Vindawgs

HELLO all. Hope everyoneis doing great. I have yet to enjoy a week of mental normalcy. I get a day or 2 of feeling great then get hit with the depressed , anxious and feelings of over all doom for a day or 2. It has gotten much better compared to how I use to feel. Last week I actually felt so good and thought, wow this is what I was waiting for. Then suddenly out of nowhere I got that feeling of doom with the kindling effect as well. It can get so frustrating it throws you off. But I understand that the good days are on the horizon as I've read here from may who have been through the same experience. Wish you all the best and keep keeping on.

D122y

I have permanent brain damage from my decades of drinking. I am 10x better than before and am excited that I still have more normalization ahead of me. As an expert addict, I know that booze is not an answer to anything.

At 11 months I was feeling stronger with fairly alarming PTSD/PAWS (brain damage), but little did I know that at 5 years plus I would still feel PTSD/PAWS.

I use these feelings to remind me that if I relapse I will surely go insane. Certifiable.

I am doing well. Very very well. My attitude and physical strength add to my energy emanations. These emanations are felt by all around me (knowingly or unknowingly). Positive energy creates positive energy.

I try not to be overly happy, I don't want to look like a clown. I don't talk about quitting drinking much. I don't quote the BB. If it comes up, I speak of my situation as a lifestyle change. I was a party animal and now I am a gym rat.

Now that I have this level of awareness I can appreciate goodness and better help/avoid bad situations.

When I was an active addict/at a lower level of recovery, I was not producing this energy naturally and not able to apply the above.

I was not born addicted to booze, it was a learned behavior. It feels amazing to live as I was designed. Allowing my brain and body to perform without being chemically altered is just right.

This place saved my life.

Thanks for the therapy.

Aellyce

I think there is no such thing as absolute, constant mental stability. Some of these fluctuations at >10 months may also just be normal life, not necessarily related to past addiction or PAWS. I'm a few years sober and do experience anxiety, impending doom, and lack of motivation sometimes... quite regularly, in fact. But it's been a long time I have experienced anything resembling a form of bipolar disorder. I have never met anyone who was doing well at all times, even most of the time. Issues with motivation was the most annoying thing for me for a very long time - it's gotten much better, but still far from a flat, high line. I think what really helps is never stopping the work of self-improvement - that effort on its own can generate a sense of success and eliminate low moods sometimes, for me at least.

Khorhey

You need to exercise and eat right. Are you seeing a doctor on a regular basis? If you have fatty liver etc they can help.

My doctor told me to take vitamin e and milk thistle for my liver.

Crappy food will make things tougher IMO. Look into juicing raw vegetables, low fat and low sugar diet.

Vindawgs

Thanks D122. I know exactly what you mean. Trying no to be overly happy when I get that feeling of euphoria which is great sometimes, them what comes after is that feeling of low down in the dumps. Im definitely feeling much better day by day or I should say month by month. It sure is a rough ride and mentally I try my best to stay focused on improvement and of feeling better and motivated. I look have gotten much more energy for the gym which I also used to be a rat before I decided to drop the alcohol. Little did I know what was to come. All the best to you and your recovery.

Steely

I did not experience PAWS with alcohol, but definitely with benzo's (iatrogenic). Most terrible. I'm improving as the days go by and am so grateful that this be the case.

I'm now 8 months and 4 days free from alcohol, and 19 months no benzo's. A worthy journey to be sure.

Well done you.

SoberInCLE

I bet it is just PAWS but see a medical professional if it is really awful (I also had low thyroid). My brain fog got better after seven months but I was wired for a couple years. I would drive down the highway at night and have a cigarette in an attempt to relax. After a couple of years, I started attending in-person secular sobriety meetings and that helped release the tension. Now, even on bad days I often can get clarity.

SoberInCLE

I became a secretary for the Monday meeting and having that sober related activity to do was really satisfying.