Drank hand sanitizer
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
Hand sanitiser contains a very high percentage of alcohol (ethanol). However, the ethanol is denatured with other chemicals, such as methanol (another type of alcohol). Drinking this can cause organ failure, blindness and death.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hey FF, I probably shouldn't even comment on your post as am struggling so much myself too.
But I can feel and hear your pain in your posts.I think you wouldn't keep posting if you really didn't want help to get sober.
As others have said, maybe look at your priorities? Seriously college can wait, you are young and only have a couple of years to go which you can do anytime.
Drinking hand sanitiser which is not meant for human consumption is a serious, dangerous thing and will kill you.
Drinking hand sanitiser which is not meant for human consumption is a serious, dangerous thing,and whilst on antabuse will kill you more quickly.
I think drinking alcohol, which is meant for human consumption, when on antabuse, is really dangerous and can kill you.
Being on antabuse will not stop you drinking. You know this. It is not enough to just not get drunk. Please seek more help
But I can feel and hear your pain in your posts.I think you wouldn't keep posting if you really didn't want help to get sober.
As others have said, maybe look at your priorities? Seriously college can wait, you are young and only have a couple of years to go which you can do anytime.
Drinking hand sanitiser which is not meant for human consumption is a serious, dangerous thing and will kill you.
Drinking hand sanitiser which is not meant for human consumption is a serious, dangerous thing,and whilst on antabuse will kill you more quickly.
I think drinking alcohol, which is meant for human consumption, when on antabuse, is really dangerous and can kill you.
Being on antabuse will not stop you drinking. You know this. It is not enough to just not get drunk. Please seek more help
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
ff, rehab the first time was "a waste" for me, too. I could blame it on the rehab because it wasn't really all it was cracked up to be and I had a few unpleasant interactions there, particularly with staff. It wasn't them that couldn't deal with their own nonsense, it was me. Some of their nonsense was absolutely ridiculous, but it was still my problem that I couldn't learn something from that. It wasn't them who went to the liquor store after I left there, it was me. The magic didn't happen because I hadn't made the decision to work hard to straighten out all that ailed me, and that meant way more than stopping drinking. I frankly didn't realize that's what I needed to do.
In future months and years, when rehab was suggested, I had the same response as you have - why would I go a second time when it didn't work the first time? I know all of the things to think and say and do - why should I go back to learn it all over again when I already know it? But there came a day when I still had no idea what rehab was going to "do" for me, but I was out of choices. I was drinking and had no idea why. By this point, I didn't even want to drink. Hard to explain if you haven't been there, but that's a total mind-warp that many of us have experienced. It's terrifying and debilitating and frustrating and demoralizing.
It was in this state of defeat that I got to rehab and at some point decided I had to actually fix myself. Stopping drinking was the easy part. Finding my place within myself and learning to live with myself - that was what I needed to learn. And it took time, lack of access to alcohol, and hard work. It ain't no picnic if you do it right. I wasn't failing by going to rehab that second time - I was stepping up to the plate even though I really didn't want to, even though I didn't know how it was going to make a difference for me, I was making a decision to put my health and well being ahead of every thing, most especially my pride.
I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else - I'm saying I was a completely shattered person who had no will to live and it was just about that binary. Drink myself to death or go to rehab. Some choice, right? And it still took a good deal of convincing to get me to go. People here on SR did that convincing. And I am indebted to them for sticking with me and hounding me until I finally gave in. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Step up, man.
You obviously have it in you if you can punish yourself to the extremes you have been lately.
O
In future months and years, when rehab was suggested, I had the same response as you have - why would I go a second time when it didn't work the first time? I know all of the things to think and say and do - why should I go back to learn it all over again when I already know it? But there came a day when I still had no idea what rehab was going to "do" for me, but I was out of choices. I was drinking and had no idea why. By this point, I didn't even want to drink. Hard to explain if you haven't been there, but that's a total mind-warp that many of us have experienced. It's terrifying and debilitating and frustrating and demoralizing.
It was in this state of defeat that I got to rehab and at some point decided I had to actually fix myself. Stopping drinking was the easy part. Finding my place within myself and learning to live with myself - that was what I needed to learn. And it took time, lack of access to alcohol, and hard work. It ain't no picnic if you do it right. I wasn't failing by going to rehab that second time - I was stepping up to the plate even though I really didn't want to, even though I didn't know how it was going to make a difference for me, I was making a decision to put my health and well being ahead of every thing, most especially my pride.
I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else - I'm saying I was a completely shattered person who had no will to live and it was just about that binary. Drink myself to death or go to rehab. Some choice, right? And it still took a good deal of convincing to get me to go. People here on SR did that convincing. And I am indebted to them for sticking with me and hounding me until I finally gave in. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Step up, man.
