Rsanchez920

So I am back to day 4...figured it couldn't hurt to come here and post...after the last day I drank I didn't nessicarily have a rock bottom moment but I saw my bank account negative yet again,appendicitis,inflamed stomach,giving up on all my goals and i was sad and also realized that with all my attempts over the last months I really did not want to stop the drugs and alcohol I just wanted to stop the hangovers and consequences.I was upset because i diddnt want to stop....i wish i could drink and drug "normally" i wanted to find a way to use and not suffer so much...obviously there is no possible way to do that...

Even my birthday is in 2 weeks and usually my excuse is because there is always a holiday around the corner and this or that....there is always going to be a birthday,wedding or holiday around the corner that's just life...I still plan to do a get together for my birthday...bike ride and lunch or something low key...

I deactivated all my social media just to get away from it all...I only made one account to follow recovery and health pages...then I stumbled on a few podcasts that I feel changed my life over the past 4 days more than AA or anything I've been apart of...I highly recommend by the way its free!! I downloaded Spotify then you can search podcasts from there...the main one is called sober curious...there's also one called recovery happy hour and the dry life. I've been meditating and listening to peoples stories and unpacked a big part of my issue due to this podcast it was like an ah-ha moment even therapy never uncovered

I also started an anxiety medication (not a benzo) that my phyciatrist prescribed to me 3 months ago but I was afraid to take it until now due to alcohol use/interactions

Long story short I'm doing some soul searching and I know I have to commit to this desicion daily and if I never give this a real shot I'm never going to known what sober life is about or how it compares or how it is to be sober at events, during ups and downs of life,etc

I feel soooooo crappy physically it's crazy but spiritually my light is coming back on...I was doing so many drugs and now its like I feel everything... its good but overwhelming.

I know that was long winded but that's where I'm at right now...I plan to check in here and there as I go! Hope everyone in doing good!

LumenandNyx

High Five!

Sounds like you found something that works. There's something for everyone. Yay!

Dee74

Whatever helps you to make different choices is a good thing.
I hope you can make this time your time rsanchez

D

Misssy2

I can feel the "spiritual" light in your post.
Thats so great...you found some new ways to think...its shows that you might just be "ready"...

MaximusD

This is great. I would challenge you not to just check in here and there but to make soberrecovery an active part of your recovery plan.