Dee74

Really? It sounded to me like you really enjoyed the 24 hour format they had - you were recommending it to everyone

I'm sure you could find another online meeting that made you feel the same way?

D

anxiousrock

I did like it when it was the 24 hour format...they changed it now its not as good. I would like to do something more local but I dont think there's much going on here in terms of in person.

Dee74

I hope you can find something to add to SR

D

anxiousrock

me too.

Misssy2

I was thinking of this word today "poison" in relation to booze....in chemical structure it is an actual POISON....If you drank the **** (IPA/alcohol) without the additives...Pretty sure you would die quite quickly.....

I think all these years when I was reading posts and trying to stop drinking and I saw people say I was pouring "poison" into my body...

I was like yea, I know...but it never really clicked how much I took that word "poison" for granted...Its a true poison....and it becomes a deadly poison when abused.....

I know people that can drink the "poison" in 1 or 2 drinks and be fine......but then there is me....who literally drinks the poison over and over and after a period of time ..about 5-6 days of drinking the poison the tremendous... detrimental effects start to show from every organ in my body, including the skin (the skin is the largest organ of the body).....I finally get accept that IPA/Alcohol is a true poison.

EndGameNYC

I often take for granted those intensely horrible feelings, in complete despair, after regaining consciousness the following day because I no longer have days like that. Not even close.

Chronic guilt about how I was living my life, self-loathing, distorted thinking, poor judgment, difficulty in making decisions about trivial matters, paranoia, bouts of anxiety and depression, suicidal thoughts, and all the troubling nothingness and everydayness of it while supporting my own destruction.

Who wouldn't want to be an alcoholic?!

This is such a difficult time for so many people. It's important to be kind to yourself as well. We've all come a long way.

Delilah1

I’m so glad you came back, and posted, and that you’re sober today. ❤️

Obladi

I'm glad you're still here.

I know the feeling of not belonging, even in an AA meeting, but I took it to heart that the only requirement of membership is a desire to stop drinking. You've got that. You belong. It's a rule. It wasn't so easy for me to know that and just go with it; it took me some time to internalize but it's true.

If you google AA for any major metropolitan area, you should be able to easily find on line meetings. I'll send you a PM with information from my area. I think going local is a really good idea. That 24/7 meeting was cool in a pinch, but it's too easy to listen to those in the background or be very passive in participation in that format. One place you can find a meeting every hour on the hour is "intherooms." These folks have been running virtual meetings for years and are very good at it. I stick with my belief that local online meetings are better for actually connecting, but if you need a meeting in the middle of the night and don't want to go through the hassle of Googling "AA New York" or whathaveyou, In the Rooms is a handy alternative.

O

anxiousrock

Thanks everyone for the support. I have been doing a lot better lately. A few years ago I was drinking a lot more and more heavily so I'm thankful for that at least.
I feel like I'm missing something to truly give up alcohol for good but I'm still working hard on it to put everything together.

Hevyn

Fear of missing something kept me from giving it up for years. During that time I created a nightmare for myself. I was so afraid life would be dull, pointless, & sad. I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm glad you're here, anxiousrock.

Obladi

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to tolerate myself sober. Literally. When I got really unbearably uncomfortable, it seemed like the only thing to do was drink. It's the only option that entered my mind toward the end there. My AV had gotten smart enough to leave out all of the cajoling and convincing and rationalizing - because I was on to it and knew all of that stuff was garbage. So it just pulled a sort of stun gun trick where the only answer was "DRINK." And I wasn't even aware that I was upset over anything. Jedi mind moves, fer real.

Once the option of drinking was off the table - ever - I learned that I can live through the unbearable uncomfortability.
It sucks rocks, it's not easy, but it can be done. It is, however, much easier than the internal "drink/don't drink" debate. That's the worst.

O

Derringer

I'd recommend getting a copy of the big book and reading the first 164 pages.

That would give you a baseline introduction to what AA is actually about.

The original 12 step recovery method has very little to do with meetings.

MaximusD

There is lots of data that is coming out that is saying that ANY amount of alcohol is bad for our bodies which I completely agree. No matter wether a person has a problem with alcohol or not it is a carcinogen and a poison in any amount. You'd hear this a lot more if there wasn't so much money behind it.

anxiousrock

I agree with this too...it really is poison and no one should have it. We are the lucky ones i suppose, trying to find different ways to rid out bodies of these toxins others will not find the strength.

MaximusD

Most others won't. I read somewhere that only about 10% ever seek help. So many of us come here desperate, down and negative about ourselves when really we are in the top 10%!

Gabe1980

I really felt for you reading your post.....I can empathise too. I black out every single time I drink and my biggest fear is doing something work related in an email. You totally did the right thing though.....you drank and you came straight back. You did a great job....now it's just keeping going forward and you can do that too

saoutchik

Well done for coming right back to SR anxiousrock. Maybe during the evening or whenever you most want a drink you could schedule a walk (or similar activity) to get you out of yourself a bit. I believe there is actual science behind the walking/exercise idea (endorphins or something) It helped me anyway.

anxiousrock

I already work out 3 times a day....i can't do any more. I'm always tired.

MLD51

I LOVE THIS! We are the best!

Samantha, I'm glad you stopped after the one night. Hopefully you learned some things, and you can take a look at the big book or some other recovery method to supplement SR. Some people do it all with SR as their only resource, but why not try to gather up some more tools to help you out? I used a bunch of different tools, AA was, and still is, just one of them.