This sucks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
This sucks.
Hi everyone.
I'm almost 2 and a half months sober after 4 years of drinking pretty heavily, 3, sometimes 4 days a week. I quit May 2nd and had a slip up in mid June. I think I drank on 3 occasions between the 15th-18th because I was visiting family and they all drink. I just have to express my disappointment with the therapist I see now(who works in an addiction treatment clinic). I've always been more of an anxious person but I wouldn't say I have GAD because it never ruined my day to day life and definitely have never had anxiety for over 6 weeks. I've always been a rather content person(besides when I've had adverse reactions to meds but thats another story lol)
So since I've stopped drinking, my anxiety has become so bad that it's hard to function as a normal person and get through day to day. In the beginning it was crippling. Throwing up, panic attacks, tremors, intrusive thoughts and all that fun stuff. These mood swings would come and go by the hour, all day long. A lot of times these come in waves of really severe anxiety and sort of dissipate into regular, bad anxiety. The wheels won't stop turning in my head. Day in and day out I'm repetitively thinking about this crap. It's coming in waves still but I notice the anxiety, while it's severe, isnt really making me throw up anymore and I wouldn't say it's a full blown panic attack. My thoughts are mostly irrational I think. It's helped me to go to AA and sit with the old timers who claim that they know exactly where I am in my head right now, because they were there at one time themselves. The addiction doctor as well as my psychiatrist told me this seems to be alcohol related as I'm in early recovery. I don't doubt that I'm normally a more anxious person from time to time and that it's really exacerbating this recovery, or PAWS, or whatever it is I'm experiencing, but the therapist hasn't once said anything like "yeah this is pretty normal in early recovery" and instead thinks that I have more anxiety than I think I have. It doesn't matter how many times I say "yeah but you don't understand, i just quit drinking cold turkey 2.5 months ago. This isn't normal, this is not my normal amount of anxiety, this is on a level I didn't know possible!." I'm almost 32 and I've never been crippled by anxiety before quitting and she just doesn't really seem to grasp that. Anyways...I just wanted to vent.
It seems like you cannot make anyone understand what you're going through who hasn't been through it themselves. I'll tell you though...I would not want to go back to a month ago. I was so debilitated by the panic I don't even think I was making sense.
I'm almost 2 and a half months sober after 4 years of drinking pretty heavily, 3, sometimes 4 days a week. I quit May 2nd and had a slip up in mid June. I think I drank on 3 occasions between the 15th-18th because I was visiting family and they all drink. I just have to express my disappointment with the therapist I see now(who works in an addiction treatment clinic). I've always been more of an anxious person but I wouldn't say I have GAD because it never ruined my day to day life and definitely have never had anxiety for over 6 weeks. I've always been a rather content person(besides when I've had adverse reactions to meds but thats another story lol)
So since I've stopped drinking, my anxiety has become so bad that it's hard to function as a normal person and get through day to day. In the beginning it was crippling. Throwing up, panic attacks, tremors, intrusive thoughts and all that fun stuff. These mood swings would come and go by the hour, all day long. A lot of times these come in waves of really severe anxiety and sort of dissipate into regular, bad anxiety. The wheels won't stop turning in my head. Day in and day out I'm repetitively thinking about this crap. It's coming in waves still but I notice the anxiety, while it's severe, isnt really making me throw up anymore and I wouldn't say it's a full blown panic attack. My thoughts are mostly irrational I think. It's helped me to go to AA and sit with the old timers who claim that they know exactly where I am in my head right now, because they were there at one time themselves. The addiction doctor as well as my psychiatrist told me this seems to be alcohol related as I'm in early recovery. I don't doubt that I'm normally a more anxious person from time to time and that it's really exacerbating this recovery, or PAWS, or whatever it is I'm experiencing, but the therapist hasn't once said anything like "yeah this is pretty normal in early recovery" and instead thinks that I have more anxiety than I think I have. It doesn't matter how many times I say "yeah but you don't understand, i just quit drinking cold turkey 2.5 months ago. This isn't normal, this is not my normal amount of anxiety, this is on a level I didn't know possible!." I'm almost 32 and I've never been crippled by anxiety before quitting and she just doesn't really seem to grasp that. Anyways...I just wanted to vent.
It seems like you cannot make anyone understand what you're going through who hasn't been through it themselves. I'll tell you though...I would not want to go back to a month ago. I was so debilitated by the panic I don't even think I was making sense.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome and congratulations on 2 1/2 months of sobriety.
