Blackouts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 5
Blackouts
Hi all,
I am brand new to this site. I've have had a problem with alcohol for many years now and really want to quit. There's no point in telling myself that I can still drink but will to just try cut down, because it is all or nothing with me and once I start drinking I don't know when to stop!
Yesterday morning I awoke with a hangover, so in order to cope with the hangover and to take the edge off, I started drinking beer at 9.30am. I lost the whole day, I woke up to texts I don't remember sending and bruises on my body which then alerted me to a very vague memory of going out to buy some junk food and falling over to gasps from people around me.
Today I have promised not to drink and to try and see how many days I can go without alcohol, because I drink everyday. I actually don't feel like a drink today because I feel unwell after my consumption over the past couple of days, but even though I feel unwell I still have that feeling of dread at the thought of not having any alcohol today. I see it as my best friend, which is wrong because it is my enemy, or I am my own worst enemy actually when I drink so I have to try to say goodbye to my "friend"!
Thanks for reading this and I have made the 1st step I guess, by registering on this site to talk to like minded people.
xxx
I am brand new to this site. I've have had a problem with alcohol for many years now and really want to quit. There's no point in telling myself that I can still drink but will to just try cut down, because it is all or nothing with me and once I start drinking I don't know when to stop!
Yesterday morning I awoke with a hangover, so in order to cope with the hangover and to take the edge off, I started drinking beer at 9.30am. I lost the whole day, I woke up to texts I don't remember sending and bruises on my body which then alerted me to a very vague memory of going out to buy some junk food and falling over to gasps from people around me.
Today I have promised not to drink and to try and see how many days I can go without alcohol, because I drink everyday. I actually don't feel like a drink today because I feel unwell after my consumption over the past couple of days, but even though I feel unwell I still have that feeling of dread at the thought of not having any alcohol today. I see it as my best friend, which is wrong because it is my enemy, or I am my own worst enemy actually when I drink so I have to try to say goodbye to my "friend"!
Thanks for reading this and I have made the 1st step I guess, by registering on this site to talk to like minded people.
xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 2
Welcome! I am glad you are reaching out. All I can say is it does get much better. I had to change my mindset to see drink as my enemy. You will hear folks here remind you to "play the tape forward" , meaning try to look past the initial urge and remember the result. There v result is never worth the very short moments of relief we feel from the booze.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 622
“I have promised not to drink and to try and see how many days I can go without alcohol”
Don't think down the road past now. If you don't drink now, life is good/great. I promise and it really is that simple*.
*Easier said then done I know.
And Welcome!
Don't think down the road past now. If you don't drink now, life is good/great. I promise and it really is that simple*.
*Easier said then done I know.
And Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Well done on making the first step. It seems like our drinking patterns were not dissimilar, in the last years of my drinking I would also sometimes start early in the morning, 11 am or so on some occasions and in the latter years of my drinking had a few incidents where I lost my balance under the influence of alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: England
Posts: 315
Hello G3T W3LL. I don't see alcohol as a friend or an enemy. It's a drug that causes my brain to spew out vast amounts of dopamine, which feels good at first. Then it messes with my brain in all sorts of ways that are not so good. Like lowering my inhibitions to the point of embarrassment at best and aggression at worst.
It slows to the point of paralyzing my higher thinking facilities, making for poor judgement at best, recklessness at worst.
It interferes so much with my brain chemistry, that I cannot even form memories of what I have been up to (ie blackouts)
It even messes up my motor functions. There is not a part of my brain or body this chemical doesn't mess with. Even though we are conditioned from being tiny as seeing alcohol as socially acceptable, the tiny doses "recommended" on the packaging come nowhere near giving the effect that a vast number of people drink it for.
Think of it as the neurotoxin it is.
I wish you the best
It's not as all powerful as you think...YOU are.
It slows to the point of paralyzing my higher thinking facilities, making for poor judgement at best, recklessness at worst.
It interferes so much with my brain chemistry, that I cannot even form memories of what I have been up to (ie blackouts)
It even messes up my motor functions. There is not a part of my brain or body this chemical doesn't mess with. Even though we are conditioned from being tiny as seeing alcohol as socially acceptable, the tiny doses "recommended" on the packaging come nowhere near giving the effect that a vast number of people drink it for.
Think of it as the neurotoxin it is.
