biminiblue

Your post didn't mention memory. It mentioned Fear many times, though.

A lot of people have some memory problems. That's not a reason to drink and it would only get worse if more alcohol was added to the problem.

Good memory is not a requisite for a decent life, for that matter. Your first post recalls quite a few past events pretty clearly, and there are non drug therapies for forming and recalling recent memory if that's your issue.

I think it's a lot easier to play the victim, and believe me I have been good at that in my life but I no longer dwell on my personal shortcomings. We all have them.

LumenandNyx

Bimini is on track with that post.

You'll get better and stay better when you're ready.

CitizenSober

Allow me to clarify. I have been sober for two years. My life is far FAR better then is was a year and a half ago however, my life is now as "better" as it will ever get. I'm not here looking for advice. I made it over 730 by myself. Because this is a road I must walk alone. That is just how it is and I have accepted that. I came to voice my frustrations with people who intimately know the struggle.
I just wanted some company in my misery.
Sobriety is misery (and if you don't think that you are straight up lying to yourself) and what does misery love?

AAPJ

"Sobriety is misery"

I don't agree with your last statement. At least that has not been my experience. But I appreciate your posts and I hope you stick around.

Dee74

I'm sorry - I genuinely don't feel that way at all, but I accept it's your life and your prerogative to feel that way.

I hope you'll find things improve from you year by year as they have for me, or at least you find a sense of something better than misery.

D

fini

“Sobriety is misery (and if you don't think that you are straight up lying to yourself) and what does misery love?”

oof, what a set-up!
if i say i don’t agree with you that my sobriety is misery, then i’m lying to myself. if i say i agree with you, then i am lying to you. since my sobriety is not misery
what on earth makes you believe that everyone who experiences contented sobriety is lying to themselves?

BackandScared

I am really sorry you are feeling this low. While it is not a message easy to read, I can imagine it is much more difficult to write it. It must be hell to feel this way.

Many people who don't drink have a miserable time, suffer depression, bad things happen to them. Nobody dismisses them because they don't drink. But drinking is not a solution. Objectively, it makes you more depressed. It is designed for this. To the point where (like depression) it takes over everything and in exchange of shorter and shorter periods of oblivium.

You probably need some help to make you see life differently and to want something else than escaping it. It may help you to read more about alcohol and its impact on depression. You seem to have quit very young (compared to many among us) and perhaps you got physically dependent before you could become aware of the massive toll on your mental health if you had continued.

One of your biggest achievements in life (if not the biggest) is that you were able to quit and stay sober for this long. Even if alcohol was not the poison it is for your mind and body, drinking now would take that away from you. I hope you find the light to show you the best path to get over this, because you can do it. If you could quit drinking, you can do mostly everything.

BackandScared

I quoted you before because I wanted to add, there was obviously a reason you wanted to drink less in weekdays. Alcohol was not only the drug to escape life you are portraying.

biminiblue

Wow. That is really sad.


My sobriety is my most precious and most loved, "possession." Without it I would likely be dead. So would you. The days of fun drinking were over long before I quit. All I had left in connection with drinking was 30 minutes of relief/euphoria followed by hours trying to chase that and then sickness. And then misery. So, that's the misery I remember.

If you came here looking for sober people who are miserable because they're sober, I think you've completely missed the mark on this forum.

Sobriety is #1 on my Gratitude list.

I hope you find a way to live a happier life.

Fusion

Well, CitizenSober, there\s no doubt you had a tough detox and withdrawals. But that was two years ago. Brains do heal, maybe not completely, but man, you have to work with what you have. You've done so well staying sober, it seems to me from what you wrote, based upon my own experience of my own AV - that your AV is throwing a pity, victim, woe-is-me party. When, in fact, you have LOTS to be grateful for, from what you've written to date.

I've found that focusing on the positives, instead on the negatives, really helps me. Even if it's just saying on my gratitude list, thank you for waking up this morning, thank you for water and food. Because, you know, some people don't get the luxury of waking up in the morning. By focusing on the positives. neuroscience has proven that brain's alter, heal maybe. Try it. Tomorrow, write a list of five positive things in your life, and the next day, and so on.

LumenandNyx

I wrote 'get better' not get sober.

Your post is extremely depressing and pessimistic. And you seem to be quite content dwelling in those emotions. Look - I encourage you to always speak for yourself because you're in no position to be accusing me of lying to myself about anything, much less for being happier than I've ever been in my drunken past. Okay?

You're miserable because you want to be. My sobriety is more peaceful than I could have ever hoped for - so - speak for yourself DUDE. You came to the forum to try to drag the members down with you. I sure hope it didn't work

BeABetterMan

That sucks you’re feeling this way CS. Di22y from this form says that the only way out of drinking is through suffering and time.

I won’t argue that you’re miserable. A lot of my time spent sober is miserable. But one thing I have learned about life is not not extrapolate. Meaning, when I am in hard times, I do not tell myself that they will last forever. One thing that is constant in life is change. I would recommend you at least keep the door open to the possibility that your life could improve and you could find happiness.

You sound a lot like what we in AA call a “dry drunk”. You’ve put the bottle down (congrats on that by the way), but you haven’t made any other changes. You haven’t addressed the reasons you drank in the first place. I recommend AA or a good therapist. Good luck my friend. No one has to live life miserable!

DriGuy

Wow, that has not been my experience at all. My life sucked when I was drinking, and every drink made it a little bit worse.

I suppose you could kick that bully's ass, and that was the way I looked at it one time too, but I ended up just walking away as the bully's threats and challenges got weaker and more distant every year. Yeah, bobbing and weaving was too much work. A better choice for me was not to play his game. A bully with no one to fight is a pathetic soul, but that's his problem.

silentrun

Congratulations on two years sober. Things got progressively easier during that first two years but two years was definitely a turning point for me and I hope the next year brings you some contentment.

I think the power of the alcohol is in the telling of the story. I had some trouble when I first quit because getting everything perfect so I could drink undetected (or so I thought) was a huge motivator. My house hasn't been as clean even once as it used to be all the time when I was drinking. I had no way to motivate myself. I have learned some ways in the meantime but none were that good. That was about to come crashing down anyway though. As I made my way through the progression I would either be dead or in some type of institution had I not let it go. That's the part of the story I lead with.

MaximusD

Citizen, first of all congrats on your sobriety. This has been a good thread to read. I do feel that every human deserves to live life happy and I feel that most can attain that but we have to figure out how. Are you in therapy? If not I would recommend it as I do not feel like you should have to go through like this.

MaximusD

Something is still missing in your recovery.

snitch

For me, if I had managed to stay sober for 2 years without any kind of recovery programme I think I would probably be miserable too.

I am in AA and it is has been working the steps that has completely changed me and my attitudes and outlooks and I no longer live in fear, resentment or self pity . Sure those feelings can come up, I am only human afterall but I have the tools now to deal with them.

You say you dont believe in AA but if you are really miserable then why dont you just give it a try? What have you got to lose? You can always leave. But if you do give it a go and it DOES work then wow! You could be experiencing sobriety in a whole different light.

If you are adamant that AA is not for you then take a look at other recovery programmes.

There is no way an alcoholic of my type could "only" put the drink down and everything be great because my alcoholism centres in my mind and the 12 steps are my medicine to treat that.

Wishing You much strength and courage.

🙏❤