I think it could be both. I had terrible anxiety/panic attacks in early recovery and I think many people experience increased anxiety in early recovery. But, it could be that your anxiety is worse than you thought. You were 'self-medicating' with alcohol which might have eased your anxiety somewhat. For me, alcohol worsened my anxiety. I think you will find that your anxiety decreases as you move through recovery. If you're interested in learning more about anxiety and healthy ways to manage it, here are some books that could be helpful:
Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power
Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks
Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You
Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself
Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety
I think it could be both. I had terrible anxiety/panic attacks in early recovery and I think many people experience increased anxiety in early recovery. But, it could be that your anxiety is worse than you thought. You were 'self-medicating' with alcohol which might have eased your anxiety somewhat. For me, alcohol worsened my anxiety. I think you will find that your anxiety decreases as you move through recovery. If you're interested in learning more about anxiety and healthy ways to manage it, here are some books that could be helpful:
Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power
Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks
Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You
Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself
Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
You’re learning how to live without alcohol and that’s not easy. . It’s a huge change. When I was drinking, just the thought of having it would calm my anxiety.
with sobriety, that crutch is removed. And as time goes on we become more and more aware that we are left to learn new ways of coping.
I’ve dealt with pretty bad anticipation anxiety my whole life and what worked best for me was self help reading. I had to learn about how my thoughts and beliefs was causing the anxiety. It looks like Anna has posted some good reads.
with sobriety, that crutch is removed. And as time goes on we become more and more aware that we are left to learn new ways of coping.
I’ve dealt with pretty bad anticipation anxiety my whole life and what worked best for me was self help reading. I had to learn about how my thoughts and beliefs was causing the anxiety. It looks like Anna has posted some good reads.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Hello,
Two and a half months isn't long. Your brain isn't used to being unsaturated with alcohol. Try avoiding doing the things that cause you panic. That's what I had to do. I was six months sober yesterday and I still have my groceries delivered because I still can't bear going to the grocery store.
Hang in there. Nothing stays the same forever.
Two and a half months isn't long. Your brain isn't used to being unsaturated with alcohol. Try avoiding doing the things that cause you panic. That's what I had to do. I was six months sober yesterday and I still have my groceries delivered because I still can't bear going to the grocery store.
Hang in there. Nothing stays the same forever.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
Yeah...I know I have always had anxious tendencies but this is different. I never had a panic attack prior to drinking or during drinking. I never had ruminating thoughts. I was able to live life like a normal person and cook dinners and clean the house and take care of my kids. This all started after I quit. I think my normal level of anxiousness is exacerbating the recovery. I drank from stress. I take care of 3 kids and my husband is almost never home. I don't really connect with the drinking to ease the anxiety because it wasn't that bad. Either way, I've started seeing a therapist who is going to teach me CBT techniques I can use for my recovery and after. It's hard at this stage to say wether it's simply alcohol emotional withdrawal or a disorder, because emotional withdrawal mimics several disorders.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Well, this is troubling: My therapist thinks that I have more anxiety than I think I have.
What? That doesn't make one lick of sense to me. How can any other person assess your own anxiety?
I'd say find yourself a new therapist and psychiatrist. Seriously.
Preferably folks who specialize in dual diagnosis.
And also let me be the first to say, "Yeah, this is pretty normal in early sobriety" - at least it was for me. I'd been putting the damper on all of that anxiety with liquor, so coming out of that I needed to face my problems that stemmed from a time before alcohol was a problem for me. I needed to figure out a way to deal with that stuff, and it sure wasn't taking up painting or needlepoint or whatever - because my anxiety does not lessen with distraction.
I've got another suggestion for reading: Lance Dodes The Heart of Addiction explained the compulsive/addictive use of substances as "treatment" for underlying problems in a way that had me jumping with joy that someone understood and validated my experience.
O
What? That doesn't make one lick of sense to me. How can any other person assess your own anxiety?
I'd say find yourself a new therapist and psychiatrist. Seriously.
Preferably folks who specialize in dual diagnosis.
And also let me be the first to say, "Yeah, this is pretty normal in early sobriety" - at least it was for me. I'd been putting the damper on all of that anxiety with liquor, so coming out of that I needed to face my problems that stemmed from a time before alcohol was a problem for me. I needed to figure out a way to deal with that stuff, and it sure wasn't taking up painting or needlepoint or whatever - because my anxiety does not lessen with distraction.
I've got another suggestion for reading: Lance Dodes The Heart of Addiction explained the compulsive/addictive use of substances as "treatment" for underlying problems in a way that had me jumping with joy that someone understood and validated my experience.