You obviously have it in you if you can punish yourself to the extremes you have been lately.
O
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,535
ff, according to my count at least 20 of the replies on this thread are that you should put your degree on hold and need to go for some form of rehab. You have been saying for months that your aim is to get sober in time for college. Please stop putting your life at risk like this and take to heart the advice you’ve been given. I think if you go on like this, chances are that it is only a matter of time before you’ll be drinking at your previous levels, or worse. Why go on on your own, struggling like this?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
If you could get you a sober buddy to be by your side
for continuous support while going to class. Knowing
you have someone who has knowledge of addiction
and recovery while you are learning these valuable
lessons could help you stay the course to achieve
continuous sobriety.
Go to class, complete your studies and at the end of
each class, focus on some recovery meetings.
Balance class and sobriety so that they go hand in
hand. You cant have one without the other.
for continuous support while going to class. Knowing
you have someone who has knowledge of addiction
and recovery while you are learning these valuable
lessons could help you stay the course to achieve
continuous sobriety.
Go to class, complete your studies and at the end of
each class, focus on some recovery meetings.
Balance class and sobriety so that they go hand in
hand. You cant have one without the other.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Originally Posted by Obladi 
ff, rehab the first time was "a waste" for me, too. I could blame it on the rehab because it wasn't really all it was cracked up to be and I had a few unpleasant interactions there, particularly with staff. It wasn't them that couldn't deal with their own nonsense, it was me. Some of their nonsense was absolutely ridiculous, but it was still my problem that I couldn't learn something from that. It wasn't them who went to the liquor store after I left there, it was me. The magic didn't happen because I hadn't made the decision to work hard to straighten out all that ailed me, and that meant way more than stopping drinking. I frankly didn't realize that's what I needed to do.
In future months and years, when rehab was suggested, I had the same response as you have - why would I go a second time when it didn't work the first time? I know all of the things to think and say and do - why should I go back to learn it all over again when I already know it? But there came a day when I still had no idea what rehab was going to "do" for me, but I was out of choices. I was drinking and had no idea why. By this point, I didn't even want to drink. Hard to explain if you haven't been there, but that's a total mind-warp that many of us have experienced. It's terrifying and debilitating and frustrating and demoralizing.
It was in this state of defeat that I got to rehab and at some point decided I had to actually fix myself. Stopping drinking was the easy part. Finding my place within myself and learning to live with myself - that was what I needed to learn. And it took time, lack of access to alcohol, and hard work. It ain't no picnic if you do it right. I wasn't failing by going to rehab that second time - I was stepping up to the plate even though I really didn't want to, even though I didn't know how it was going to make a difference for me, I was making a decision to put my health and well being ahead of every thing, most especially my pride.
I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else - I'm saying I was a completely shattered person who had no will to live and it was just about that binary. Drink myself to death or go to rehab. Some choice, right? And it still took a good deal of convincing to get me to go. People here on SR did that convincing. And I am indebted to them for sticking with me and hounding me until I finally gave in. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Step up, man.
You obviously have it in you if you can punish yourself to the extremes you have been lately.
O
In future months and years, when rehab was suggested, I had the same response as you have - why would I go a second time when it didn't work the first time? I know all of the things to think and say and do - why should I go back to learn it all over again when I already know it? But there came a day when I still had no idea what rehab was going to "do" for me, but I was out of choices. I was drinking and had no idea why. By this point, I didn't even want to drink. Hard to explain if you haven't been there, but that's a total mind-warp that many of us have experienced. It's terrifying and debilitating and frustrating and demoralizing.
It was in this state of defeat that I got to rehab and at some point decided I had to actually fix myself. Stopping drinking was the easy part. Finding my place within myself and learning to live with myself - that was what I needed to learn. And it took time, lack of access to alcohol, and hard work. It ain't no picnic if you do it right. I wasn't failing by going to rehab that second time - I was stepping up to the plate even though I really didn't want to, even though I didn't know how it was going to make a difference for me, I was making a decision to put my health and well being ahead of every thing, most especially my pride.
I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else - I'm saying I was a completely shattered person who had no will to live and it was just about that binary. Drink myself to death or go to rehab. Some choice, right? And it still took a good deal of convincing to get me to go. People here on SR did that convincing. And I am indebted to them for sticking with me and hounding me until I finally gave in. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Step up, man.
You obviously have it in you if you can punish yourself to the extremes you have been lately.
O
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
FF, did you really drink hand samitiser, seriously? If so, why didn't you acquire and drink alcohol instead, as you have on Antabuse previously, because, as bad as that is....hand sanitiser is more life-threatening than alcohol on Antabuse.
