RAB12345

I never thought of it that way.

WaterOx

It took me a long time but I finally realized that all that glitters is not gold.
Anyone can post anything on the internet (or in real life) that they want. You never know what's going on behind the scenes.

LumenandNyx

Hello,

I don't have time to read your entire thread so I'm not sure if someone already mentioned this, but is the psychiatrist you're seeing able to relate to you and to addiction?

I'm asking if your doctor is in recovery. You have a right to know either way.

RAB12345

I actually don't know because I have not seen him yet. I doubt he is in recovery. The only doctor I know is in recovery is not accepting new patients at this time.

nez

I wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying about it. While it could potentially be a bonus if he is in recovery, it is not necessary. Nor would it be a guarantee that he would be better than a psychiatrist who hasn't ever had an addiction problem.

50 days I was in a motorcycle accident and was life-flighted to a trauma center. It was not a priority of mine at the time if the surgeon had ever been in a motorcycle accident and/or broken bones.

Delilah1

I think sometimes people try to focus on the good things they are experiencing in sobriety, it doesn't mean they aren't feeling some of the very same struggles and anxieties that you are.

You should feel good about those 100 days, you worked hard to get them. I have always had anxiety, and I used to think drinking made it better, but truthfully all it did was postpone the feelings, and I kept postponing them for a long time. I have had to learn how to handle anxiety and the curveballs that life throws sober, and it hasn't been easy, but learning to feel emotions was a big part of this. Sometimes that means crying, sometimes it means taking a walk to calm down if I am upset or angry, sometimes it means some deep breathing and mindfulness, and sometimes it means I need some chocolate.

You are doing all the right things, you are sober, you are working with doctors to figure out medication. If you aren't already, try adding some exercise (outdoors if you can, the nature thing helps) and also some mindfulness activities.

Two other things that I have found crucial to my sobriety and sanity are humor and gratitude. Laughter can make a stressful situation a little easier, and can lift your spirits. Gratitude is another one that is really important to me, no matter how bad the day is I always find something to be grateful for, even if it is just "I am grateful I made it through today."

Be123

Thanks for your honesty Rab, I've got a feeling this thread will help people more than you know.

SereneEdition

Congrats on making it this far.

Everyone’s experience is unique.

For me, I used alcohol to numb my feelings, and once I stopped, I was uncomfortable for a good while. Next came the brain fog, and I thought that I had permanent brain damage (not true). Years of self inflicted damage took a long time to come back from. I don’t volunteer that info because I don’t want to discourage anyone that this is a process that takes time.

Despite those challenges, I was proud of my ability to finally be sober after years of trying and failing. It was honest hard work, It felt good to no longer be living a lie, even if the days were hard. Eventually these challenges helped me stay sober - I never wanted to go through early sobriety again. It was tough!

I recommend finding something positive about each day to recall as you turn in, even if it is just that you stayed sober.

I was able to find my own peace and happiness in sobriety and I hope you do to. It is worth it.

Zevin

YES to what Be123 said. This is a very thought provoking topic. Thanks for starting it, RAB.
And many kudos on 100 days of being sober!
Getting sober, for me, wasn’t a huge sudden GREAT life changing event at first. It’s the little things that start to add up. Being TRULY mentally present for my loved ones in times of joy or crisis is one thing I appreciate now.
I didn’t realize what a BURDEN my alcoholism was to my family and friends, the exhaustion of trying to cover my tracks etc. etc.
Give yourself more time to appreciate what you’ve accomplished by staying sober!
My anxiety and panic attacks disappeared after about 4 months of sobriety. Hopefully, you too will feel better soon.

Zevin

And YES to everything Serene said.

prettiekittie

Can confirm that early recovery can be a really rough process. I'm starting to do a lot of deep trauma work in therapy because I can actually access it now and feel safe and stable enough to do so and it ******* blows. I don't have finger nails anymore because I have chewed them clear off and while I was doing "ok" without antidepressants, I went back on and they really help. Some things feel better (like not waking up and feeling like I'm going to puke, not feeling inflamed constantly) and some things feel worse (brain fog, constant anxiety, etc). There were definitely things I was drinking over and I would have told you when I was in active addiction that I was "fine." I appeared to be managing a lot better anyway because I was in a constant state of distracted numbness.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. <3

shortstop81

My first year of sobriety was super tough for me. I remember also feeling envious of those who were reporting on how awesome they felt in early sobriety, "pink cloud", etc. For a long time I wondered whether sobriety was really much better than when I had been drinking.

But I was suffering from major depression and generalized anxiety, which I was likely masking with my drinking. Treating those underlying issues and continually putting days between myself and my last drink slowly pulled me out of the slog.

I didn't post much during that time. Like another pp said, maybe those who aren't feeling as great aren't as motivated to chime in. That seemed to be my case.

The good news is, is that although I still have tough days, they are fewer and farther between. Only looking back can I see how much better my life is without the booze and all my crappy behaviour that resulted from it. I'm a functional, stable human being. Just that knowledge alone makes me feel good in my sobriety.

RecklessDrunk

I've heard alcoholism starts where the bottle ends. The alcoholism is the underlying condition that makes us drink. The drink treats the alcoholism so if we take this away we may be left with untreated alcoholism. Restless, irritable, discontent.

I'm distrustful of doctors and meds. I had to take antidepressants in my early teens. They made me worse, they made suicidal. I guess some people need them and many do not react the way i did. Still, im skeptical of the role they may have played in suicides, just knowing the way i felt on them. It wouldn't be my first resort, we were just a using a chemical (alcohol) to treat our alcoholism.

Not everyone is going to go for the God thing so i'll i skip over that for a minute. Besides that some of the biggest factors in how good I feel are diet, exercise, and sleep. Some of the simplest stuff. Especially exercise, this gives the brain some of the natural chemicals it needs to provide some of the positives alcohol or antidepressants may provide. The human brain is designed to survive a hostile environment that we are thousands of years removed from. If the brain doesn't get its physical stress it seems to create its own. Sometimes making us crazy.

Other then that I would try a program like AA or SMART or one of those things. In AA get a sponsor and work the steps. I know its easier said then done but once i just let go and turned it over i felt a lot of weight come off my shoulders. I guess I just got so far to the end of my rope and something just snapped. Like I didn't care anymore. I considered death. What life was all about, what my purpose was, who created me, how and why was I here. Let go and live life on life's terms. Speaking with a sponsor everyday helped. We would laugh about how nuts our alcoholism really is.

RAB12345

Thank you for taking the time to write a response. Unfortunately my anxiety and depression get so severe that I am resorting to antidepressants. I don't like them either. I do go to AA. I haven't found a sponsor yet that is a good fit for me. I also meditate and go for daily walks, and I've been sleeping pretty good. I've tried to push through without medication and I ended up in a psych hospital.

Noam19

Rab, you're doing outstanding. 100 days is phenomenal. Keep in mind that a lot of people experience an early euphoria when they quit and get through a physical detox...sometimes just feeling healthy has a big impact on mental wellbeing. But the other component is the emotional. We all drink or drank for a reason or several. When we stop the issues we were covering up or self-medicating are still there. They have to be worked through at some point. Maybe that's where you are.

Keep working, we're all here for you. You will be victorious!