spunout

As a little background, I'm in a transitional housing program. We (3 people) had to move to a house in a different town, since the house leader went on vacation. As mentioned in my other threads, I really dislike it here, and was looking forward to going back to the other house. There was less stress, and more freedom.

Today I learned that one of the three of us went back to the other house. I'm a bit pissed off, since I was really looking forward to going back as well. I'm sick of sharing a room with a guy that has dementia, and the house leaders here suck. The only reason the other guy hasn't gone back as well is because he wants to transfer here because of the commute from the job he recently got.

The house leader was completely wishy-washy in his answer when I asked him why only one of us was going back, and just kept telling me it's "confidential", and that he "shouldn't have told me" and didn't want to get in trouble because he told us before the fact. My question is should I ask the house facilitator why I haven't gone back as well?

Erica375

What would it hurt you to ask? In general I go with the idea that "it never hurts to ask," but are you afraid of repercussions? Why not ask?

Surrendered19

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking the house facilitator questions about your situation. They're not going to give you ANY information about what is going on with any of your housemates, or at least they shouldn't. I hope your situation gets worked out soon.

spunout

I'm afraid he'll say no. That he'll dash my hopes, and use God as an excuse.

I meant it for that he kept saying it for my own situation. Also, thanks.

Anna

I'm sorry, Spunout, I know how much you wanted to go back there. I hope you get some answers.

least

If it were me, I'd ask. Were you promised to go back? If so, I'd want to know why you didn't go back when the other guy did.

Erica375

Spunout, I'm afraid of "no," too. Have been since early childhood. I thought "no" meant, "You should not have asked. You are a bad person because you asked for something." I'm learning, slowly, that that just is not true.

I am also learning, slowly, that I have to be my own advocate. Nobody else is going to care about my situation as much as I do. I sincerely hope you are able to speak up for yourself, but if you're not able to at this point, I understand. It's something I have to work on, too.

spunout

I wouldn't say promised. I was told the arrangement was temporary, in terms of staying here. I have a feeling he's going to use the "will of God" as an excuse. Which pisses me off since it was my choice to get away from here so I can get a fresh start. I lived in this city for 17 years already, and grew up here. I told the people who introduced me to the program that's what I wanted.

Surrendered19

The "will of God" is not a helpful answer to any question. Make sure you ask very specific questions and wait for specific answers. Yes or no questions are best. Usually specific questions about who, what, were, when and why are not susceptible to answers concerning the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, God or any other mystical force. If you ask why you cannot move back to the housing of your choice, make sure to get an answer from a decision maker. One that is on this earth with us and that you can see and hear.

gypsytears

Can’t you ask the leader of the house you want to go back to directly?

LumenandNyx

Why ask anyone anything at this point? How about if you just don't live in either house? Is that an option? Can you live in a different sober-living house altogether? Move somewhere new?

Dee74

You're obviously not happy at all where you are - I can't think of any reason why you shouldn't ask the Facilitator whats going on.
sorry but I can't understand that reasoning - especially when you've been so vocal here about how unhappy you are.

Its like not asking someone to take their foot off your neck just in case they say no....

you're in a sober house, not prison right?.

If for some reason you can't move back to the other house, I'd want to know that so that I could look for another sober house immediately, if not sooner..

D

Steely

Will your asking get the house leader "in trouble" spunout? Will asking make it known that he told you "before the act"? If so, it might make things difficult. Idk.

If not, just ask. Nothing worse than not 'knowing'. And you've got every right to know.

Youre doing great spunout.

iAmSam

It seems the house manager guy stuck his foot in it when he let you know about the other people going back to the other house.
That's not your problem unless by helping him not to get in potential trouble actually helps you in the long run. ? Mmmm..

I'm the type that sits on a problem or discussion with another till the time is right. Sometimes that might take
weeks (teenage daughter... moods :-D) and sometimes I just let it go because the fallout isn't worth it or I found a better way to approach.

Annnnnd- as much as I don't like to give advice, I'm gonna on something else - this guy who constantly is talking about God and/or citing religion should really be spoken to directly about that by his supervisor.
As much as a God fearing woman that I am, I don't use my beliefs as fodder for arguments or directives.
It's a really bad way to communicate with others and is often isolating and causes division oftentimes. A person can learn how to not bring religion into conversations but it takes someone to let them know that they suck at talking. My brother is someone who does that and I have no problem saying "God has nothing to do with this discussion. Can you just address this?" He often can't but I at least say something which helps me to not spontaneously combust by holding stuff in.

I hope you manage to get out of that house soon. It sounds like a pretty toxic environment and I also don't think it's your responsibility to be taking on a dementia roommate. Would seem you have enough on your plate without the added stress of that.

biminiblue

I just wanted to stop in and say hi.

You have a good grasp of the situation and I know you will find a way to change your current living conditions, even if it's just asking for a different room in the current house for now. Seems like there is an opening now that the one left?

spunout

It's not that I don't believe in God. It's that I don't like people over-stepping their boundaries, and using His authority as an excuse. There's no need to be demeaning to people who don't hold the same beliefs you do. Such as myself.

You mean the facilitator. I was afraid to, as mentioned above.

The city that I'm in is rather small, and there isn't another option. I'll explain how it is no longer an issue below. Thank you for the suggestion, however.

I understand where you're coming from, Dee. Although it's no longer an issue (I'll explain below all the replies), I was afraid the answer was going to be no, with the reasoning I mentioned above.

Yes, it would have. He told me after he mentioned it that I wasn't supposed to know. I just let the answer come to me. I'll explain below all of my replies. Thank you.

I agree, completely. Thank you for having sympathy through the frustrating situation that I am going through.

There wasn't, because the room was shared. It's alright, through.

Thank you for all the great responses! I ended up not asking, and instead decided to let the answer come to me. I got my answer yesterday. I'm going back! It is a great relief, knowing that my being here isn't permanent, and that I'll be able to go back to the place where I chose to be. As well as a break from the added stress of having to live with so many aggravating individuals under the same roof. I get aggravating roommates, but this took it to a whole new level. Again, thank you for all the responses. As well as letting me complain, without the fear of being judged. I'm really glad that I found this community.

Dee74

I'm glad you're going back

D

NONIA

I would go somewhere else

gypsytears

I’m glad you got an answer and the answer is a good one. Woot! Hang in there. Better days ahead!

Anna

Fantastic news. I'm so glad you're going back to the house you want.