I wish you the best
It's not as all powerful as you think...YOU are.Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Welcome, I'm glad you found us. Blackouts are very scary. I experienced blackouts during the last of my drinking days and they are horrible to experience. Those hours you lose are gone from your memory because, in fact, your brain doesn't make a memory when you're in blackout, and they will never come back to you. I hope you decide to stop drinking and that you join us in recovery.
Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? I think you might relate to it as you talked about alcohol being your friend and your enemy.
Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? I think you might relate to it as you talked about alcohol being your friend and your enemy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Anna 
Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? I think you might relate to it as you talked about alcohol being your friend and your enemy.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 67
Hey and welcome and congrats on posting - it takes courage to say you’ve got a problem - even on an anonymous forum!
You sound like you’re in the same place that I was for many years until 20+ months ago. My resolve not to drink the next day lasted for about 30 minutes each morning (or afternoon whenever I came to)
I couldn’t picture life without alcohol either. But now it’s the opposite - I can’t picture the future with alcohol.
it sounds so simple but it really does start with not drinking for an hour, then two then it’s a day then it’s a week... it can be tough in the beginning and the mind will play tricks to convince you to drink.
but it really is worth it.
you’ll find so much advice here - absorb as much as you can and choose what suits.
tomortow will be day 2!!!
You sound like you’re in the same place that I was for many years until 20+ months ago. My resolve not to drink the next day lasted for about 30 minutes each morning (or afternoon whenever I came to)
I couldn’t picture life without alcohol either. But now it’s the opposite - I can’t picture the future with alcohol.
it sounds so simple but it really does start with not drinking for an hour, then two then it’s a day then it’s a week... it can be tough in the beginning and the mind will play tricks to convince you to drink.
but it really is worth it.
you’ll find so much advice here - absorb as much as you can and choose what suits.
tomortow will be day 2!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Yep, the brain can't form memories after too much alcohol. That part of the brain shuts down for a bit. I sober up and start to kind of remember things, but not really sure. I usually get an idea about where I was. No clue what I was speaking about to a random person.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Hi G3 - I'm so glad you're here!
I was in exactly the same state when I found SR. To know I wasn't alone anymore meant everything. No one else in my life understood.
I drank for decades - always vowing to cut down or only drink on weekends, etc., etc. We know how that works out. Once that first drink was in my system anything could happen. Because I never seriously tried to quit I ended up drinking all day, every day. People were so disappointed in me - I was disgusted with myself - it was quit or die at that point. Being here and talking things over helped me find the courage & strength to let go of my constant companion alcohol. Once I got past the resentment & anger over having to quit - I was thrilled to be free. Yes, there's an adjustment period & you'll feel disoriented for a while - but it will all be worth it when you can trust yourself again & never have to worry about what you said or did the day before. It was a horrible way to live. No more!
I was in exactly the same state when I found SR. To know I wasn't alone anymore meant everything. No one else in my life understood.
I drank for decades - always vowing to cut down or only drink on weekends, etc., etc. We know how that works out. Once that first drink was in my system anything could happen. Because I never seriously tried to quit I ended up drinking all day, every day. People were so disappointed in me - I was disgusted with myself - it was quit or die at that point. Being here and talking things over helped me find the courage & strength to let go of my constant companion alcohol. Once I got past the resentment & anger over having to quit - I was thrilled to be free. Yes, there's an adjustment period & you'll feel disoriented for a while - but it will all be worth it when you can trust yourself again & never have to worry about what you said or did the day before. It was a horrible way to live. No more!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
Sounds like you’re at the point where you have acquired the knowledge about the reality of you and drinking alcohol I.e- all or nothing.
The next stage for me was to accept myself as an alcoholic and then get working a recovery program from alcoholism. AA is great as is SR.
The next stage for me was to accept myself as an alcoholic and then get working a recovery program from alcoholism. AA is great as is SR.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by G3tW3ll
Hi all,
....There's no point in telling myself that I can still drink but will to just try cut down, because it is all or nothing with me and once I start drinking I don't know when to stop!
Yesterday morning I awoke with a hangover, so in order to cope with the hangover and to take the edge off, I started drinking beer at 9.30am. I lost the whole day, I woke up to texts I don't remember sending and bruises on my body which then alerted me to a very vague memory of going out to buy some junk food and falling over to gasps from people around me.
xxx
....There's no point in telling myself that I can still drink but will to just try cut down, because it is all or nothing with me and once I start drinking I don't know when to stop!
