggling right now. I myself have been.
You’ve gotta fight it. You’ve gotta fight for your life. Keep posting. Seek support and talk about it. Stay safe.
You’re not alone with some of these negative feelings during the Pandemic. I know a lot of people are struggling right now. I myself have been.
You’ve gotta fight it. You’ve gotta fight for your life. Keep posting. Seek support and talk about it. Stay safe.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 75
I sincerely hope you chose not to drink, please post. I have been where you are. The feelings can be so overwhelming and convincing that even our “Mother Bear” instincts take a back seat. If you did choose to drink, please post. We get it and want to support. I have been where you’re going.
Hugs.
Hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 86
Unfortunately I drank last night. Two shots of vodka. I have no excuses, none whatsoever. I just wanted to.
Thank you guys for all the support and sound advice. I will keep trying and trying until something actually sticks with me for good.
Thank you guys for all the support and sound advice. I will keep trying and trying until something actually sticks with me for good.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Hi Chung,
When you read freedomfries signature sentence, “I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.” it probably provoked a bunch of thoughts and feelings in yourself.
In the method of recovery I think freedomfries is using (and I have used as well), in order to make that profound pledge, it is important to mull it over for a while.
And the best way I know of to mull it over is to polarize your thoughts and feelings about that pledge and about drinking some more into four categories, pro and con the pledge, and pro and con drinking some more, and sort them into two entities.
You will notice that anything positive in the PRO PLEDGE category is also positive in the CON DRINKING category. Since, of all living organisms, it is only an adult human brain that can make that pledge, you know that set of thoughts and feelings is coming from the authentic YOU, who can exercise her will to make such a pledge (as many, many millions of people have done including me and freedomfries).
So, what do you do with thoughts and feelings in the CON PLEDGE category and the PRO DRINKING category? Well, the simplest thing is to just lump them all together, isolate them into a very specific, internal habituated appetite seeking pleasure from alcohol, and give it a logical name - the Addictive Voice, coming from the Beast of Booze.
For me, this clarifies immensely what used to be the agonizing ambivalence I couldn’t seem to get a grip on, to drink or not to drink.
Well, this technique of polarizing all my thoughts and feelings about the pledge or drinking some more into either ME or my AV led me to recognize something new. I was experiencing real grief over knowing I would never again feel the pleasurable experience I was so used to from getting drunk. And what was NEW was that I was able to dissociate from that grief and realize I was actually in the process of KILLING OFF what I had all along thought was a secret and dear part of ME. “I Deserve To Drink; I just have to use all my wits to keep the negative consequences down.”
NO MORE. I do NOT deserve to drink. It is NOT a payoff for being such a good parent, spouse, or whatever IT is trying to say to me to justify drinking some more. “I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.” (Totally possible!)
Yes, if you begin the separation process within yourself from that Beast of Booze and ITS Addictive Voice, it will be much easier to manage “WOW, I am NEVER going to experience that feeling from getting drunk ever again. NEVER again.”
This method is called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (by Rational Recovery) and it can be a real JOLT at first, but it not only ends an addiction, it also ends recovery pretty quickly and frees up your life from the struggles of taking a more short-sighted view of recovery.
Along with that JOLT to your AV, there is also something called the ACE of recovery. ACE stands for the Abstinence Commitment Effect. You KNOW you have the capacity to pledge “I will never drink again.” and by God, (or not by God) I am going to do it NOW. Once done, (along with your AV telling you, “you are lying to yourself”) you may feel an incredible new joy over what just happened, like the sun bursting through a cloudy decade. That joy is real, that is the joy felt by many of the many millions who have done it. I have learned to recall that joy within me at will.
GT
PS: FF, remembering the regret is real, and useful in the beginning with AVRT, but as time passed, I forgot the regrets faster than I forgot the old life of repeated pleasures from drunkenness. What kept me from needing to keep balancing the regrets against the lost pleasure was the simple fact: “OH, I took the pledge knowing that it didn’t matter what happened in my future, I was just never going to drink again. AND, that means I don’t even have to remember WHY I quit, just that I DID quit for good.” Done and over with.
When you read freedomfries signature sentence, “I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.” it probably provoked a bunch of thoughts and feelings in yourself.
In the method of recovery I think freedomfries is using (and I have used as well), in order to make that profound pledge, it is important to mull it over for a while.
And the best way I know of to mull it over is to polarize your thoughts and feelings about that pledge and about drinking some more into four categories, pro and con the pledge, and pro and con drinking some more, and sort them into two entities.
You will notice that anything positive in the PRO PLEDGE category is also positive in the CON DRINKING category. Since, of all living organisms, it is only an adult human brain that can make that pledge, you know that set of thoughts and feelings is coming from the authentic YOU, who can exercise her will to make such a pledge (as many, many millions of people have done including me and freedomfries).
So, what do you do with thoughts and feelings in the CON PLEDGE category and the PRO DRINKING category? Well, the simplest thing is to just lump them all together, isolate them into a very specific, internal habituated appetite seeking pleasure from alcohol, and give it a logical name - the Addictive Voice, coming from the Beast of Booze.
For me, this clarifies immensely what used to be the agonizing ambivalence I couldn’t seem to get a grip on, to drink or not to drink.
Well, this technique of polarizing all my thoughts and feelings about the pledge or drinking some more into either ME or my AV led me to recognize something new. I was experiencing real grief over knowing I would never again feel the pleasurable experience I was so used to from getting drunk. And what was NEW was that I was able to dissociate from that grief and realize I was actually in the process of KILLING OFF what I had all along thought was a secret and dear part of ME. “I Deserve To Drink; I just have to use all my wits to keep the negative consequences down.”
NO MORE. I do NOT deserve to drink. It is NOT a payoff for being such a good parent, spouse, or whatever IT is trying to say to me to justify drinking some more. “I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.” (Totally possible!)
Yes, if you begin the separation process within yourself from that Beast of Booze and ITS Addictive Voice, it will be much easier to manage “WOW, I am NEVER going to experience that feeling from getting drunk ever again. NEVER again.”
This method is called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (by Rational Recovery) and it can be a real JOLT at first, but it not only ends an addiction, it also ends recovery pretty quickly and frees up your life from the struggles of taking a more short-sighted view of recovery.
Along with that JOLT to your AV, there is also something called the ACE of recovery. ACE stands for the Abstinence Commitment Effect. You KNOW you have the capacity to pledge “I will never drink again.” and by God, (or not by God) I am going to do it NOW. Once done, (along with your AV telling you, “you are lying to yourself”) you may feel an incredible new joy over what just happened, like the sun bursting through a cloudy decade. That joy is real, that is the joy felt by many of the many millions who have done it. I have learned to recall that joy within me at will.
GT
PS: FF, remembering the regret is real, and useful in the beginning with AVRT, but as time passed, I forgot the regrets faster than I forgot the old life of repeated pleasures from drunkenness. What kept me from needing to keep balancing the regrets against the lost pleasure was the simple fact: “OH, I took the pledge knowing that it didn’t matter what happened in my future, I was just never going to drink again. AND, that means I don’t even have to remember WHY I quit, just that I DID quit for good.” Done and over with.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
It is hard when people say what your daughter said. Unfortunately they are right. I think time can heal but you will have to put together some serious sobriety. In my recent "Max has 3 months" post I put my thoughts on moderation. Basically, you have to get pissed at alcohol for what it has done to you and not want anything to do with it. Moderation is BS as booze is poison and even more so for us. Keep trying and posting!
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