When did you realize you were in trouble?
Not a native English speaker
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Latin Europe
Posts: 146
I've been steadily increasing my alcohol quantity for the last 10 years. 5 years ago it was "normal" for me to have 2 or more beers during lunch or dinner, because I drank the first ones quickly and needed some more for the rest of the meal.
My first red flag was when I realized that I drank everyday and more quantity than normal, but I kept going. Another red flag was realizing that drinking alone was not normal either.
Finally, the last red flag, the one that had me register here in SR, back in 2015, was knowing that I was going to my work party and was getting wasted. And I was and there was nothing I could do about it.
5 years passed and here I am, almost 1 month sober.
My first red flag was when I realized that I drank everyday and more quantity than normal, but I kept going. Another red flag was realizing that drinking alone was not normal either.
Finally, the last red flag, the one that had me register here in SR, back in 2015, was knowing that I was going to my work party and was getting wasted. And I was and there was nothing I could do about it.
5 years passed and here I am, almost 1 month sober.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,688
Tursiops999 said: "I also began to have a sneaking suspicion that my depression and very dark outlook on the world ... maybe, just maybe, that was a result of my drinking, rather than being the cause of my drinking. A light bulb went off, "maybe I have this backwards".
Yep - I knew things were bad when I was crying almost every day, so depressed and sad and just... not really wanting to live. I drank almost every day. I looked forward to 4:30-5 pm, when it was "acceptable" to drink. While I was drinking and buzzed, I wasn't as sad and anxious. But then I'd wake up in the middle of the night, panicky and sweating. I didn't ever drink in the middle of the night, or in the morning, but I was in a very dark place. I had a sneaking suspicion that alcohol might be adding to the anxiety and depression... But I was in denial. I really started to worry when it got to the point where I was disappointed that I woke up in the morning. I was truly wishing to just die in my sleep some days. I was acting in ways that were completely out of character for me, hurting people I cared about, driving drunk, embarrassing myself all the time. Still I was in denial, not wanting to give up the drinking. I just thought I needed therapy and antidepressants. Fast forward to the third DUI, and the decision while being booked that I was DONE. It was crystal clear to me in that moment that I had to quit, WANTED to quit. I wanted nothing more in the world than to be free of that bondage.
So - I knew for a long time. I knew It was a problem, deep down. Even not deep down. For years, I would look myself in the mirror sometimes and say out loud "you're going to have to get control of this." And I'd try. I'd try to moderate, I'd try to only drink on the weekend, I'd try to quit for a couple of weeks at a time so I could prove to myself I could do it. None of those efforts got me anywhere. It was a progression. There was not one single moment, there were hundreds.
Yep - I knew things were bad when I was crying almost every day, so depressed and sad and just... not really wanting to live. I drank almost every day. I looked forward to 4:30-5 pm, when it was "acceptable" to drink. While I was drinking and buzzed, I wasn't as sad and anxious. But then I'd wake up in the middle of the night, panicky and sweating. I didn't ever drink in the middle of the night, or in the morning, but I was in a very dark place. I had a sneaking suspicion that alcohol might be adding to the anxiety and depression... But I was in denial. I really started to worry when it got to the point where I was disappointed that I woke up in the morning. I was truly wishing to just die in my sleep some days. I was acting in ways that were completely out of character for me, hurting people I cared about, driving drunk, embarrassing myself all the time. Still I was in denial, not wanting to give up the drinking. I just thought I needed therapy and antidepressants. Fast forward to the third DUI, and the decision while being booked that I was DONE. It was crystal clear to me in that moment that I had to quit, WANTED to quit. I wanted nothing more in the world than to be free of that bondage.
So - I knew for a long time. I knew It was a problem, deep down. Even not deep down. For years, I would look myself in the mirror sometimes and say out loud "you're going to have to get control of this." And I'd try. I'd try to moderate, I'd try to only drink on the weekend, I'd try to quit for a couple of weeks at a time so I could prove to myself I could do it. None of those efforts got me anywhere. It was a progression. There was not one single moment, there were hundreds.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 87
A few years ago, we went on a trip to Northern AZ to celebrate my twin niece and nephew's 21st B-Day. I had been drinking pretty much night and day when I wasn't at work for the past year. I knew I'd be driving up so I didn't drink that Saturday, where normally I would have started at 7am. I was an anxious mess by the time we finished the two hour drive. I thought I could have a couple of drinks to calm my nerves at dinner without calling too much attention. I got three vodka tonics in and a beer over dinner and it just wasn't touching the jitters and shakes (it didn't help that the drinks were watered down). I was very self conscious about my drinking and didn't want anybody to 'think' I had a problem, so I stopped there. During that time in my sickness, it took about 1/4 of a 750 ml bottle to get me feeling OK.
