Resurgence

On Wednesday, I reached 100 days sober but made the conscious decision to drink.

The cravings and desire to 'test' myself were all-encompassing and I caved.

Intended to have two beers, and of course, had a whole lot more.

I spent all day in bed yesterday and called into work sick.

Feels like I'll never be able to kick this for good, it's so ingrained.

Honestly, I'm tempted to get more beers at lunchtime to take the edge off. Feel so tired and frustrated.

Sober45

Please. Do not buy more. Go back and read your original posts.

You’re at a crossroads here. The point where Some fall back a lot harder then ever before. That does not have to be you.

the buzz you are getting is temporary and doesn’t last. trading in sobriety for a short period of sedation Is only going to lead to misery. The last 100 days is not a loss.

Up to you.

Steely

Please don't buy any more Resurgence. You will take the edge off by drinking lots of water, eating something light, and resting.

After a while 'sobriety' becomes ingrained. So much better than the binge, hair of the dog bs we put ourselves through.

I really hope you dont buy more.

brighterday1234

100 days is a great period of sober time and would have given your body some valuable healing time. Recovery is a way of life and once you totally commit 100% to it then a sober life follows. The reality is that I never saw the point in 2 beers and never would so part of your initial recovery may be to get honest about your relationship with alcohol as it sounds like it didn’t cut it for you either.

Zebra1275

Honestly, I'm tempted to get more beers at lunchtime to take the edge off.

In my experience, that's a bad idea. Sure, it will take the edge off and you will feel better. But then about 5 p.m. the "edge" will be back and you will end up drinking again. And since it's near the end of the day you will probably end up getting drunk.

Tomorrow when you wake up you will be in the same position you are today, and you will want to do the same thing. It's a slippery slope toward 'round the clock, 24 hour drinking.

pattyspaw

100 days is fantastic; I haven't been able to achieve that. And I am feeling the same way as you right now. We can do better if we just don't give up.

biminiblue

~says your addiction.

^^That's a lie, and you know it.

The irritable and discontent was right there, waiting to pounce. You posted about negative feelings just recently...They aren't a reason to drink.

You saw this freight train coming down the track right at you.

Next time, don't play chicken with it. The train WILL run you over if you don't step off the track.

D122y

Thanks for posting your experience.

It is a grim reminder of what is in store for any of us that relapse.

The AV morphs and a "decision" to drink is one of the morps.

My Dad is getting remarried to a women that is 5 years older than me. When he passes in the next 10 or so years, she will take all of the money my Dad has saved in his lifetime, all of the insurance, the house and all of his possessions.

I have 2 sisters that live close to him and that he has supported in various ways since they were born. They would have gotten everything anyway, so in a way I think he did this to spite them.

I am honored that he asked me to be his best man. I want to do him honor at his wedding, but this whole thing is a trigger.

In my drinking days, I would be celebrating/mourning by drinking starting at least by yesterday.

I would be a swollen fat anxious mess.

Instead I am a lean mean fighting machine ready to take on any challenge.

Booze is a highly addictive neuro toxin. I causes irreversible brain damage. The only way out is suffering. I have to put on my big boy pants and suffer.

Thanks.

Anna

Resurgence, I hope you stop drinking now, because things will get worse if you do. You can get back to your recovery.

fini

so you tested yourself.
does the test result show you something you didn't know before?
what do you know now?

LumenandNyx

Hi,

Your drinking is what caused the distress you're currently in.

You have to stop swallowing alcohol. That's the answer.

Hodd

I’m genuinely sorry to hear this, Res. Surely the posts on here have the constant message that drinking again opens the flood gates? I bet now you wish you hadn’t had this 100 day and then drink idea. Now it seems your cravings are back. Try again, please, but why not make it permanent? Take care.

Hevyn

Hi Resurgence. I'm sorry for the painful time you're going through. I've done it too. My experiment forced me to finally admit I'd never have control once it was in my system. One drink would always lead to 10 - and more the next day - into infinity. I know you can kick it, because I kicked it after 30 yrs. Let's get back to sobriety.

least

I relapsed after six months sober and woke up after two days of drinking hating myself and wishing I were dead. The relapse gave me new determination and I am now coming up on 11 yrs sober. Use this relapse to get stronger in your sobriety and make a plan to keep you sober no matter what.

Dee74

Yeah, your AV was pretty persistent, but hopefully you've learned now that nothing good lies back the way we came.

This can be a learning experience - if you want it to be.
I hope you can fins a way to make this last day one Resurgence.

D

BeABetterMan

Another way to look at it is that you have been sober 100 out of the last 101 days. That is a 99.0099% success rate! But you know you're playing with a deadly fire. So put it out.

Resurgence

Thanks to everyone who posted, and to those who read this - my experiment didn't work out.

Wednesday was a binge, followed by three clear days, before drinking four beers yesterday.

The obsession and cravings are back, and my relationship has hit a rough patch.

Teetering on edge again today; really sucks.

C0ntr0ls

Been there done that. It's our choice and no one else's if we drink.

Resurgence

Went to the shop hungover and bought a sandwich and vitamin-packed smoothie instead of alcohol.

The shop is next door to a pub too, so that was quite challenging.

Today is day 1.

ImNotThatGuy

I hate alcohol. Life would be so much easier if it just didn't exist at all.

But it does. We have to figure out a way to keep that AV at bay for good. I haven't figured it out yet.