ImNotThatGuy

Without going into too much detail, let's just say that I've had an absolutely awful day. It's astounding that I made it through without picking up a drink. A couple weeks ago, I would have been blitzed out of my mind after a day like this and about to collapse into a sweaty, stinky heap. With so much on my mind, sleep probably won't be all that great tonight, but at least I won't be feeling like a 190 lb. bag of doo-doo in the morning.

Couldn't have done it without all you fine folks. So thank you!

least

You can always depend on finding good support here. Glad you got thru an awful day without drinking.

Bekindalways

Heya, congrats on making it through Imnot. It really is an achievement. I always quietly give myself extra points for those kind of days. Just surviving is an accomplishment.

May you sleep better than you expect and have a better one tomorrow.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it through man

D

ImNotThatGuy

Sleep is not happening, as expected. Not withdrawal or anything, just a lot on my mind.

I don't know how much this has to do with my alcoholism, but I'm just in a strange place right now. I feel so incredibly powerless in general, like I'm stuck in a nightmare from which I can't awaken. Today I learned things about the state of the world, not by being on the Internet and reading but by being out in the world and talking to people. It's just so messed up. There's so much bad stuff in the world, so much anger and hatred and greed and lust and fear and so little forgiveness, love, generosity, and courage. Everyone has gone mad. Good people have turned wicked, and the wicked have become even more so, it seems. It's hard to imagine it getting much better any time soon.

And it's not just the world. My own life is messed up as never before, and I just keep running into brick walls any time I try to change anything for the better. I can't find a job. My wife hates me. I have no real friends, at least not nearby, and no way of making friends. I feel like a total failure, like my entire life has amounted to nothing. Of course the darker my mood becomes, the worse things get. It's a deep, dark hole, and I have no idea how to climb out of it.

Today (yesterday now, I guess) I woke up and prayed that God would let me do some good not for myself but for someone else. Looking back on the day, I'm not sure the prayer was answered. In trying to help, it seems like I screwed things up even worse.

All I have is these few days of sobriety, and it feels like that's dangling by a thread. Is this what they call "rock bottom?" I sure hope so because I don't know if I could handle it if things got any worse.

Dee74

I've just come out of a few days of depression related to pain and having to adjust my meds accordingly.
A few days ago I was feeling hopeless and seriously wondering whether this - COVID - was the new normal for generations to come.

I knew the feelings were brain chemistry SNAFUs and they would pass, and they did

Today I'm back to my normal self - I believe that for every bit of bad in the world there is at least two bits of good.
For every reason to fear there are at least two reasons to feel optimistic.

Bad days invariably give way to good.
For every hatemonger there are people spreading love and light.

I understand that not everyone thinks the way I do, but even the most hardened pessimist can look at a place like Sober Recovery and see there is still good in humanity?

D

LumenandNyx

Whoop Whoop!!

You did it today and you can do it tomorrow.

High Five!

DriGuy

Recovery is about not drinking on bad days, and no day is bad enough that alcohol can't make worse.

Gabe1980

You come here and tell us how you are feeling and how you made it through. That is the good thing that you did.....for me and lots of others.

You made it through a really rough day. Well done!

Wastinglife

I have made a real mess of life. It's why alcohol is so enticing for me. A few beers let's me escape from my thoughts. I don't sleep well at all most days. For example, 4am EST here now and really need sleep. I come to these forums and take solace that I am not alone in my struggles.

Keep venting here. Much less drama in life if you get out your frustrations to random strangers rather than family etc. I always feel better after listening to other people's stories. Makes me feel more normal knowing that I'm not the only one with problems that keep me awake at night.

Bilbao

Yes, it's the lure of oblivion when things aren't going well. The ostrich head-in-the-sand thing.

I've been having a bit of a bad time recently and the thought of crawling into a bottle as usual seems appealing, but in the end the issues are still there and need to be confronted. I think of it like fitness training - the more days like this I can get through the stronger I'll get to face future challenges. It seems to work for me at least.

Erica375

Hang in there, ImNotThatGuy. I know the dark days are a struggle to get through, but you're doing it! You know adding alcohol to the situation isn't going to help.

You say your wife hates you and you have no friends. Can you work on loving yourself and being your own friend? Posting here was a great start. Here's hoping for a better day today!

ImNotThatGuy

Thanks again everyone. Last night was mostly sleepless. Today is a new day. As long as I make it through without a drink, it can't be any worse than yesterday.

Sober45

I'm with you. Going through a series of bad events in my life, too. A loved one of mine is taking their final breaths as I write this. And so much more going on since last October.

But we are not alone. 2020 is going to go down in the history books as one hell of a year...future generations will be reading about it. I believe that people like us with be the lighting the way in the years to come because we're compassionate and we care about the world and each other.

I'm looking forward to the day I look back at this with gratitude because I got through it sober. In fact, had I not stopped in January I don't know if I'd be standing right now.

I hope you find some peace and relaxation today

saoutchik

Well done for not drinking INTG, you are certainly not the only person without a job right now and I totally 'get' how crazy people seem but pandemic dusruption will not be with us forever and there are some good people out there too, just not always as loud as the bad ones. Hang in there.

ImNotThatGuy

Well, today wasn't as cruddy as yesterday, but the residual effect of the cruddiness I experienced yesterday persists. I wish I could give more detail, but let's just say my eyes were opened to a very dark side of "the new normal." Sometimes I wish it were possible to "un-see" and "un-know" things, but it's not so I guess I just have to bear this. Suffice to say, it was very heavy and made me want to exit this world, at least temporarily into the bottle. But I didn't. So that's good.

Today was better. I made a point of spending most of the day outside at the beach. That's a good thing about being unemployed -- you can take a Wednesday at the beach without any consequences. It helped relax me and gave me some perspective. God willing, I will make it through this day without drinking too.

If I manage to achieve sobriety during this period of my life, it will be one of the greatest achievements of my life. It's unbelievably hard. Tonight I just need some sleep so I'll be turning in early. My brain is completely fried.

Thanks once again for all your advice and support.

Bekindalways

So good to see you got through another day. It is indeed a huge huge achievement.

There is so much screwed up crap in this world. In a way being sober and posting here is my way of refusing to be part of the crap.

I'm deeply grateful to everyone of you who keeps reaching deeper to live better.

Thank you.