cimbac

Wow, today is Day 11 and this is when it is going to start to get real. My "rock bottom" came on the night after Labor Day. I had drank about the same as I had been drinking for months. Every day, a pint of Vodka or 1-2 bottles of wine. When I drink, I drink pretty quickly, usually starting after 5 pm and done by 8pm. At some point I know I black out but I remain totally functional. My family has no idea. Sometimes I think you just don't see things that you don't want to see. So, after my drinking on Labor Day I went to bed, extremely relaxed. I was awakened about an hour later by the worst pain I have experienced in a very long time. It was right in my upper chest, just under the ribs. It felt like trapped gas. I tried everything. Tried to make myself throw up, which wasn't happening. Tried to take a bath, do anything to get comfortable. I was sweating and lightheaded and probably should have gone to hospital. I finally found a position that I could lay in and be semi-comfortable. Stayed home from work the next day. Pain was better but something was definitely off. Worked on Wednesday and then was home sick due to fever and body aches for a couple of days. Then I had to get a covid test before coming back and finally returned to work on Tuesday. I really needed the rest as I never take off work so that was ok. My stomach problems have gradually subsided to almost normal but something definitely happened. All I could think of was, this is related to my drinking and I don't want anyone to know. What if I have caused permanent damage? I have been blessed with pretty good health for my 61 years. Why I drink like that. I always take a back seat to everyone else. It's not really their fault as have never expected anything else. In order to have the time to myself that I desperately crave, I drink. It's my little secret and oh, it feels so incredibly warm and relaxing. The best ever. The only problem is that after I go to sleep, I generally am up in the middle of the night because of the pounding heart. Then there is the next day when I am kind of in a daze in the morning, swearing I have to stop. Then by the afternoon, I start to look forward to the drive home. Get the liquor and spend some alone time in the car before arriving home, relaxed. I watch tv, binging shows on Netflix, but the next day, I realize I totally lost a couple of episodes and have to go back. So, today, Friday, I am feeling great. Wow! So much extra time in my day. But the things that made me drink like that didn't go away. I start to think, oh, just a little. But, it's never going to work for me like that. Also, my god, that pain! I am scared to death of that pain and how it could possibly be worse, it could kill me and I am not ready for that! So, I have read a lot of your posts and see that you guys are just normal folks like me. So, I am here, to share and to gain support. Thanks for listening!

Dee74

Welcome to SR cimbac

The support here really changed thing for me - I hope You can make it change things for you too - ‘alone time’ in the car doesn’t sound very safe or very satisfying.

D

Anna

Hi and Welcome, That does sound scary and I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm sure you know it would be a good idea to talk to your doctor about what's going on.

Getting to Day 11 is great, but you're right, now is the really hard part. It's dealing with all the stuff that caused you to start drinking and keep drinking. It takes some digging and hard work, but you can do it. You can take things slowly and move forward with your life. Have you found enjoyable ways to fill the hours between 5 and 8 when you used to drink? Recovery is a journey and it sounds like you're ready for it.

Hevyn

Great to meet you, cimbac. I'm so glad you have 11 days sober.

When I came limping in to SR I'd been drinking every day for a long time. I was completely dependent on it to get through the day. It was a wonderful feeling to get free & no longer live an unhealthy, sad existence. Be proud - and keep posting. We're glad you're here.

least

Welcome to the family! I'd suggest getting checked out by your doctor to see if s/he can find out why you had that episode of such severe pain. I would definitely suggest staying sober. Drinking can cause some terrible health problems.

I'd also say the drinking in the car is a bad idea. Even if you're not driving, you can still be cited for drinking in a vehicle. At least, where I am that can happen.

I hope you'll fully utilize the support here to help you stay sober for good. I've been sober going on 11 yrs now and don't regret a minute of it. And never once have I woken up sober and wished I had drank the night before.

LumenandNyx

Hi,

I've never come across anyone remark about pain like yours. That said - I'm sure you've probably heard or read by now that things don't start to improve with our health until we've quit tossing back the sauce - for good.

Temporary breaks in our drinking routines are good for fooling our bodies - that's about it.

Sober45

Congratulations on 11 days! it seems like you have a good understanding of how you’re addiction is working against you. I drank every day also for years. At 8 months sober I can say that time certainly does heal and sobriety is so much better, hands down. Yes I have to work on the underlying issues and life is not easy but there’s an overarching sense of strength and stability in my life now. Looking back I can see now how alcohol messed up my emotions...I was living in a fog... drinking by night and withdrawals during the day.

