I really need support...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
I really need support...
I AM NOT ASKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS OR MEDICAL ADVICE!
I'm just sharing what I did and what I've been experiencing since. I'm hoping to just get support and encouragement, especially from those who have maybe done something similar or had similar experiences.
I had a little bit of anxious tendencies once in a while before I started drinking and one panic attack years ago, although there was good reason for it. Mostly just drank because of stressors(stay at home mom to 3 young kids and living 1000 miles from my mom and family). Drank for 4 years, no anxiety during that time. Progressively got heavier. Quit cold turkey at home May 2nd. Insomnia, shakes, sweating and high anxiety. I was still functional.
Drove 16 hours to visit my mom on June 6th, 2020. Anxiety wasn't too bad during the drive but when I got there(about a month after I quit drinking)the anxiety and bad moods were starting to come again mildly. I started lexapro. While starting lexapro I did slip and drank a few times. I had maybe 4 normal days and then 3 weeks in I had my first intrusive thought on fathers day which triggered anxiety. Within 3 days my mind was over run with anxiety, intrusive thoughts and fear. All this was like maybe within a week of my last drink. I was in the ER within 3 days with a high BP. By a month on the lexapro I had to quit that cold turkey.
I cut my visit short and had to drive home because the anxiety was too much. I don't know how I made it home. After going off the medication I believe I had all the physical symptoms of withdrawal. Intrusive terrifying thoughts, throwing up, 25lb weightloss, panic attacks, nausea, dizzyness, diarrhea, tremors, racing heart. Also high anxiety, nightmares, headaches, disturbed sleep waking up early from anxiety but overall the sleep is better because I was waking up throughout the night, muscle rigidity, hot and cold sweaty chills, rigid repetitive thinking and the inability to concentrate on anything but my situation, inability to really feel any pleasure or good feelings which is definitely not normal for me and there were a handful of times that I felt really depressed. Can't really focus on anything else still. I also am now very sensitive to food, mainly refined sugar and caffeine because it makes my anxiety worse which was never a problem prior, I'm extremely hypersensitive to my thoughts and stress. You name it, I had/have it.
So here I am, less than 2 and a half months since my last drink, and my last dose of lexapro was June 30th. I don't have the nightmares anymore, I'm not throwing up, I don't have tremors, the scary thoughts have gone away for the most part, I'm not too dizzy often, no more chills, I'm getting physically stronger but I do still have a slight tremble in my hands mostly and if I bend down to pick something up I can still feel the muscle rigidity, no racing heart unless the anxiety gets going. Thats where I am now. I'm still dealing with extremely high anxiety all day with short periods of feeling normal again every once in a while, and waves of anxiety attacks all day long. I wouldn't say panic attack because they don't really cause physical symptoms but its a more gradual build up, peaks at like 3 days and then dissipates over a couple days and I get a relief for a day or 2 and it starts over again. I've already been to an addiction doctor who thinks its alcohol related and protracted withdrawal and that the lexapro definitely didn't help. I'm still self diagnosing which is dangerous and then panicking over it, I guess because "post acute withdrawal mimics affective disorders"...and so the seed was planted. My quality of life has gone from a 9 to a 1 in this last 2 months but I'm holding on because I'm on an incline and not a decline but it's scary not knowing for a fact what is happening.
Just sharing my story...hoping to connect with anyone who has done something similar or has been through what I'm experiencing and actually survived it. Lol
I'm just sharing what I did and what I've been experiencing since. I'm hoping to just get support and encouragement, especially from those who have maybe done something similar or had similar experiences.
I had a little bit of anxious tendencies once in a while before I started drinking and one panic attack years ago, although there was good reason for it. Mostly just drank because of stressors(stay at home mom to 3 young kids and living 1000 miles from my mom and family). Drank for 4 years, no anxiety during that time. Progressively got heavier. Quit cold turkey at home May 2nd. Insomnia, shakes, sweating and high anxiety. I was still functional.
Drove 16 hours to visit my mom on June 6th, 2020. Anxiety wasn't too bad during the drive but when I got there(about a month after I quit drinking)the anxiety and bad moods were starting to come again mildly. I started lexapro. While starting lexapro I did slip and drank a few times. I had maybe 4 normal days and then 3 weeks in I had my first intrusive thought on fathers day which triggered anxiety. Within 3 days my mind was over run with anxiety, intrusive thoughts and fear. All this was like maybe within a week of my last drink. I was in the ER within 3 days with a high BP. By a month on the lexapro I had to quit that cold turkey.
