Flowing

I just wondered what everyone's thoughts were on the best tactic for continuing sobriety..... Do you talk to your inner AV, try to argue with it in the hope you win or do you just shut it down as soon as it starts to speak?

In previous sobriety attempts I have spent hours, days, weeks engaging with my AV trying endlessly to come up with an argument that stumps it but it was insanely tiring and never really worked, this time I'm trying the approach of simply not engaging with it. I DO NOT DRINK. Simples!

Thanks.

freedomfries

My approach now is to just recognize AV as AV and not me. It may want to drink but I don't. I don't argue with it. I just acknowledge it as not me and move on.

DriGuy

I think ideally, it would be best to ignore it. Having said that, it's not what I do. Like FreedomFries, I acknowledge it, and then ignore it. This has served me well for 24 years, so I don't have much incentive to cancel it out as if it's not there. The good news is that with time, it speaks to you less and less. It now shows up maybe 4 or 5 times a year, but by now I just laugh at it.

Now about arguing with it. I would say flat out that this has always been a disaster for me. I don't think I've ever won the argument. I always ended up caving in. I'd argue and win for a while, feel good about that, and then just cave in. An argument is an act of engagement. You give your opponent the floor, and you listen, and like any opponent, this is what your AV wants. He wants to engage so he can have a chance. Now it's time to be rude. DON'T GIVE HIM THE CHANCE. Why even give him a chance? To be polite? Don't be silly. He's a total jerk. You owe him nothing.

Acknowledging that he is there is probably OK. I did it and still do, but it is now a default habit for me to disregard and choose not to drink. It takes practice, and the skill doesn't come over night. That's how cravings rationalized by the voice get you to rationalize too (just one drink and I'll be satisfied). But the rationalization is a lie, and you know it.

So maybe acknowledge that the voice is there, but disregard. Actually, disregarding it, laughing at it (or laughing at myself) is empowering. I'm big enough and smart enough not to obey the idiot in my head. It feels good to be like that.

Sober45

I had to stop fighting with the AV to get sober. What worked for me was redirecting my attention IMMEDIATELY whenever I felt the rationalizing coming on. I:
-have a horrid memory of something I did about a year before I quit....I would bring up that image.
-drank something sweet like juice or cola
-googled stuff like "how alcohol is ruining society"....there's all kinds of info out there that clearly shows drinking is abnormal. I had to change my whole attitude toward booze so that I would not feel like I was missing out.
-took hot bath or naps
-watched movies....I'm a 46 year old petite woman and guess what....I love the Transformers movies!

I also took a selfie on Day 1 and every day after for few weeks so I could see what was happening. I look like a different person now and I have proof...very powerful to be able to look back at me on Day 1 and compare to what I look like now.

I stopped saying "why can't I be like them?". Instead, with all the information I have now, I can confidently say "I'm so glad I'm like them"...because really and truly, even the "norms" drink for a reason...I don't need a social lubricant anymore because I'm good enough the way I am. End of.

What I crave now is personal growth. It happens slowly but my gosh, after 9 months I'm in a totally different place.

Nonsensical

I observe, but I do not engage. My AV does not understand logic. It can't be reasoned with. It won't keep any promise, so it can't be bargained with. It can't be intimidated, threatened, educated, humiliated, encouraged, or coaxed. It doesn't feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, fairness, or remorse.

It is a liar and a thief. If left unsupervised it will murder me.

It must be starved.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

nez

In life, you don't have to participate in every argument that is offered to you. Many times non-participation is the healthiest and most serene choice.

Rsanchez920

just my opinion but I don't think the AV is as real or powerful as we have made it out to be
​​​​​​.. I don't think it is some entity that is living inside of our head it is merely just ourselves. When it talks to us you notice that it's just you going back and forth like "maybe just this one!" "no I know I can never do that again!!" "oh but I need to de-stress" "no you really don't need that" it's more of coming to terms with our own thoughts and beliefs we've formed about alcohol and what it does for us more than an insidious entity feeding us thoughts from an outside force. The thoughts are our own that we need to confront by un learning the lies alcohol has fed. Whether that be reading, researching, meetings, etc or merely looking back on how disfunctional we were in the mistakes that we have made and letting that make the decision for us to continue in sobriety... Based on the proof, the facts


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LumenandNyx

Talking to the AV is like giving it gas or feeding it or offering it center stage in the auditorium of your brain.

Shut It down.

LumenandNyx

Yes it is. Another name for it is addiction.

DriGuy

It's a personification, so it's not real in that respect, but it is powerful enough that many alcoholics, long past the cravings in early recovery and with the most innocent of intentions, fall prey to its seductiveness. It's brought many an alcoholic who feels solid in recovery to his knees. They are buying into a fantasy, of course, and when it comes right down to it, it's the alcoholic buying into his own bull$hit. The AV's power lies in the fact that it is us telling us what we want to hear.

Rsanchez920

Not disputing that...if it wasn't then we all wouldn't be here or need this site... I was just trying to say that those thoughts are our own thoughts fighting with ourself back and fourth telling us that drinking might be okay this time etc... We don't have to listen to it. Thoughts don't have to become action.

Rsanchez920

And I agree.... I was just trying to put in words the way that I personally relate to the AV and to let the original poster know that we are strong and that we can do this and we are more powerful than we think

Anna

I shut it down. I recognize it's the AV and then I let it go. Your brain promotes what you pay attention to, in all aspects of life. If you dwell on the AV, then your brain will continue to return to it again and again.

Dee74

Engaging with it is like engaging in a debate with a toddler.
It has nothing you want, and what it wants is no good for you.

good for you Flowing

D