Relapsed....back at day 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Relapsed....back at day 2
Hello everyone. Been awhile since i was on this forum, and this is difficult to write, but perhaps it will serve as a cautionary tale for someone during these difficult times.
I relapsed for approximately 2 months, after almost three years of sobriety, and am back at day 2. This can happen to anyone, if we are not careful, if we don't find more constructive ways of dealing with our fears, our anger, our negativity....our restless minds that only want to get us alone in a room and kill us. It's always the mind, isn't it? That sucker will get you every time, if all you do is listen to it's propaganda 24 hours a day. You WILL wind up in a room filled with bottles, puking and shaking again, wondering how you got back here....
Anyway, back again. No way I will not use this as a learning experience. In fact every time I've had a relapse I've learned SOMETHING....about what to do, what not to do. I'm here to learn from everyone. Not quite a newcomer, yet always a newcomer, if you know what I mean.
Appreciate all your responses, suggestions, etc. Thank you
I relapsed for approximately 2 months, after almost three years of sobriety, and am back at day 2. This can happen to anyone, if we are not careful, if we don't find more constructive ways of dealing with our fears, our anger, our negativity....our restless minds that only want to get us alone in a room and kill us. It's always the mind, isn't it? That sucker will get you every time, if all you do is listen to it's propaganda 24 hours a day. You WILL wind up in a room filled with bottles, puking and shaking again, wondering how you got back here....
Anyway, back again. No way I will not use this as a learning experience. In fact every time I've had a relapse I've learned SOMETHING....about what to do, what not to do. I'm here to learn from everyone. Not quite a newcomer, yet always a newcomer, if you know what I mean.
Appreciate all your responses, suggestions, etc. Thank you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 466
Originally Posted by ZenLifter 
It's always the mind, isn't it? That sucker will get you every time, if all you do is listen to it's propaganda 24 hours a day.
Also, i'm now scared of alcohol. Scared of what it is and what I will do with it if I ever come into possession of it again (when someone offers me a drink, I recoil like Gandalf being offered the One Ring by Bilbo in Lord of the Rings, lol). Learning to become scared of it might also benefit you, too.
Either way, i'm sure you know most of this my friend from your previous sober time. So welcome back, ZenLifter. Stick around and keep posting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
An interesting question....I think I did, yes. Maybe a week? Of course I knew even as I was thinking this that it was foolish. If you're an alcoholic you don't get to decide these things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Thanks Owen....yep, the AV. For me it's also unaddressed anxiety and depression....and a whole lot of other things that I'd better start taking more seriously if I want to remain sober. Appreciate your response, friend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Hi,
Your signature is interesting "The obstacle is the path"
I always saw my obstacles as choices. Every decision I've made opened up new possibilities and new choices. Some were fabulous while others just sucked.
One step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.
Perspective sure can change things.
Your signature is interesting "The obstacle is the path"
I always saw my obstacles as choices. Every decision I've made opened up new possibilities and new choices. Some were fabulous while others just sucked.
One step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.
Perspective sure can change things.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
Thank you for sharing, Zen. It is very important we read your post and learn from it. Someone on here mentioned that we are all one drink away from that terrible place. I am over two years sober but found myself in a similar place back in January. It was very unsettling to me that I would even think about trying a drink or two. I am so glad to have this site as a resource!
My fear of that first drink remains strong and in place. I want it to stay that way. I definitely find a post like yours helpful for me because it reinforces that fear. Stay close. We are here for you.
My fear of that first drink remains strong and in place. I want it to stay that way. I definitely find a post like yours helpful for me because it reinforces that fear. Stay close. We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I also relapsed after long term sobriety 8 years and it is baffiling isn't it? How you just can't stop? I mean you did 3 years...it should have been easy to stop...but I think for most that go back out we find it very difficult to stop again and it is purely baffling....
Some that go out don't make it back in....I was out there for 6 years drinking....I have 28 days right now and...I feel "blessed".
More baffling news is I didn't quit "any different" this time than I have all the other times in the past 6 years....
What happened was thankfully, my brain feels different, feels like it is experiencing a psychic change to the point my thoughts are now.... I am afraid of alcohol detox
Detox was always a "dread" for me...but right now.....I just KNOW I never want to be that close to death again.....and I'm grateful....that this type of feeling has been instilled in me...somehow the blessing has arrived for me again and I welcome it....
I hope this is happening to you right now...I hope this can be the last quit...I know how you long for the "free" feeling....because you have had those feelings....3 years is a long time, lots of tools and lessons...My immediate thought this time was....I have the tools....
In the past my immediate thoughts everytime I quit before this was: I don't think that was my last time....praying it was but knowing it wasn't.
Day 2...Keep going.
Some that go out don't make it back in....I was out there for 6 years drinking....I have 28 days right now and...I feel "blessed".
More baffling news is I didn't quit "any different" this time than I have all the other times in the past 6 years....
What happened was thankfully, my brain feels different, feels like it is experiencing a psychic change to the point my thoughts are now.... I am afraid of alcohol detox
Detox was always a "dread" for me...but right now.....I just KNOW I never want to be that close to death again.....and I'm grateful....that this type of feeling has been instilled in me...somehow the blessing has arrived for me again and I welcome it....
I hope this is happening to you right now...I hope this can be the last quit...I know how you long for the "free" feeling....because you have had those feelings....3 years is a long time, lots of tools and lessons...My immediate thought this time was....I have the tools....
In the past my immediate thoughts everytime I quit before this was: I don't think that was my last time....praying it was but knowing it wasn't.
Day 2...Keep going.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 622
Thank you for sharing. Definitely hits as a reminder, though I am only at 21 days, it did provide me positive perspective and reminders of awareness that always needs to be there, no matter 21 days or 3 years. That AV is still there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Yes Hevyn, most definitely better than day one...feel like I'm still detoxing a little, but should be through it soon.
Again, thank you everyone. Most grateful....and if I could serve as a cautionary tale, a reminder, whatever....that's even better.
Hope everyone had a wonderful, sober Saturday
Again, thank you everyone. Most grateful....and if I could serve as a cautionary tale, a reminder, whatever....that's even better.
Hope everyone had a wonderful, sober Saturday
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Welcome back ZenLifter.
I relapsed after 5 years and like you feel that psychic shift that has me know I can never drink again. Don't want to drink again. Results always the same. Too horrible to contemplate.
Good thing is it does not appear as a loss or sacrifice. I really love my sobriety and am so very grateful to have found it.
I relapsed after 5 years and like you feel that psychic shift that has me know I can never drink again. Don't want to drink again. Results always the same. Too horrible to contemplate.
Good thing is it does not appear as a loss or sacrifice. I really love my sobriety and am so very grateful to have found it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