This was the first time I had experienced withdrawals.
I had thought about sneaking a bottle with me on that trip and really regretted at the time that I didn't. I considered sneaking away to the hotel bar, but money was too tight to pay hotel drink prices. It was a miserable, sleepless night, but it was a wake up call on how far I'd fallen into the depths of alcoholism. About 10 months after that day was when I finally quit for good.
SC
This was the first time I had experienced withdrawals.
I had thought about sneaking a bottle with me on that trip and really regretted at the time that I didn't. I considered sneaking away to the hotel bar, but money was too tight to pay hotel drink prices. It was a miserable, sleepless night, but it was a wake up call on how far I'd fallen into the depths of alcoholism. About 10 months after that day was when I finally quit for good.
SC
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
There have been a bunch but
Originally Posted by Donnylutz 
Hello! Hope everyone is doing well!
I've been sober for a year and some change now - and I started thinking today about when I knew I was in serious trouble, and about the warning signs I completely missed...and it kinda freaked me out!!!!
Hindsight is 2020 - ironic since it is 2020 now lol..........but looking back now the warning signs were SO OBVIOUS, but i didn't see them.
In 2012, I was still just drinking on the weekends, I hadn't gotten to point of drinking everyday yet..the progressive disease of alcoholism had me, but I was still progressing...........but looking back now I'm in shock at something I did.
I went back to competitive figure skating that year, and drove from my home in Mpls to a ******** town in Missouri to compete at regionals and earn my way to nationals. So much drama was in my head. I won regional titles in 1996 and 1998, so it had been 14 years........I also was competing the weekend of my college graduation ceremony and my grandfathers funeral!!!! I almost didn't go because of both things - but my dad convinced me to....thankfully since it led to me competing the next month at nationals which I shockingly won......
But, the day of my skate.....I drove around the town since I had some time to kill before getting to the rink. I had competed in this town, Union. Mo several times when I was a kid, and I was feeling a mix of nerves and nostalgia. I then stopped at a gas station, and in MO gas stations sold airplane bottles of booze....I got a powerade, and two airplane bottles of vodka. What was I thinking??? By the time I got to the rink, I had the vodka mixed in to the bottle of powerade.
I competed at a regional skating competition, buzzed.....drinking alcohol during my warm-up........ what????? I didn't skate my best (shocker) but since my event only had 3 people I was guaranteed a spot at nationals, and somehow actually won...
I didn't realize how idiotic and how much of a red flag this was that my drinking was out of control. Looking back I'm just in shock....
My drinking got so much worse years after, but talk about a missed warning sign!!!!
When did you realize you had a problem, or what were the warning signs you missed along the way???
Stay happy and sober today! 💜💙💛💚
I've been sober for a year and some change now - and I started thinking today about when I knew I was in serious trouble, and about the warning signs I completely missed...and it kinda freaked me out!!!!
Hindsight is 2020 - ironic since it is 2020 now lol..........but looking back now the warning signs were SO OBVIOUS, but i didn't see them.
In 2012, I was still just drinking on the weekends, I hadn't gotten to point of drinking everyday yet..the progressive disease of alcoholism had me, but I was still progressing...........but looking back now I'm in shock at something I did.
I went back to competitive figure skating that year, and drove from my home in Mpls to a ******** town in Missouri to compete at regionals and earn my way to nationals. So much drama was in my head. I won regional titles in 1996 and 1998, so it had been 14 years........I also was competing the weekend of my college graduation ceremony and my grandfathers funeral!!!! I almost didn't go because of both things - but my dad convinced me to....thankfully since it led to me competing the next month at nationals which I shockingly won......
But, the day of my skate.....I drove around the town since I had some time to kill before getting to the rink. I had competed in this town, Union. Mo several times when I was a kid, and I was feeling a mix of nerves and nostalgia. I then stopped at a gas station, and in MO gas stations sold airplane bottles of booze....I got a powerade, and two airplane bottles of vodka. What was I thinking??? By the time I got to the rink, I had the vodka mixed in to the bottle of powerade.