Yesterday morning I awoke with a hangover, so in order to cope with the hangover and to take the edge off, I started drinking beer at 9.30am. I lost the whole day, I woke up to texts I don't remember sending and bruises on my body which then alerted me to a very vague memory of going out to buy some junk food and falling over to gasps from people around me.
xxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by G3tW3ll
Today I have promised not to drink and to try and see how many days I can go without alcohol, because I drink everyday. ... I see it as my best friend, which is wrong because it is my enemy, or I am my own worst enemy actually when I drink so I have to try to say goodbye to my "friend"!
But - just like with any other relationship - eventually we move on and get over it. It's all a process. Once you start the process by stopping drinking, the rest is there that you still have to confront and acknowledge. Life is not easy - with or without alcohol. It's just not. But life without alcohol offers clarity, energy, and feelings of confidence, worth and optimism.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
https://youtu.be/fIbAn16mqlI
This is pretty old school. When I first saw it I thought what in the world is a priest going to tell me about alcoholism. It changed the way i look at step 1.
It has nothing to do with religion. Its not some Bible thumper spam.
This is pretty old school. When I first saw it I thought what in the world is a priest going to tell me about alcoholism. It changed the way i look at step 1.
It has nothing to do with religion. Its not some Bible thumper spam.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
It only gets worse and worse. Eventually, everyone just gave up on me.
He is a big fat degenerate drunk. Nothing can stop him. He will just drink himself to death.
I couldn't quit until my physical and mental state were so horrid that I had to accept that I needed to tough up and quit.
When someone here told me about kindling, I knew I was done drinking forever.
The brain damage is permanent. Relapsing after 1 day, 10 days, 10 months, or 10 years picks me up right where I left off.
Even folks that are young have the same issue, it is just that the body/mind can take more abuse at a young age.
As I got older, I didn't recover completely. I am still recovering from my last binge....5 years ago.
Drinking is addiction. Nothing glamorous or cool. Same as crack, but booze is legal.
Since pot has become legal, I see a lot more reckless drivers on the road. They carelessly weave through traffic at higher rates of speed then before.
They don't swerve like a drunk, they just seem to not care that they are a road hazard. They drive like they are stoned. Welcome to the new wave of crashes. The laid back reckless driver. Sad. Be careful folks....
Anyway...
We were never intended to be high on booze or pot. Ingesting these things alters us and causes the addiction.
Suffering is the only way out. The addiction tricks folks into thinking quitting is easy at first, but really quitting is difficult, for different reasons, at any stage of addiction.
We here are lucky to have this knowledge. This place has gotten me this far.
Thanks for the therapy.
He is a big fat degenerate drunk. Nothing can stop him. He will just drink himself to death.
I couldn't quit until my physical and mental state were so horrid that I had to accept that I needed to tough up and quit.
When someone here told me about kindling, I knew I was done drinking forever.
The brain damage is permanent. Relapsing after 1 day, 10 days, 10 months, or 10 years picks me up right where I left off.
Even folks that are young have the same issue, it is just that the body/mind can take more abuse at a young age.
As I got older, I didn't recover completely. I am still recovering from my last binge....5 years ago.
Drinking is addiction. Nothing glamorous or cool. Same as crack, but booze is legal.
Since pot has become legal, I see a lot more reckless drivers on the road. They carelessly weave through traffic at higher rates of speed then before.
They don't swerve like a drunk, they just seem to not care that they are a road hazard. They drive like they are stoned. Welcome to the new wave of crashes. The laid back reckless driver. Sad. Be careful folks....
Anyway...
We were never intended to be high on booze or pot. Ingesting these things alters us and causes the addiction.
Suffering is the only way out. The addiction tricks folks into thinking quitting is easy at first, but really quitting is difficult, for different reasons, at any stage of addiction.
We here are lucky to have this knowledge. This place has gotten me this far.
Thanks for the therapy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,572
Welcome G3tWll.
I can relate to each every post here, including your own. The blackouts. The falling. The gasps from onlookers. Such an awful way to live. I don't live like that any longer. Thank goodness.
I'm 8 months sober - 9 months soon It really is so much better G3tW11. I hope you get on board.
I can relate to each every post here, including your own. The blackouts. The falling. The gasps from onlookers. Such an awful way to live. I don't live like that any longer. Thank goodness.
I'm 8 months sober - 9 months soon
It really is so much better G3tW11. I hope you get on board.
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