Gabe's daily check in
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
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Gabe's daily check in
Right .....here we go again.
Day 2. A lot of work to do to figure out what went wrong and to revise the plan. The biggest thing is I am going from full time to 2 days a week. Scary to have too much time on my hands so will need to work on a positive routine.
I was sober 5 days then drank and took a lot of medication (sleep). I slept for 20 hours. There is something very wrong with needing to hide from life in this way and to be taking risks like this.
I am going to find myself some more help and I'll keep coming here for some guidance on how to handle all this. I've scared myself. I need to get this right.
Love to you all
Day 2. A lot of work to do to figure out what went wrong and to revise the plan. The biggest thing is I am going from full time to 2 days a week. Scary to have too much time on my hands so will need to work on a positive routine.
I was sober 5 days then drank and took a lot of medication (sleep). I slept for 20 hours. There is something very wrong with needing to hide from life in this way and to be taking risks like this.
I am going to find myself some more help and I'll keep coming here for some guidance on how to handle all this. I've scared myself. I need to get this right.
Love to you all
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi Gabe. I tried to give up repeatedly, and then I just gave up! I'm watchful everyday but over five months in and it's a completely different experience this time.
I think there is a lot to be said for going one day at a time. Especially in the early days. I found planning my day first thing in the morning really helped - 'What am I going to do today to support my sobriety and becoming a better, more whole person?'
Often it's boring, often it's challenging, but after about 20 days my experience is it became easier. And after 70 days my low mood and anxiety left me (and as an added bonus the day count just flies by now!)
Day by day. Starting with today - what are you going to do today to make yourself sober, happy and whole again? Today...!
I think there is a lot to be said for going one day at a time. Especially in the early days. I found planning my day first thing in the morning really helped - 'What am I going to do today to support my sobriety and becoming a better, more whole person?'
Often it's boring, often it's challenging, but after about 20 days my experience is it became easier. And after 70 days my low mood and anxiety left me (and as an added bonus the day count just flies by now!)
Day by day. Starting with today - what are you going to do today to make yourself sober, happy and whole again? Today...!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I wish you didn't lose the "full time" work because for me my past 8 years of sobriety was very dependent on going to work everyday and having that structure. It is going to be hard with all the time on your hands...that is just a fact....so like an above poster said...when you wake up...plan your day...make it as full as possible...However, on my Day 2's I couldn't even move from the couch.
Remember the H.A.L.T. If you feel you are "craving" pay attention to these things...address them and your craving may pass.
H- Hungry....eat something...
A - Angry ....try to keep from getting angry...when you do get angry...PAUSE and do something different than you would have done in the past.
L- Lonely...this is a hard one for me...but loneliness will make me drink...and so if I get lonely...I will take a ride in the car...but it is important for me to "get up" and "get out" even if it is in the yard...to escape this feeling.
T- Tired....being tired can spark a craving...try to remember...No one ever died from being "tired" but people do die in relation to alcohol.
Remember the H.A.L.T. If you feel you are "craving" pay attention to these things...address them and your craving may pass.
H- Hungry....eat something...
A - Angry ....try to keep from getting angry...when you do get angry...PAUSE and do something different than you would have done in the past.
L- Lonely...this is a hard one for me...but loneliness will make me drink...and so if I get lonely...I will take a ride in the car...but it is important for me to "get up" and "get out" even if it is in the yard...to escape this feeling.
T- Tired....being tired can spark a craving...try to remember...No one ever died from being "tired" but people do die in relation to alcohol.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
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Full time is just too much for me just now. Its supporting people and can get incredibly stressful, especially if they are at risk.
I am worried about more free time too, but I think if I use the time to get healthy and work on my recovery, it will be a positive thing.
I need to be under less stress. So I really hope it'll make a difference xx
I am worried about more free time too, but I think if I use the time to get healthy and work on my recovery, it will be a positive thing.
I need to be under less stress. So I really hope it'll make a difference xx
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Good, Gabe. That's how this is done. Get up, dust yourself off, and figure out what needs to happen to Not Drink Ever. It's hard, this staying stopped thing, pretty much the hardest thing I've ever done. But it gets better, for real.
We're an interesting lot, aren't we? I read Missy's interpretation of HALT and thought, "Huhn. That's almost the opposite of how I've internalized that acronym." I used to read it the same way, that it was important to avoid or power through being Angry, Lonely or Tired." But today, I sleep if I'm tired and I coexist with feelings of anger or loneliness. I don't run from my feelings, I feel them. When I'm doing really well, I examine them like I'm a detective, "Wow, I'm really angry right now. What is that all about?"
When I'm at my best, I go another step: "How do I best honor myself at the same time I let go?" Either way, i do my best not to harm anyone, myself included. I have to be at my best every single day in this regard. It is absolutely critical for my continued sobriety.
You're on the right track, Gabe. You'll get there, I know it.
O
We're an interesting lot, aren't we? I read Missy's interpretation of HALT and thought, "Huhn. That's almost the opposite of how I've internalized that acronym." I used to read it the same way, that it was important to avoid or power through being Angry, Lonely or Tired." But today, I sleep if I'm tired and I coexist with feelings of anger or loneliness. I don't run from my feelings, I feel them. When I'm doing really well, I examine them like I'm a detective, "Wow, I'm really angry right now. What is that all about?"
When I'm at my best, I go another step: "How do I best honor myself at the same time I let go?" Either way, i do my best not to harm anyone, myself included. I have to be at my best every single day in this regard. It is absolutely critical for my continued sobriety.
You're on the right track, Gabe. You'll get there, I know it.