I cut my visit short and had to drive home because the anxiety was too much. I don't know how I made it home. After going off the medication I believe I had all the physical symptoms of withdrawal. Intrusive terrifying thoughts, throwing up, 25lb weightloss, panic attacks, nausea, dizzyness, diarrhea, tremors, racing heart. Also high anxiety, nightmares, headaches, disturbed sleep waking up early from anxiety but overall the sleep is better because I was waking up throughout the night, muscle rigidity, hot and cold sweaty chills, rigid repetitive thinking and the inability to concentrate on anything but my situation, inability to really feel any pleasure or good feelings which is definitely not normal for me and there were a handful of times that I felt really depressed. Can't really focus on anything else still. I also am now very sensitive to food, mainly refined sugar and caffeine because it makes my anxiety worse which was never a problem prior, I'm extremely hypersensitive to my thoughts and stress. You name it, I had/have it.
So here I am, less than 2 and a half months since my last drink, and my last dose of lexapro was June 30th. I don't have the nightmares anymore, I'm not throwing up, I don't have tremors, the scary thoughts have gone away for the most part, I'm not too dizzy often, no more chills, I'm getting physically stronger but I do still have a slight tremble in my hands mostly and if I bend down to pick something up I can still feel the muscle rigidity, no racing heart unless the anxiety gets going. Thats where I am now. I'm still dealing with extremely high anxiety all day with short periods of feeling normal again every once in a while, and waves of anxiety attacks all day long. I wouldn't say panic attack because they don't really cause physical symptoms but its a more gradual build up, peaks at like 3 days and then dissipates over a couple days and I get a relief for a day or 2 and it starts over again. I've already been to an addiction doctor who thinks its alcohol related and protracted withdrawal and that the lexapro definitely didn't help. I'm still self diagnosing which is dangerous and then panicking over it, I guess because "post acute withdrawal mimics affective disorders"...and so the seed was planted. My quality of life has gone from a 9 to a 1 in this last 2 months but I'm holding on because I'm on an incline and not a decline but it's scary not knowing for a fact what is happening.
Just sharing my story...hoping to connect with anyone who has done something similar or has been through what I'm experiencing and actually survived it. Lol
Erica375
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: MA
Posts: 493
Hi, RAB!
Sounds like you're having a tough time. I commend you for hanging on-- GREAT JOB!!!
I've been on numerous antidepressants (currently Celexa). I do remember one had awful withdrawal symptoms. Maybe it was Lexapro. Definitely had the gastrointestinal upset and I remember getting huge bruises in my arms and legs for no apparent reason.
It sounds like you have medical care, which is good. Have you told your doc what's going on and how you're suffering? I know some people don't like to take medication, but maybe you can talk to your doc about the anxiety and the muscle issues.
I hope you are able to get some relief. Keep working on your sobriety because, as we all know, alcohol never helps these situations. Stay strong!
I've been on numerous antidepressants (currently Celexa). I do remember one had awful withdrawal symptoms. Maybe it was Lexapro. Definitely had the gastrointestinal upset and I remember getting huge bruises in my arms and legs for no apparent reason.
It sounds like you have medical care, which is good. Have you told your doc what's going on and how you're suffering? I know some people don't like to take medication, but maybe you can talk to your doc about the anxiety and the muscle issues.
I hope you are able to get some relief. Keep working on your sobriety because, as we all know, alcohol never helps these situations. Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I think a lot of us have gone through similar.
Stay the course. I didn't feel "normal" for almost a year and had to fight anxiety and the physical symptoms you describe too.
I decided not to take any meds. I've been prescribed lots of different meds over the years and the side effects are not worth it to me. My body and mind now work the way they are supposed to - BUT I did a lot of inner work on mindfulness, boundaries, forgiving (myself and others,) anger, letting go, trust, etc. It takes time to sort it out. I exercised almost daily, ate well and got sufficient sleep.
I even have a sticky note in the kitchen that hits the high points, "Eat, Sleep, Move."
Stay the course. I didn't feel "normal" for almost a year and had to fight anxiety and the physical symptoms you describe too.
I decided not to take any meds. I've been prescribed lots of different meds over the years and the side effects are not worth it to me. My body and mind now work the way they are supposed to - BUT I did a lot of inner work on mindfulness, boundaries, forgiving (myself and others,) anger, letting go, trust, etc. It takes time to sort it out. I exercised almost daily, ate well and got sufficient sleep.