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
Obladi,
I completely agree. I know what my normal anxiety level is. Its very very mild and situational. I'm literally drawing a line between early recovery anxiety and the real me. I'm 2.5 months in, and from what I've read, panic attacks and severe anxiety are pretty normal for the first year. Caffeine, sugar and sweets never affected me UNTIL I quit drinking. I'm also hypersensitive to literally everything people say and I'm analyzing everything and obsessively thinking about my anxiety. I have NEVER done this before. Once again, only after I stopped drinking cold turkey this started. I should mention that I also had to go off my AD cold turkey after a month because of adverse effects. I don't like when people say "you must have more anxiety than you think"...no...i went cold turkey off of lexapro, caffeine, alcohol and sugar. I'm also improving very very slowly, not getting worse...but I won't tell you that in a wave of panic lol
I completely agree. I know what my normal anxiety level is. Its very very mild and situational. I'm literally drawing a line between early recovery anxiety and the real me. I'm 2.5 months in, and from what I've read, panic attacks and severe anxiety are pretty normal for the first year. Caffeine, sugar and sweets never affected me UNTIL I quit drinking. I'm also hypersensitive to literally everything people say and I'm analyzing everything and obsessively thinking about my anxiety. I have NEVER done this before. Once again, only after I stopped drinking cold turkey this started. I should mention that I also had to go off my AD cold turkey after a month because of adverse effects. I don't like when people say "you must have more anxiety than you think"...no...i went cold turkey off of lexapro, caffeine, alcohol and sugar. I'm also improving very very slowly, not getting worse...but I won't tell you that in a wave of panic lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 320
What you are experiencing is completely normal based on my experience. I drank heavily for more years, but 4 years is long enough to mess with your head chemistry. I remember in my early days talking non-stop to my friend at the beach for hours. It's a stream of thought/emotion.
You will be alright. Your brain will re-calibrate. It won't be fun and you may want to look for hobbies that are able to distract you: video games, youtube, binge watching and, best of all, exercise.
You will be alright. Your brain will re-calibrate. It won't be fun and you may want to look for hobbies that are able to distract you: video games, youtube, binge watching and, best of all, exercise.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 61
Thank you! I think what keeps the anxiety going is knowing that these waves of severe anxiety will still come regularly for me for some time and I know how desperate I get in the midst of these mood swings. When they go away and don't come back, thats when I'll calm down. I also keep getting stuck in the same thought patterns all day long. Haven't been able to concentrate on any other thing in my life because I have the attention span of a gnat.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,541
I thought same about counsellor saying, "you might have more anxiety than you think you have." Gimme a break, therapist.
I have experienced, and am still experiencing (much lesser degree, now) all the symptoms you describe after quitting benzo's. I'm now 19 months off Valium. Everything is getting so much better, but it has been horrendous. SSRI's also messed with my head, and I ditched them after very short term use.
Both (benzo's and a/d's) it seems, can mess some of us up, and no therapist want to tell me what I was/am experiencing, though many tried. No, it was not "rebound anxiety", it was hell. Gave up trying to explain to doctors. Gave up seeking validation. I just stopped both drugs, and continued to bat. I am so very much improved, though it has taken REAL time.
Just throwing my hat hat into the ring with suggestion you may be experiencing PAWS psychotropics. And then you've got the alcohol on top. Same happened to me, and again, I am now so much better. My heart goes out to you.
Hang in there RAB it really does get better. But, if anything like me, it takes time. It's definitely worth the walk.
This is simply a suggestion.
I have experienced, and am still experiencing (much lesser degree, now) all the symptoms you describe after quitting benzo's. I'm now 19 months off Valium. Everything is getting so much better, but it has been horrendous. SSRI's also messed with my head, and I ditched them after very short term use.
Both (benzo's and a/d's) it seems, can mess some of us up, and no therapist want to tell me what I was/am experiencing, though many tried. No, it was not "rebound anxiety", it was hell. Gave up trying to explain to doctors. Gave up seeking validation. I just stopped both drugs, and continued to bat. I am so very much improved, though it has taken REAL time.
Just throwing my hat hat into the ring with suggestion you may be experiencing PAWS psychotropics. And then you've got the alcohol on top. Same happened to me, and again, I am now so much better. My heart goes out to you.
Hang in there RAB it really does get better. But, if anything like me, it takes time. It's definitely worth the walk.
This is simply a suggestion.
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