OliviaLynnMarsh

Me: mom of 3, teacher, wife to binge drinker and abuse survivor. Years of binge drinking: maybe 7, with 2 years sobriety thrown in there, severity increased as time went by, even with blocks of sober time. Days ago: First trip to hospital. Passed out on a trail while running/drinking. Agreed he needs to reduce cardio bc it’s a major problem for him. Remorseful but a few days later when he sees me anxious, just becomes defensive. It’s all about him again.Today, going to run. I have a meltdown. Calmer now but just as depressed. Realizing I need to not question anything, just get out of the way. I need to find the strength to take my focus away from him and just worry about me and my kids. I just wish the drunk could see himself when he’s drunk. How do I do this?

SparkleKitty

It will start with your acceptance that you have no control over his drinking, his running, his realizations or any other of his choices, but you do have control over your responses. It seems like your plan to focus on yourself and your kids is a sound one.

LumenandNyx

That's a really good question. How do you do it while you still live together? How does he get his life together if his focus is on you and your marriage and your children?

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation. You have to focus on yourself and your kids. I'm sure it's not easy, but nothing you say or do will have much effect on your husband's drinking. I hope that he makes a decision to seek support for himself.

OliviaLynnMarsh

For your replies. I’m starting to see more clearly now. He has started a recovery program again. He loves me and our kids immensely.His shame eats at him way too much. I need to learn to have patience. I know we can get through this together. Please pray for our family.

OliviaLynnMarsh

I guess it’s different for everyone. I know several alcoholics who got sober, stayed sober and their marriage became better than pre-drinking. Not everyone can do this I guess . Thankful that we’re able to support him and he’s still able to contribute to our family and marriage in a meaningful way. All the best

Dee74

Hi and welcome Olivia
Like Anna says I think your focus needs to be on yourself and your children.

Sadly we cannot love someone else into recovery much less cajole or 'reason' them into getting better - but sometimes love for our loved ones can be a positive influence in an individual's decision to get sober and stay that way.

I hope your husband works hard for his recovery, stays sober - and that things improve for you and your children, and of course for him.

D

D122y

If your drunk truly wants to get clean, he needs to log into this site and learn all about his addiction problem.

Booze is a drug, just like pot, meth, crack etc. Regardless of the arguments of what is worse, booze is a drug.

That makes him, and me, a drug addict. The addiction is for life. The brain damage is permanent and the brain must rewire.

He, and I, will always crave the buzz.

The only way out of addiction, all the way out, is time and suffering. There are meds a person can take to make the suffering less. But, it could be argued that meds draw it out as well. Then comes the relapse while on the meds.

So, if a drunk wants to quit, they need to be ready to suffer as the addiction morphs for the rest of their life.

Good news is, once a certain level of healing is achieved, things get amazing.

Thanks.

Sammy1980

For your replies. I’m starting to see more clearly now. He has started a recovery program again. He loves me and our kids immensely.His shame eats at him way too much. I need to learn to have patience. I know we can get through this together. Please pray for our family.[/QUOTE)

He has a drinking problem, that doesn't mean he doesn't love his family. Hopefully the shame will be enough to help him put down the drink. Good luck to you and your family.