O
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Thank you O. I am still trying to figure out coping with my feelings - especially fear. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone but that's what I do when I drink, especially myself.
It's living up to and honouring my life and value system. That's why I keep coming back and trying again. I want the goodness in me to be the guiding light in my life
It's living up to and honouring my life and value system. That's why I keep coming back and trying again. I want the goodness in me to be the guiding light in my life
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Gabe1980 
BE123 - that's a really helpful perspective. So today I have cleaned the house, had a bath and myself and my hubby are watching movies.
I am also going to plan for tomorrowx
I am also going to plan for tomorrowx
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I'll tell you a closely guarded secret - for many of us (many, many!), it's fear.
That's ok. Recognizing what's at the bottom of your feelings (or reactions to escape from those feelings) is a fantastic start.
Not sure if this will help you any, but what I've found helpful for myself is to track that fear, to define it. What exactly "got" me about that thing that just happened? What does that put me in mind of? Where did that come from? When I get back to the origin, it always feels like , "Aha! I get it. So feeling that way at that time way long ago makes perfect sense, but I can handle that now." Who knew those inner child people were really onto something? I know this introspection doesn't work for everyone (many people have advised me not to think so much
), but it works for me. Not in a "woe is me" kind of way, but in a manner that's more like, "It's time for grown O to give little kid O a permanent break from all of this."
O
That's ok. Recognizing what's at the bottom of your feelings (or reactions to escape from those feelings) is a fantastic start.
Not sure if this will help you any, but what I've found helpful for myself is to track that fear, to define it. What exactly "got" me about that thing that just happened? What does that put me in mind of? Where did that come from? When I get back to the origin, it always feels like , "Aha! I get it. So feeling that way at that time way long ago makes perfect sense, but I can handle that now." Who knew those inner child people were really onto something? I know this introspection doesn't work for everyone (many people have advised me not to think so much
), but it works for me. Not in a "woe is me" kind of way, but in a manner that's more like, "It's time for grown O to give little kid O a permanent break from all of this."O
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Originally Posted by Gabe1980
BE123 - that's a really helpful perspective. So today I have cleaned the house, had a bath and myself and my hubby are watching movies.
I am also going to plan for tomorrowx
I am also going to plan for tomorrowx
ATM I know what I'm eating and drinking tomorrow - I feel my picture is already painted, and it helps with the AV.
Let's not forget you got to 79 days and have done bloody excellently in the near past. This quit will eclipse your last.
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DAY 3....
I am up, fed, watered and have done my 3 mile walk. It's a good start. I have a call with my new manager to work out reduced work hours, so I am hopeful that will make a big difference to the pressure I've been under. I plan on building a timetable around this that supports my recovery in every way I can think of. I'm done. This has to now be the most important thing.
I'm kind of stunned that this all even happened. I don't remember most of the last week. I don't know what it is inside me that just wants to escape. All I know is I have to make my life as manageable as possible, so I can live it in a sober and balanced way. I don't give a **** what anyone thinks now and if my boss won't reduce my hours then I'll find a new job.
I also have been thinking about what went wrong and there was a lot of stuff. The two main things that I can change right now are:
- Accepting my weight and eating what I want to, as my tastes and weight are both healthy and obsessing and constantly trying to restrict things just makes me miserable and I am sure that has had an impact. I will eat when I am hungry, eat healthy and have some chocolate if I want some.
- No more obsessing about money and debt. I have a little bit of debt and I pay it off every month. I DO NOT need to be thinking about it and feeling guilty about it every minute of the bloody day.
I also want to do lots and lots more walking and listening to audio books.
I'M BACK......and this time I mean business.....
I am up, fed, watered and have done my 3 mile walk. It's a good start. I have a call with my new manager to work out reduced work hours, so I am hopeful that will make a big difference to the pressure I've been under. I plan on building a timetable around this that supports my recovery in every way I can think of. I'm done. This has to now be the most important thing.
I'm kind of stunned that this all even happened. I don't remember most of the last week. I don't know what it is inside me that just wants to escape. All I know is I have to make my life as manageable as possible, so I can live it in a sober and balanced way. I don't give a **** what anyone thinks now and if my boss won't reduce my hours then I'll find a new job.
I also have been thinking about what went wrong and there was a lot of stuff. The two main things that I can change right now are:
- Accepting my weight and eating what I want to, as my tastes and weight are both healthy and obsessing and constantly trying to restrict things just makes me miserable and I am sure that has had an impact. I will eat when I am hungry, eat healthy and have some chocolate if I want some.
- No more obsessing about money and debt. I have a little bit of debt and I pay it off every month. I DO NOT need to be thinking about it and feeling guilty about it every minute of the bloody day.
I also want to do lots and lots more walking and listening to audio books.
I'M BACK......and this time I mean business.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Welcome back Gabe! Good to se you released yourself from your AV's grip. If your AV is anything like mine, it will suggest any 'excuse' to drink. For me, alcohol never, ever enabled me to solve or deal with a problem, stress, anxiety or difficulty. Nor did it really create more happiness, when I was happy.
It had zero-sum benefit, save for deadening my senses and extinguishing my real authentic-self, Higher Self I call the real me. My AV is just a base desire, emanating from the more primitive, autonomous parts of my brain, and it really helps me to think of the AV in those terms, when I dismiss it's siren calls for a drink.
It had zero-sum benefit, save for deadening my senses and extinguishing my real authentic-self, Higher Self I call the real me. My AV is just a base desire, emanating from the more primitive, autonomous parts of my brain, and it really helps me to think of the AV in those terms, when I dismiss it's siren calls for a drink.
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