Relapsed....back at day 2
 

Hello everyone. Been awhile since i was on this forum, and this is difficult to write, but perhaps it will serve as a cautionary tale for someone during these difficult times.

I relapsed for approximately 2 months, after almost three years of sobriety, and am back at day 2. This can happen to anyone, if we are not careful, if we don't find more constructive ways of dealing with our fears, our anger, our negativity....our restless minds that only want to get us alone in a room and kill us. It's always the mind, isn't it? That sucker will get you every time, if all you do is listen to it's propaganda 24 hours a day. You WILL wind up in a room filled with bottles, puking and shaking again, wondering how you got back here....

Anyway, back again. No way I will not use this as a learning experience. In fact every time I've had a relapse I've learned SOMETHING....about what to do, what not to do. I'm here to learn from everyone. Not quite a newcomer, yet always a newcomer, if you know what I mean.

Appreciate all your responses, suggestions, etc. Thank you :tyou

Welcome back, Zenlifter. I'm sure you learned a lot in 3 years of recovery to get you back on the right path again. :)

Welcome back. Yep, it's always the mind; more specifically the dirty little worm known as the AV that hides in it. Remember that you have to give the AV what it wants, it can't take control of your legs, it doesn't know how to use your bank card. Be aware of it but don't empower it. I am not a 30 year sober veteran, but thinking in this manner is helping me to achieve sobriety while maintaining happiness and a sense of humour instead of white knuckling it and hating myself.

Also, i'm now scared of alcohol. Scared of what it is and what I will do with it if I ever come into possession of it again (when someone offers me a drink, I recoil like Gandalf being offered the One Ring by Bilbo in Lord of the Rings, lol). Learning to become scared of it might also benefit you, too.

Either way, i'm sure you know most of this my friend from your previous sober time. So welcome back, ZenLifter. Stick around and keep posting :)

Thank you for coming back! I was just wondering, did you have a time frame that you thought you would drink and then quit again? Best wishes!

Welcome back.

An interesting question....I think I did, yes. Maybe a week? Of course I knew even as I was thinking this that it was foolish. If you're an alcoholic you don't get to decide these things.

Thank you, Anna. I'm sure I did, but there's obviously more to learn now :)

Thanks Owen....yep, the AV. For me it's also unaddressed anxiety and depression....and a whole lot of other things that I'd better start taking more seriously if I want to remain sober. Appreciate your response, friend.

Hi,

Your signature is interesting "The obstacle is the path"
I always saw my obstacles as choices. Every decision I've made opened up new possibilities and new choices. Some were fabulous while others just sucked.

One step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

Perspective sure can change things.

Thank you so much for sharing. I have 7 months sober and this really serves as a stark reminder that we must never let our guards down.

you can do this again... you already are...congrats on day 2!

Welcome back :)

D

welcome back.

I'm so glad you came back, Zen. You learned from this & you've helped others with your warning.

Thank you for sharing, Zen. It is very important we read your post and learn from it. Someone on here mentioned that we are all one drink away from that terrible place. I am over two years sober but found myself in a similar place back in January. It was very unsettling to me that I would even think about trying a drink or two. I am so glad to have this site as a resource!
My fear of that first drink remains strong and in place. I want it to stay that way. I definitely find a post like yours helpful for me because it reinforces that fear. Stay close. We are here for you.

I also relapsed after long term sobriety 8 years and it is baffiling isn't it? How you just can't stop? I mean you did 3 years...it should have been easy to stop...but I think for most that go back out we find it very difficult to stop again and it is purely baffling....

Some that go out don't make it back in....I was out there for 6 years drinking....I have 28 days right now and...I feel "blessed".

More baffling news is I didn't quit "any different" this time than I have all the other times in the past 6 years....

What happened was thankfully, my brain feels different, feels like it is experiencing a psychic change to the point my thoughts are now.... I am afraid of alcohol detox

Detox was always a "dread" for me...but right now.....I just KNOW I never want to be that close to death again.....and I'm grateful....that this type of feeling has been instilled in me...somehow the blessing has arrived for me again and I welcome it....

I hope this is happening to you right now...I hope this can be the last quit...I know how you long for the "free" feeling....because you have had those feelings....3 years is a long time, lots of tools and lessons...My immediate thought this time was....I have the tools....

In the past my immediate thoughts everytime I quit before this was: I don't think that was my last time....praying it was but knowing it wasn't.
:(

Day 2...Keep going.

Thank you for sharing. Definitely hits as a reminder, though I am only at 21 days, it did provide me positive perspective and reminders of awareness that always needs to be there, no matter 21 days or 3 years. That AV is still there.

Grateful for everyone's responses. Thank you all! Day three and I'm happy to wake up feeling just a bit more hopeful than yesterday

Great to hear you're feeling a little less anxious. :) Day 3 - much better than Day 1.

Yes Hevyn, most definitely better than day one...feel like I'm still detoxing a little, but should be through it soon.

Again, thank you everyone. Most grateful....and if I could serve as a cautionary tale, a reminder, whatever....that's even better.


Hope everyone had a wonderful, sober Saturday :thanks

Welcome back ZenLifter.

I relapsed after 5 years and like you feel that psychic shift that has me know I can never drink again. Don't want to drink again. Results always the same. Too horrible to contemplate.

Good thing is it does not appear as a loss or sacrifice. I really love my sobriety and am so very grateful to have found it.