DesertDawg

Absolutely. Alcoholics are often characterized as lazy, but being even a marginally functioning alcoholic is a lot of work, like having a second job. The logistics and planning involved with obtaining alcohol, hiding it, holding down a job, dealing with family (who may not approve of your drinking), trying to act sober when you're not, trying to determine if you're sober enough to even talk on the phone (is it OK to call Mom, am I slurring my words?)...the list goes on. Worrying about whether you're OK to drive. Making sure you have enough booze so you don't go into withdrawal. Add to that the fact that, as Marty pointed out, you feel dreadful all/most of the time. Sobriety was a struggle in the beginning, but at a certain point, I realized that my life had actually become simpler and easier, not having to constantly "feed the beast" on top of maintaining all of my other responsibilities.

PhoenixJ

Drinking booze for me = disconnection, isolating, oblivion to escape emotional pain.
BUT
apart from being hard- that same pain reminds me I am alive, connected to real time life and I still have the capacity to grow and heal even more.

It would not matter if I was drinking and it killed me, because I would not be living anyhow.

So I choose pain

I choose life


(and chocolate and coffee)

Dee74

It was part of the Beatles Anthology release of the mid 90s, 1995? collecting a lot of outtakes and alternative versions ...and two ’new’ songs demoed and unfinished by John in the 70s finished by Paul George and Ringo

Not sure who did the vid but it still stands up pretty well

D

biminiblue

ooooooh. That's why I had never heard that song!

That's a little disorienting... but still a very good video.

Willow00

Thanks for the great posts, really thought provoking and I relate.
PJ you hit the nail on the head for me, about isolating and escaping pain. When I was drinking, it was to escape emotional pain, and it was very isolating, I didn’t want to be around people, I preferred to drink alone and avoid people. I withdrew into a cocoon trying to find oblivion. That’s not living.

And despite seeking oblivion, alcohol caused more pain, physical and emotional, like Marty and Desert Dawg and others have said, feeling dreadful most of the time. Constantly craving more alcohol, working out ways to get it and hide it, knowing it would only make me feel marginally better perhaps for a brief moment and then even worse. And then even that marginally better was questionable as I felt awful pretty much all the time. It was hard work.

Sobriety feels like hard work, but it’s not as hard as trying to manage life whilst drinking. And there’s emotional pain that I have to face in sobriety. And to be perfectly honest, I’m struggling with it. It’s hard to sit with the sadness and grief, it’s painful and sometimes I want to scream that it’s not fair to lose someone you love so much. And I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster most of the time. I always hated roller coasters, and still do, they scare the crap outta me, and make me feel sick. But I’m trying my hardest to stick with it because I know that the alternative (drinking) would make me feel a million times worse.

I know alcohol just makes everything worse. I know sobriety is worth it.

So I’m on my 80th day without alcohol today, and this is my twelfth consecutive sober weekend. I will not drink today.

And I just had a crazy thought. Maybe I should go on an actual real life roller coaster one day. I haven’t been on one since my teens. I was probably drinking. Maybe I should face that fear and go on one sober. Maybe it would help my sober journey to face the reality of what it’s like.
Maybe it would actually be a fun ride..... Hmmmm.....

SoberLeigh

You are doing beautifully, Willow!

Roller coasters have increased in intensity on the thrill seeking scale. The Yeti/Kilimanjaro ride in Disney’s Adventure World is at the top of my roller coaster tolerance line. Yikes.

Cityboy

Great opening for weekender thread. I felt this op for weekender the closest of any since I started coming around.

Pic of Jonathon is perfect.

Was listening to some music earlier while mowing and played Freebird. I just wonder if it is possible that some here are not familiar with Freebird. I've heard it described as having been life changing, not sure that I would go that far. A local band that made it big in the 70s and were in a nasty plane crash that killed the lead singer and others.

Headed back to listen to Dee's link.

https://youtu.be/CqnU_sJ8V-E

SoberLeigh

It starts off so nicely; I thought -oh not so bad- and then it started backing up.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...RTiR1N3araxZR7

SoberLeigh

I remember Freebird, CityBoy! Good song.

Awake61

Lovely pictures and shares. As I continue to stay free from booze, the more I realize I have to work on freeing myself from the circumstances that helped to keep me in my drunken state for so long. It will take time, but now I'm truly aware, solutions will come. thank you for listening!

Willow00

Yes Captain it was Jonathon! Thanks for the reminder Cityboy

Willow00

Hmmm Leigh, I’m not so sure I want to go on a roller coaster after all
I felt motion sickness just watching it lol .
Perhaps I’ll just stick to learning to deal with my own personal emotional roller coaster lol 😂

Cityboy

I could not remember having done that ride SoberLeigh until watching the video. Chances are I had a hangover and was just trying not to get sick.

I remember the beginning of the rocking roller coaster at least. I think that was later in the day and the cobwebs had cleared.

Dee74

I remember Free Bird too

D

Cityboy

Awake, I know exactly what you mean. All previous attempts at quitting, most lasting less than 10 hours, had given no consideration to what you are referring to. This attempt began with at least partially addressing a couple of issues and finding SR, the lack of either would have resulted in another failure. Then the magnitude of unaddressed issues began to become evident.

Erica375

I did not drink today and I will not drink tomorrow.
I am looking forward to a serene, sober weekend.

least

Dee, thanks so much for the Beatles video. I had never heard that song before, at least, I don't remember it. Lovely, as all Beatles songs are.

I too love the feeling of being free from the grip of alcohol addiction. My life is my own now and I don't have to plan it around drinking/being sick from drinking.

Cityboy

Erica.

Soberleigh, just noticed the cool action shot of the sandhills.

Really touched by some of the posts so far, especially Willow (congrats 80 days), PJ, desertdawg, and MLD. I've always been struck with this group at how I could have sat at written the exact same thing.

Mags1

CityBoy, I agree! I think that’s why SR is great. We are like minded people who ‘get’ us.

OceanGuy

"...lies and scheming to hide how much I drank."

Oh yes - and for me the walk of shame when the neighbors saw me with a black liquor bag and I tried to hide it within my jacket or under an arm. Or, alternatively if I had a normal looking bag in the car and tried to pretend my vodka bottles were somehow groceries.