spinout

What an oxymoron, for starters. What is the point of this stupid period? All it is, is further punishment. They took my phone, gave me a computer and then promptly took it from me. I can't watch T.V., or do anything to distract myself from my cravings. All it's making me want to do is leave, and go back to getting high.

Is there any upside to this stupidity?

LumenandNyx

Yes. It'll come to you. It might help to grab some paper and a pen. That helped me.
Grin and bear it. You might not have it all figured out.

Steely

Writing your thoughts in a journal is a good idea spinout.

Try to find the good spinout. There is real reason why you are where you are. Listen to what's going down.

Wastinglife

I must have missed something. What are you referring to? Are you in a rehab facility?

Dee74

Hi spinout

I'm assuming you're in some kind of rehab?
I'd really encourage you to stick it out - no one ever ends up in rehab cos life is great and they have all the answers, yeah?

D

Steely

Yes, I understood spinout's post to mean he/she was in rehab.

nez

You can do whatever you want. I just know that whenever I got my way and did what I wanted, it always led me back to hell and alcohol, which is not what I wanted. Talk about an oxymoron.

I had to learn to do things that I didn't want to do in order to stay sober. I had to get honest with myself and take a hard look at my behavior and thinking. Being on the phone, computer, TV, etc, now that really distracted me from doing the work that I needed to do, which was working on recovery.

I had to learn to do what I needed, as opposed to what I wanted. And I had to keep at it until I wanted to do what I needed to do. It wasn't easy and I thought a lot of it was stupid, but since when I have been a good judge of what was good for me. In hindsight, it was a small price to pay for the freedom I know today!

Wastinglife

I did 5 weeks of in-patient rehab. They confiscated our phones for the entire time we were there. There was a common lounge with TV. Communal phone. No internet/computers in the living quarters. It's all part of the plan. Stick with it!

BeABetterMan

Our addictions turn us into the worst versions of ourselves. What I’m hearing from you is selfishness. You want your way. And if you don’t get it you’ll quit. Before you think I’m attacking you, let me tell you that I was having major anxiety my first night in an inpatient rehab and they wouldn’t give me
any medicine for it. So what did I do? I jumped the fence and got the hell out of there. This was one of the best rehabs in California with great counselors. But I wanted it
my way. So I quit. Don’t be like me. Push through the discomfort, keep your eye on the prize. Give yourself a chance at a better life. Glad you can still come
here and post. Maybe think about the things you’re grateful for. Good luck!

least

It doesn't sound like you're there willingly. How did you end up there? At least give it a chance to help you. If you're going to be there for a while, might as well gain some knowledge.

spunout

The sober living home I'm in is such a nazi *******.

Can't watch T.V., can't have a phone, can't have my personal laptop. Can't even have candy, for **** sakes. IS CANDY A SIN TOO?!?

All they want you to do is thump bibles, and stare at the wall and watch the paint dry. I can't take it here. All it's doing is adding to my stress level, which is already through the roof due to my stupid detox.

edit: Yes, my other account is spinout. I couldn't get back into it because the password reset link on this forum is broken.

saoutchik

Sorry you are having such a lousy time spinout. Not being allowed to watch TV is mystifying, I wonder what the rationale is behind it, people need all the distractions they can get when detoxing.

nez

What was your life like prior to the stupid detox?

Anna

Spunout, I merged the one thread you had from your old account with this thread. I will close the account Spinout.

I really hope you stick with the sober living house. Trust their experience in the rules that they have.

spunout

I was homeless. At least then I had some semblance of freedom. Having everything taken from you while going through the detox is the opposite of helpful.

biminiblue

Take the help. Being sober is hard work, and that is really the only way I would have appreciated it...by having to work for it.

Can you take a walk? If you aren't allowed out yet, how about some body-weight exercises or calisthenics? Even 50 jumping jacks seems to settle me down right away. Sometimes I run in place or do squats or lunges or pushups. It's great for getting out that anxious energy.

Hang on. It will get better. Obviously you're there because your previous life wasn't working for you. Look for the good. Talk to someone. Go to a meeting.

nez

So what prompted the decision for detox?

Hevyn

Spunout - I'm sorry you're so miserable, but glad you're posting. Many of us have felt hopeless in early recovery, but if you keep going past this phase things are sure to improve. You're not alone.

spunout

It was a choice between that, and living homeless which really sucked. Now I'm not so sure which one sucks more.

nez

Yeah, without a doubt, I remember feeling that way. It was a hell that I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy.

Because I remember, I'm pretty sure that if I were detoxing, I would blow off my next sentence and think it is stupid, trite, and bumper sticker mentality, but it is my truth and I don't know how else to put it. This can be the last time you have to detox and go through this.

The last time I detoxed after 10 years of detox after detox after detox, the cycle of hell ended, That was 17 years ago and I can't begin to put into words how that feels, other than to say..I ain't going back for nothing!

I know that right now you are in a ugly place in your life, but you can do this and it is worth it. Hang in there.