I even have a sticky note in the kitchen that hits the high points, "Eat, Sleep, Move."
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Both my wife and I take an antidepressant. It literally took years to figure out the right medication and dose. I hope you have a doctor you trust. I also find that being active on SoberRecovery as well as going to AA meetings helps my attitude.
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
I just want to say that I have been in the same situation as you, I think probably a lot of people here have gone through similar things. I have anxiety disorder and have been on numerous different medications with varying levels of success. One of them, Duloxetine or Cymbalta as it is also known made me so ill I couldn't function, coming off it was even worse and lasted for months. I take Mirtazapine now, which I have had pretty much no side effects from, and it helps me to sleep.
As others have said, it may be worth emphasising to your doc how much you are struggling at the moment, I'm sure there are things they could do to help which they could discuss with you. I have had to get assertive with some of mine on occasion as I think (particularly GPs) they sometimes don't realise how difficult it can be to get through a particularly tough period with anxiety when everything feels like it's piling on top of you.
Hang on in there, I really hope things start to improve for you soon.
As others have said, it may be worth emphasising to your doc how much you are struggling at the moment, I'm sure there are things they could do to help which they could discuss with you. I have had to get assertive with some of mine on occasion as I think (particularly GPs) they sometimes don't realise how difficult it can be to get through a particularly tough period with anxiety when everything feels like it's piling on top of you.
Hang on in there, I really hope things start to improve for you soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
Thanks...I don't know if this is an anxiety disorder or protracted withdrawal. I don't really know how anxiety disorders work. I'm gradually getting better very, very slowly but I'm still dealing with the waves of extreme anxiety. This hasn't happened to me before
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I think there comes a point for all heavy drinkers when the damage (adaptation) in the nervous system and brain reach a tipping point.
I didn't have panic attacks, till I did.
I didn't have withdrawals. Till I did.
You'll get through it. It took a whole lot longer than I wanted it to, but it did get better. There is a lot of reading material, keep seeking.
I didn't have panic attacks, till I did.
I didn't have withdrawals. Till I did.
You'll get through it. It took a whole lot longer than I wanted it to, but it did get better. There is a lot of reading material, keep seeking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I think there comes a point for all heavy drinkers when the damage (adaptation) in the nervous system and brain reach a tipping point.
I didn't have panic attacks, till I did.
I didn't have withdrawals. Till I did.
You'll get through it. It took a whole lot longer than I wanted it to, but it did get better. There is a lot of reading material, keep seeking.
I didn't have panic attacks, till I did.
I didn't have withdrawals. Till I did.
You'll get through it. It took a whole lot longer than I wanted it to, but it did get better. There is a lot of reading material, keep seeking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by RAB12345
I'm very hypersensitive to everything and the way I took that is that you're saying I won't get better. Then you said you had bad anxiety too and it improved over time and abstinence. I might be reading that wrong but that's why I wanted to respond and ask. And, the anxiety attacks didn't staft when i was drinking. They started after I stopped.
To be more clear (I hope?) You can do some reading about what happens to the nervous system with alcohol dependency. When the sedative effect of alcohol is gone, the adaptation remains. The nervous system is on High Alert, trying to find balance.
Balance will come. There is a healing process to recover the normal function. You will get better. Damage WAS done, but it will heal and balance will return.
Just stay sober and be patient.
You can start with these excerpts from, "Under the Influence," but definitely do some research into neuroplasticity and adaptation. You will get better.
TIME as TomSteve used to say. Things I Must Earn.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence")
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Hello RAB,
I don’t have experience with medication, but I have plenty with anxiety. Now sober, I realize I drank to treat my anxiety for years. It was only after I sobered up that I understood how much alcohol use contributed to the anxiety I was experiencing. Much has resolved, but a great deal remains.
Vigorous exercise is how I cope. My triggers are family interactions and public speaking, both of which I can’t avoid, so I prepare for these as much as possible. Wearing myself out before and after events helps to settle and refocus my mind.
Just being sober doesn't treat my underlying issue, so I have to put conscious thought into management to keep myself as comfortable as possible. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I have to seek out and do things that manage those extremely uncomfortable feelings when they arise. And I only understood the extent of my underlying problem after getting sober.
Hope you feel better soon!
-bora
I don’t have experience with medication, but I have plenty with anxiety. Now sober, I realize I drank to treat my anxiety for years. It was only after I sobered up that I understood how much alcohol use contributed to the anxiety I was experiencing. Much has resolved, but a great deal remains.
