Wow, man I was just going back, and forth in a little friendly banter with someone in the sober living home I'm staying in. He got all butthurt, and started threatening me out of no where. How do I handle this? |
People are pretty touchy in early sobriety. Just don't make it worse. Can you apologize, "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to say the wrong thing there." |
Walk away. Go chill out somewhere else. |
"Wow, man," indeed! Sorry that happened to you. I think I'd just let it slide for now. Newly recovering alcoholics aren't the most stable people. The other day I got irrationally angry at something I don't even remember and I slammed my bathroom closet door and broke it. Stupid move on my part. Leave the angry guy alone and let him deal with his problems while you deal with yours. I'm glad you're able to use the computer to come here to vent. |
We're good now. I went to the house facilitator, and explained what happened. We all came together, and we both apologized to each other, and hugged. It did really upset me thought. He told me he'd wait for me to leave to "teach me some manners", and we were on really good terms before this happened. Made me think twice before opening my mouth next time. |
He got all butthurt, and started threatening me out of no where. “Although you may not always be able to avoid difficult situations,you can modify the extent to which you can suffer by how you choose to respond to the situation.” – Dalai Lama |
I'm glad the two of you worked things out. This is all part of recovery. :) |
All we can ever do is look at our own part in it. Ask yourself three questions about the things you said to him; 1. was it true? 2. was it kind? 3. was it necessary? As a part of my sobriety I have changed how I talk to people. Do I want to be right or be happy? After we ask ourselves these things we can then see our part in any conflict. If we keep our side of the road clean we can better assess situations and people to see if we want to interact with that person in the future. Be quick to forgive. Good luck. |
Go the art room and do a painting of the whole grisly episode. Follow up with a painting, "The Big Hug" and give it to him. Do they have an art room? |
Originally Posted by Steely
(Post 7516886)
Go the art room and do a painting of the whole grisly episode. Follow up with a painting, "The Big Hug" and give it to him. Do they have an art room? |
What a good outcome and a learning experience. I think we could all do with facilitators in our lives. ;) |
Go the art room and do a painting of the whole grisly episode. LOL! Luckily I have mellowed with age and recovery. :e058: |
I was only being half serious BABM. Feeling a bit whimsical. Thought you response was funny nez. Hope you are doing ok spunout. Ignore the dill, the rabble, good for self discipline. |
Originally Posted by nez
(Post 7516965)
Old behavior would be to do the painting on my fist so that I could deliver it properly. :scared: LOL! Luckily I have mellowed with age and recovery. :e058: |
Originally Posted by Erica375
(Post 7517107)
Nez, thank you for my first laugh of the day. Not that violence is funny, but that YOU can laugh about how you used to be. |
Originally Posted by Kaily
(Post 7516964)
What a good outcome and a learning experience. I think we could all do with facilitators in our lives. ;) Not all forums are like that, where things can often get unpleasant in a hurry. This being a help forum is limited only to discussion that facilitates a positive outcome. Other forums encourage debate, but there is often a fine line between debate, trolling, and the dark hidden agenda. The monitors here are focused on facilitating help. With so many people coming in here with agendas of their own that are secondary to alcohol abuse, the monitors do a rather remarkable job. I would actually describe this environment as atypical of many forums. |
Originally Posted by nez
(Post 7516869)
I am not proud to say it, but I have been guilty of that same behavior. When people do that to me, I try to remember the times that I have done that to others. This leads me to trying to discern the root cause of the pain in that person's life that resulted in their reaction. When I do this it usually winds up with me finding a similarity in my past, which creates empathy and defuses the situation for me at any rate. (Short version: walk a mile in their shoes) |
I'm glad you made up with this person. People can be a bit difficult deal with in early sobriety. Good you sorted it out. |
Hi, Doesn't your sober living home have a house manager that lives on property? That's the person who should handle this. I'd steer clear of the person you got into it with. Remember that he's fighting some gnarly demons too and that his behavior could be a result of his discomfort and fear. |
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