You can do this just stay distracted and take it one day at a time

PhoenixJ

Welcome Cimbac.

cimbac

Thanks everyone! I stopped after work....and got a frozen yogurt! Something I really enjoy and savor, when alcohol is not in the way. I know I can do this. I have incredible self discipline once I put my mind to something. When not drinking, I eat very healthfully and exercise. This last stumble started about a year ago. My husband had previously been diagnosed with cancer. Last fall, he was declared cancer free, for now. This sounds terrible, but when we were dealing with the cancer there was something to focus on. After that, it's like, now what? What is there? I work and I love my job. I have 2 college age daughters and one of them can be problematic at times. There is nothing terrible in my life. Just a void, I guess. Then, when covid came it was even worse because there was never a moment when I could be truly alone. Feeling depressed, which was only fueled by the drinking. I know all of this. Anyway, I am feeling good and enjoying having some extra time on my hands. Thank you all for your support!

TheWayBack

Hi cimbac.

Reading your post, reminds me of me before the first time I came here.

"I generally am up in the middle of the night because of the pounding heart"

This is really dangerous. I had the same thing happening to me every time I drank hard liquor and I wound up in the hospital.

I also, when I was in the hospital, had a very similar thing as you describe with severe pain right under my ribs on the right side. It was so severe I passed out from the pain. When I woke up, they carted me down for a catscan. They said I had a lot of inflammation around my gall bladder and that's probably what was causing it. Alcohol messes with every organ in your body. There wasn't any permanent damage from that, thankfully.

You should probably have that checked out and also monitor your BP and heart rate. Best thing you can do is continue not drinking and get that stuff checked out.

Sammy1980

Welcome Cimbac,
Congregations on 11 days. Just be prepared for some boredom, keep yourself busy when the boredom sets in. I found that is the hardest part of staying sober.

brighterday1234

A sober life is entirely possible; and it’s wonderful 🙏

cimbac

I think you are correct about the boredom! Having all that time back will be a gift and now I have to get motivated to fill it! The list is long of all the things I have neglected. Thanks

cimbac

Oh, the list of things I "have gotten away with" is long: The pounding heart, the black outs, that horrible stomach episode, the driving. I must be here for a reason! The first time it happens, it scares you to death! The first time I blacked out was many years ago. I had barely a memory of being at a fundraiser at my daughter's school. Then, it happens again, and you "get used to it." Same with the pounding heart episodes. I have been very, very, VERY fortunate that during my blackouts I pretty much act completely normal. No accidents, no DUI's. A few years ago, I fell and broke my wrist (not alcohol related) and when I went to get pre-op physical they wouldn't clear me because my blood pressure was stroke level! I felt totally fine! I started medication and more importantly, stopped drinking and was able to get the surgery within a few days. That was an "ah ha" moment that kept me absolutely sober for 2 years and 9 months, until that day last fall, when the boredom and depression told me I could drink "just a little" and we all know where that led me. I am definitely an "all or nothing" gal and have to work on that in many areas but for drinking, it has to be nothing. My stomach pain was a definite "ah ha" moment and I fear my luck may be running out. Thanks everyone, again, for listening!!!!

MaximusD

Bottom line: You should get that pain checked out even if it went away. You don't want to regret NOT doing it. Put your mind at ease. If it means you don't want to tell your doc about the alchohol but will go in do that. But really, just come clean to your doc. They have heard way worse or seen way worse.

Forwards

Hi cimbac, welcome to the forum. I remember an episode of the worst abdominal pain imaginable back when I was drinking and was later told it was likely to have been Pancreatitis. It could have caused me serious and permanent damage. The primary treatment is to abstain from drinking or it will happen again.

Do go and get checked out by your doc and be honest about your circumstances. Then, stick around the forums here - there's great support available. How about joining the Class of September thread to get you going? Best wishes, Forwards.

SoberInCLE

It was scary at first but not drinking is great. I binge drank for 30 years and like you would "shut off" many nights. The early days of recovery are the hardest but the community is here to hear you.

MissPeaches

Hi cimbac, welcome and congrats on your 11 days. No matter what got you to the point of quitting, the point is you have gotten there. I echo what others have mentioned, that you should see a doctor. Your description of pain sounds like you may have had a gallbladder attack. Your experience sounds exactly like what I went through, as well as a few others in my life. Doctors are quick to say oh you have gallstones and if you have issues, then have it out. They never explained what those "issues" could be and what can happen if you don't seek medical care. Severe pain, nausea, chills, sweats, vomiting, bloating, to name a few. And a bad gall bladder can effect your liver and your pancreas significantly. I didn't realize I had several gall bladder attacks until the "big one" hit and I required emergency surgery. It's the worst pain and nausea I've ever felt in my life. I wish I had known then what it was so I could've planned the surgery on my own terms. Of course when these attacks were happening, I kept thinking what if my liver is finally giving out? At any rate, welcome to SR. There are wonderful people here who are frank, honest and supportive.