Vigorous exercise is how I cope. My triggers are family interactions and public speaking, both of which I can’t avoid, so I prepare for these as much as possible. Wearing myself out before and after events helps to settle and refocus my mind.
Just being sober doesn't treat my underlying issue, so I have to put conscious thought into management to keep myself as comfortable as possible. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I have to seek out and do things that manage those extremely uncomfortable feelings when they arise. And I only understood the extent of my underlying problem after getting sober.
Hope you feel better soon!
-bora
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Anxiety can do a lot to us especially when we are self diagnosing. It’s hard not to though with all the information available to us these days. But for the sake of my sanity I had to back off from doing that. The good thing is we can choose where we put our attention.
I have done a lot of reading on how my brain works in regards to thoughts creating anxiety and that has really helped me understand things better.
You’re still in early days yet so give it time. I’m 8 months sober and still things are changing constantly. Sobriety is a way of life and takes time but is very much worth the effort.
sending positive vibes your way.
I have done a lot of reading on how my brain works in regards to thoughts creating anxiety and that has really helped me understand things better.
You’re still in early days yet so give it time. I’m 8 months sober and still things are changing constantly. Sobriety is a way of life and takes time but is very much worth the effort.
sending positive vibes your way.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
I am in a very similar situation. A couple years ago my parents moved 3500km away. They just moved again and now are only about 1350km away.
I am on pills for anxiety but I'm always anxious anyways, but when I drink it gets SO MUCH worse.
just another reason why it's worth it to not drink.
I feel for you, going through this.
I am on pills for anxiety but I'm always anxious anyways, but when I drink it gets SO MUCH worse.
just another reason why it's worth it to not drink.
I feel for you, going through this.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi RAB, I'm sorry that you're struggling with anxiety so much. First off, I wanted to say, I take an antidepressant and have been told consistently to not stop taking it cold turkey. I think it can be dangerous to stop antidepressants suddenly, though I don't know specifically about Lexapro. Have you talked to your doctor about that?
I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit better. I have found some helpful ways to manage my anxiety, though sometimes it blindsides me. "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett helped me a lot.
I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit better. I have found some helpful ways to manage my anxiety, though sometimes it blindsides me. "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett helped me a lot.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
I agree with doc who says it's protracted withdrawal. In my experience, I felt like this at about 2 months of sobriety. I have almost 10 years now, so you can get through it, if you stop drinking completely. One drink can reset our entire sobriety....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,539
From my experience PAWS from benzo's and anti-depressants is FAR different from PAWS related to alcohol. It is a hell you have never known until you have lived it. And I know it's not a comp. I cannot put here the impact on my body and mind. My entire cns. Simply and not adequately put, a bad LSD trip over a very long time. Wished for death many times.
Please don't tell me it was removal of alcohol, it was not this that bent my brain to near oblivion. It was benzo's and antidepressants. Am so glad I have stopped drinking though.
You sound to be making some progress RAB. Some people make it out in shorter times than others, but I can tell you are still suffering. It will get better.
It really is all about Time, and it does get better. It's happening for me now RAB, but it's taken 19 months. This may not be the case for you.
Be really gentle with yourself, and do stay hydrated. ❤️
This does not imply that withdrawal from alcohol can be a terrible thing indeed.
Please don't tell me it was removal of alcohol, it was not this that bent my brain to near oblivion. It was benzo's and antidepressants. Am so glad I have stopped drinking though.
You sound to be making some progress RAB. Some people make it out in shorter times than others, but I can tell you are still suffering. It will get better.
It really is all about Time, and it does get better. It's happening for me now RAB, but it's taken 19 months. This may not be the case for you.
Be really gentle with yourself, and do stay hydrated. ❤️
This does not imply that withdrawal from alcohol can be a terrible thing indeed.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Anna
Hi RAB, I'm sorry that you're struggling with anxiety so much. First off, I wanted to say, I take an antidepressant and have been told consistently to not stop taking it cold turkey. I think it can be dangerous to stop antidepressants suddenly, though I don't know specifically about Lexapro. Have you talked to your doctor about that?
I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit better. I have found some helpful ways to manage my anxiety, though sometimes it blindsides me. "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett helped me a lot.
I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit better. I have found some helpful ways to manage my anxiety, though sometimes it blindsides me. "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett helped me a lot.
Yes.. I do know that you're not supposed to stop them but I was told by my aunt who is a NP that since I was only on them 1 month I could stop it immediately because I was starting to have intrusive scary thoughts.
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