New here and feeling awful
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 3
New here and feeling awful
Hello, this is my first post but I used to read the forums on here a lot back when I was drinking. I was able to stop for about a year and a half, after a really bad day of drinking and an ultimatum from my now wife. I thought I was doing so much better and would never go back to that.
I have been having a lot of stress lately with my family (health issues), worries about my job, and worries about my own health. I know there is no excuse for choosing to drink. But that is what I did last night. I was home alone for just a few hours and decided to get drunk and lie to my wife about it. She is (rightfully) very angry and I am worried that I have caused too much damage this time. I have been moody and down lately with everything going on and I have not been a good partner. I think this may be the final straw for her, even though she is my best friend and I really do not want to lose her.
I remember how terrible life was when I was drinking all of the time. I truly do not want to go back to all of that misery. I need to do something different this time and that is why I am posting here. Day 1 is awful and I am so angry and disapppinted in myself and scared right now. Thank you for reading.
I have been having a lot of stress lately with my family (health issues), worries about my job, and worries about my own health. I know there is no excuse for choosing to drink. But that is what I did last night. I was home alone for just a few hours and decided to get drunk and lie to my wife about it. She is (rightfully) very angry and I am worried that I have caused too much damage this time. I have been moody and down lately with everything going on and I have not been a good partner. I think this may be the final straw for her, even though she is my best friend and I really do not want to lose her.
I remember how terrible life was when I was drinking all of the time. I truly do not want to go back to all of that misery. I need to do something different this time and that is why I am posting here. Day 1 is awful and I am so angry and disapppinted in myself and scared right now. Thank you for reading.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to the posting side.
Step into the light, my friend!
What's your plan for the next time you feel like drinking? That was the first issue I had to resolve. I couldn't work on any of my other issues until I got that one resolved.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Step into the light, my friend!
What's your plan for the next time you feel like drinking? That was the first issue I had to resolve. I couldn't work on any of my other issues until I got that one resolved.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 3
Thank you! Next time that I feel like drinking, I plan to post on this site. In the past, it has helped me to think it through...I know that drinking will cause damage to myself, my relationships, and make me feel like absolute crap the next day. It is never worth it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Have you considered a little counseling or AA meetings?
It sounds like you are under a lot of stress trying to deal with your life events. There is a way to cope with them that doesn't include escaping with addictions such as alcohol, drugs, porn, gaming etc.
AA addresses this but so does one on one counseling. There's no shame in admitting that life is overwhelming at times, and there are always people out there who can help.
Welcome and keep posting and reading. There is a lot of hard-won wisdom on these pages.
It sounds like you are under a lot of stress trying to deal with your life events. There is a way to cope with them that doesn't include escaping with addictions such as alcohol, drugs, porn, gaming etc.
AA addresses this but so does one on one counseling. There's no shame in admitting that life is overwhelming at times, and there are always people out there who can help.
Welcome and keep posting and reading. There is a lot of hard-won wisdom on these pages.
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,964
Welcome Whiskey1388:
If you are, like me, an alcoholic, then sober is the only way to go.
Hold on to it.
Post here often.
I was in your shoes 2 months ago. After a 4-5 day bender my wife was done with my shenanigans.
She called lawyers and left a retainer. I remained sober since, prayed some, and left her actions in her hands (no input wanted or needed from me).
She is my best friend. We still laugh together and are still co-habitating.
The thing that frustrated her the most were the lies. I was incapable of admitting my drunkenness or approaching her as a friend for support.
We still have work ahead to rebuild trust and closeness.
I would have none of this if I continued to drink.
It’s not easy. That’s why the addiction problem exists.
Go easy on yourself, but commit and keep posting.
Best to you.
If you are, like me, an alcoholic, then sober is the only way to go.
Hold on to it.
Post here often.
I was in your shoes 2 months ago. After a 4-5 day bender my wife was done with my shenanigans.
She called lawyers and left a retainer. I remained sober since, prayed some, and left her actions in her hands (no input wanted or needed from me).
She is my best friend. We still laugh together and are still co-habitating.
The thing that frustrated her the most were the lies. I was incapable of admitting my drunkenness or approaching her as a friend for support.
We still have work ahead to rebuild trust and closeness.
I would have none of this if I continued to drink.
It’s not easy. That’s why the addiction problem exists.
Go easy on yourself, but commit and keep posting.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Consider counseling with your wife. I am going to do that myself because she went through a lot as I struggled. One thing is for sure things WILL get better if you stop and stay stopped. Keep posting here and making sobriety a priority and you will be alright.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 3
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the advice. I have thought about counseling, but of course I never acted on it. I thought I could do this myself because it had been so long since I had a drink and I have been able to resist it other times when I was stressed. Clearly I was wrong. I am looking into online AA meetings. I have gone to a few in person, but that was years ago.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Hi Whiskey and Welcome
I'd say you are going to be fine because you recognized what was happening and came here. I think AA and/or counselling seems like an excellent idea.
For me, I have almost 9 months sober and your post serves as an excellent reminder that we need to stay vigilant.
I'm looking at my recover as occurring in stages over a period of years and I find that helps prevent me from becoming complacent.
If you drank after such a nice stretch of sobriety, I'd imagine the thoughts were brewing for a while before you actually drank. The thing is, drinking only covers up the problems we need to address (you know that already).
You can do it!
I'd say you are going to be fine because you recognized what was happening and came here. I think AA and/or counselling seems like an excellent idea.
For me, I have almost 9 months sober and your post serves as an excellent reminder that we need to stay vigilant.
I'm looking at my recover as occurring in stages over a period of years and I find that helps prevent me from becoming complacent.
If you drank after such a nice stretch of sobriety, I'd imagine the thoughts were brewing for a while before you actually drank. The thing is, drinking only covers up the problems we need to address (you know that already).
You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Sometimes, we can't make up for the damage we've caused. But - we can start making wise decisions and acting on them.
Go. Do you best. Find out who you can be when start BEING that person.
Go. Do you best. Find out who you can be when start BEING that person.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome, and I'm glad you posted. The emotions in the first few days of sobriety are very hard to deal with, but you're doing great in getting through this. It will definitely get better. Do everything you can in order to stay sober and show your wife, with your actions, that you are serious about changing. You can't control how things will work out with your relationship, but you can control staying sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,502
Welcome to SR Whiskey1388. Was last night the first time you have drank for a year and a half? It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life at the moment and drank to try and forget it all. The main thing is you have immediately realised that you don't want to return to your old drinking ways. Those ways really don't solve anything. Keep reading and posting here at SR and if possible, try and not be too hard on yourself. What's done is done and what matters now is what you want to do, which from what you have posted is to get back on the path to lasting sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Welcome to the posting side of things W1388
I hope your fears about your marriage won’t happen, but in any case, drinking, when you drink like we do, just can’t be an option if we want to keep the sober life we’ve built.
D
I hope your fears about your marriage won’t happen, but in any case, drinking, when you drink like we do, just can’t be an option if we want to keep the sober life we’ve built.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi Whiskey. I know how you feel - I did that too. It did serve the purpose of convincing me I could never touch the stuff again. Now you'll be even more determined to not pick up again. Keep posting & reading - we're here to help strengthen you.
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