I competed at a regional skating competition, buzzed.....drinking alcohol during my warm-up........ what????? I didn't skate my best (shocker) but since my event only had 3 people I was guaranteed a spot at nationals, and somehow actually won...
I didn't realize how idiotic and how much of a red flag this was that my drinking was out of control. Looking back I'm just in shock....
My drinking got so much worse years after, but talk about a missed warning sign!!!!
When did you realize you had a problem, or what were the warning signs you missed along the way???
Stay happy and sober today! 💜💙💛💚
in exchange for beer and liquor...got worse from there...many more warning signs came... this was at 18...I'm now 31...it's just now clicking...
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,531
When my liver started to feel the full effects of drinking and my life simply started falling apart around me after too. The drink mattered more than
anything else and I knew control was gone out of the window. When I started drinking in the morning regularly I knew deep down there was no come back.
It still took a few years to stop fully.
anything else and I knew control was gone out of the window. When I started drinking in the morning regularly I knew deep down there was no come back.
It still took a few years to stop fully.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,044
2007 was the first time I remember hiding booze from my wife who was pregnant with our first. It wasn't until 2011 that I had progressed to drinking several nights a week and seriously straining my marriage and etc. From 2012 - no it's essentially been trying to manage it with periods of sobriety here and there. Things are going well now though.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 146
I knew when I had to start getting loaded to go anywhere, including places like church, or when I started pregaming sex. I knew I was drinking to numb out and function the way I thought I should and I can remember crying about it a lot.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
I was a binge drinker and I knew for a long time I had a problem. At the time, I didn't know that things were going to get worse and I kept thinking if I only changed a thing here or there, ate different, slept more, got more exercise, etc, that I would return to being a "normal drinker". I felt like if I exerted enough will power and focus I was going to somehow regain control and make alcohol conform to my wishes.
I also used to justify not stopping by ticking off all the alcoholic signs that did not apply to me. I don't drink every day, I have a job, I have my own place, a relationship and I would tell myself that an alcoholic was someone who drank every day, was broke, probably couch surfing or homeless and had been diagnosed with cirrhosis. Since that wasn't me, I was ok to drink even if it was causing problems in my life, I was one day going to find the magic formula to go back to drinking like I used to 5 years ago.
Of course things got worse, the binge drinking went from 2 days to 4 days and I went from drinking beer to straight vodka and nearly losing everything I used to justify myself as a "non alcoholic", nearly lost my relationship, my job, etc.
I woke up after a 5 day binge of vodka and lay there in pain and I could see two paths for myself. Keep drinking, give up all the things in my life I cared about but how de-prioritized, and live the rest of my days working odd jobs, living here and there but drinking every day with no concern for consequences. Or I could stop and live a sober life and give myself a better life and that was the choice I made and it worked.
I also used to justify not stopping by ticking off all the alcoholic signs that did not apply to me. I don't drink every day, I have a job, I have my own place, a relationship and I would tell myself that an alcoholic was someone who drank every day, was broke, probably couch surfing or homeless and had been diagnosed with cirrhosis. Since that wasn't me, I was ok to drink even if it was causing problems in my life, I was one day going to find the magic formula to go back to drinking like I used to 5 years ago.
Of course things got worse, the binge drinking went from 2 days to 4 days and I went from drinking beer to straight vodka and nearly losing everything I used to justify myself as a "non alcoholic", nearly lost my relationship, my job, etc.
I woke up after a 5 day binge of vodka and lay there in pain and I could see two paths for myself. Keep drinking, give up all the things in my life I cared about but how de-prioritized, and live the rest of my days working odd jobs, living here and there but drinking every day with no concern for consequences. Or I could stop and live a sober life and give myself a better life and that was the choice I made and it worked.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
It was 'uh-oh' for me when I started drinking around the clock and realized that I actually couldn't stop. I finally got fed up and quit all at once-within 12 hours I was in full-blown alcoholic hallucinosis--after 4 days of torture I started drinking again and stumbled around insanely for a month until I threw in the towel and went to detox and inpatient rehab. Now things are much better--on December 23 I will have 5 years of sobriety and am one class away from my degree in social work...sobriety rocks and I will never go back!
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