Just to be clear, I'm not condoning alcohol and Antabuse, whatsoever, but drinking hand sanitiser, there's got to be more going on here, mentally, than you're able to deduce or admit: you need HELP in the 3D world, and soon! Please speak to your parents, tell them how bad this situation has become, that the Antabuse does NOT WORK, because you DRINK on it, and even worse....consume hand sanitiser! Tell them that you need help to deal with the drink issue, and soon, please, you're young, your degree can wait a year.
Just to be clear, I'm not condoning alcohol and Antabuse, whatsoever, but drinking hand sanitiser, there's got to be more going on here, mentally, than you're able to deduce or admit: you need HELP in the 3D world, and soon! Please speak to your parents, tell them how bad this situation has become, that the Antabuse does NOT WORK, because you DRINK on it, and even worse....consume hand sanitiser! Tell them that you need help to deal with the drink issue, and soon, please, you're young, your degree can wait a year.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
FF, college can wait. I do not think in your condition you will be able to complete a semester. As someone who fought though a grueling last semester, I cannot conceive of doing it while drunk. Listen to Be123's advice. This is end-stage stuff and you need far more help than you can give yourself. I needed help--a LOT of it--to get and stay sober, and that included inpatient rehab. There is a lot of hard-earned wisdom and advice here, and I hope you listen to some of it. If your parents and friend know that you are drinking hand sanitizer they are not giving you good advice by insisting you attend school when you are clearly unable to do so. Wishing you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
I have nothing more to add other than I agree with all the posts. You can see how many of us are with you on this. You need to make some changes to your program. Only difference is I might argue that you SHOULD start uni because it will keep you busy.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,700
FF, you need residential treatment 100%. College can wait, you need to get right first. We have said this to you on many occasions down the last few months. You need to get proper help or this will
end up very badly for you. Your chances are running out.
end up very badly for you. Your chances are running out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hi FF,
Lots of great advice already on this thread. I know you feel ready to be done with school, but finishing up with a clear head will make school much more manageable, and will also allow you to start focusing on what comes next when you are finished with school.
You are still very young, and it is great that you are trying to get sober now, I wish I had done that at your age. I hope you will consider looking at rehab, or even an intensive outpatient program.
Check in when you get a chance and let us know how you are doing.
Lots of great advice already on this thread. I know you feel ready to be done with school, but finishing up with a clear head will make school much more manageable, and will also allow you to start focusing on what comes next when you are finished with school.
You are still very young, and it is great that you are trying to get sober now, I wish I had done that at your age. I hope you will consider looking at rehab, or even an intensive outpatient program.
Check in when you get a chance and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,547
I completed my Bachelors stone cold sober. Was doing AA. I did exceptionally well. This may be accounted for in that everyone else was pretty lack lustre. Still, I completed my degree, and I learned heaps. And professors don't know everything.
Graduated: yippee, lets have a drink to celebrate! Wrong move. Kept drinking.
Embarked on a law degree (autospelled regret) fell off my stool in a lecture theatre and failed to graduate, drinking. Same with Sociology Masters. Nothing went well when I was drinking at university. If you're taking to drinking handsanitiser (spelled with an 's') I don't think you're going too fare to well either ff. Unless of course, you are doing better than what you say?
I dont know what control your parents have ff, (money, housing, education), but you sound young and to be taking to drinking handsaniser at your age is a real worry. Did you do it because you are just experimenting, or did you crave alcohol? Explain the "buzz".
Any rate going to rehab can sometimes be good if you need it. I know I did. I've been to a few and only 1 met my needs. It really helped. You might get lucky too. Shop around. Talk with others if you decide.
I'm hoping you can put college on hold until you stop washing your hands with that sanitizer. And hope you're not still not 'moderating' with Antabuse. Rehab. Respite from all this would do you good I reckon. Away from all the crap.
Why not?
Graduated: yippee, lets have a drink to celebrate! Wrong move. Kept drinking.
Embarked on a law degree (autospelled regret) fell off my stool in a lecture theatre and failed to graduate, drinking. Same with Sociology Masters. Nothing went well when I was drinking at university. If you're taking to drinking handsanitiser (spelled with an 's') I don't think you're going too fare to well either ff. Unless of course, you are doing better than what you say?
I dont know what control your parents have ff, (money, housing, education), but you sound young and to be taking to drinking handsaniser at your age is a real worry. Did you do it because you are just experimenting, or did you crave alcohol? Explain the "buzz".
Any rate going to rehab can sometimes be good if you need it. I know I did. I've been to a few and only 1 met my needs. It really helped. You might get lucky too. Shop around. Talk with others if you decide.
I'm hoping you can put college on hold until you stop washing your hands with that sanitizer. And hope you're not still not 'moderating' with Antabuse. Rehab. Respite from all this would do you good I reckon. Away from all the crap.
Why not?
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