First night sober extreme emptyness And loneliness much inner pain and sadness
 

I'm 59 I look likd I'm barely 40....I'm hooked on heroin I'm a massive drug addict I hide it very well.... The other night I finally passed out after days of no sleep meth and a **** ton of heroin only to wake up 3 hrs later with 15 minutes to get ready for the arrival of a stranger to me,that a friend here in Oregon sent to pick me up and drive me back here to Oregon where I'm from i e. Ben gone 12 yrs or more two terms in san quentin a ten yrs long failed marriage a d now I find myself. Back in Oregon which is what I've wanted so.badly for so long. The trip here was grueling straight thru only stop for gas a couple of. Times....I was out if heroin so it wasnt long before my body starting aching and hurting because I was withdrawing.still after arriving at 5 am this morning I'm withdrawing still.zo I decided I might as well kick this crap once and for all... It's after midnight I'm in a mobile home alone a d sick what I'm feeling now is what I realize I been feeling for months just worse the last couple. I feel a depth of emptyness and loneliness And pain inside that feelS like I'm going to die of heartbreak. I'm so intensely depressed right now I'm becoming completely filled with dread and fear inside. I'm in gold hill Oregon in a mobile on a golf course ... I haven't had any kind of loving relationship with anyone in yrs ... I'm completely broken right now and I have no one hold or sleep next to at night when having a partner would help so much .. several things getting ready to happen soon that is going to break me the rest of the way . I want to just go sit somewhere in the forest and not eat or drink or even move I just want to passaway. I want to walk outside and just start screaming I want to not feel like crying all the time I want to not. E filled with dread right now the loneliness and pain is so intense right now I need a miracle I need someone to love me and to let me live them I don't want to live with this pain and emptyness anymore please god please take this from me sends me a friend send. E a love please
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Hi and welcome retired outlaw :)

I can be lonely and scary looking at being clean and sober but I found that support really helps and you'll find a lot of that here.

However bad things might feel right now, the only way is up, man.

It can be a little rough for a while but things will get better :)

D

Good news is there’s only one way to go and that’s up and out of the chains of addiction.

The emotions can be overwhelming, but I think the more pressing matter is your decision to get clean first. I think you need to focus on getting through that initial period of getting clean and off the drugs and then you can begin addressing your emotions and feelings. If you are serious about getting clean, keep posting on here. Go into the chat room if you need to. You will get a ton of support from good people on here. Be kind to yourself and try not to beat yourself up right now. Stay strong.

You have my heart here this morning:(

When we're in the midst of our addiction, we can't see clearly and the emotions take over. What you are going through is withdrawals and that is not the real you. Stay sober and you will gain clarity. With clarity the way forward becomes so much clearer.

Think about the innocent child that resides within you...that is YOU. When talking things out, speak to the vulnerable child that is you in a kind and loving way.

With all the life experience you have, in a year from now, you could be a rock for others who are suffering like you are now.

I hope you decide to keep posting here.

Sending loving vibes your way xoxo

All the existential angst got immeasurably better for me with sober Time.

I hope you find the help you need either here or at meetings or counseling - better yet, use every resource available. Keep reading, and definitely keep posting.

yes, what Sober45 wrote. You can be a rock for others. That is one of the biggest parts of my own recovery. Stay on the path.

Welcome to SR Outlaw:
Genuine caring and support is what you'll find here.

So many of us have had some tough lumps in the past, but now experience a new freedom.
You can too.

Hang in there.
:)

Been there my friend. Kicking is as low as a human can go. All of the chemicals in your body and your mind are trying to punish you in order to drive you back to the drug. It tries to convince you that the only way out is to use again. It is a lie. The only way out of what you're going through is time and suffering. You will suffer and it will take time, that is the truth. But in time, you will improve. You will recover. For now, eat if you can, drink if you can, sleep if you can. Look up NA speakers on Youtube if you can. You will find countless people who have been exactly where you are and have recovered. Don't give in. Resolve yourself to endure the pain with the promise of a better future.

Welcome to the family RO. :) I have no experience with heroin but we have a substance abuse forum that might have more info than I can give you. :hug:

Lean heavily on us for support so you won't use again. :hug:

Some of the my amazing family here have already covered so much.

Welcome. Trust there will be ever growing moments of peace as the sober days add up.

​Thanks.

Welcome, and I'm sending you love. I know it's going to be really hard to go through the withdrawals, but it will get better, so much better.

Welcome to SR, Retiredoutlaw! I'm glad you found us here. I just want to know there is hope! In sobriety you won't believe the miracle that can come into your life.

How are you today? Sending you suppot.