Hopeful for a life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 2
Hopeful for a life
Hi all
I just wanted to introduce myself and to commit to post daily here for some accountability.
I'm on Day 1. It's not my first time trying but I really believe that I've finally reached a point where I can't and don't want to do this anymore. I'm just killing myself slowly and spending very day filled with shame, loneliness and sadness until I can drown the feelings and just pass out. I'm 46 and have been doing this for almost half my life, if you could even call it a life.
There is no aspect of my life that this hasn't affected, my health, my finances, my career, everything. I've pushed away every friend I had and my relationship with my family is strained because I just lie constantly so that I can be left alone to drink.
I hate what I've become and don't have an ounce of self respect left.
I'll go to bed sober tonight and I am so thankful for that. If I can do it today I can do it tomorrow.
Thanks for being here
I just wanted to introduce myself and to commit to post daily here for some accountability.
I'm on Day 1. It's not my first time trying but I really believe that I've finally reached a point where I can't and don't want to do this anymore. I'm just killing myself slowly and spending very day filled with shame, loneliness and sadness until I can drown the feelings and just pass out. I'm 46 and have been doing this for almost half my life, if you could even call it a life.
There is no aspect of my life that this hasn't affected, my health, my finances, my career, everything. I've pushed away every friend I had and my relationship with my family is strained because I just lie constantly so that I can be left alone to drink.
I hate what I've become and don't have an ounce of self respect left.
I'll go to bed sober tonight and I am so thankful for that. If I can do it today I can do it tomorrow.
Thanks for being here
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Welcome SeaBreeze, I can feel the pain in your post and I'm glad you found us and that you are committed to stop drinking. Like you, I hated the person I became when I was drinking. But, you will be able to move beyond this and be the person you want to be. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Welcome Seabreeze. Right now just take it a day at a time and make sure to post here. Even if you are new to sobriety you can still offer support to others as well. This will, in turn, help your sobriety. Rest assured though that we are here for you and completely understand what you are going through.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Welcome! I will be 46 this month. I was pretty much where you are. Just so done with it. But now I have 7 months sober and let me tell you I wouldn’t trade where I am today for anything. It takes time so be patient . With each sober day comes clarity. Make a plan for staying connected with the way you feel today.
You can do this!
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,925
I quit 19 months ago at 49. It wasn’t pleasant to stop drinking after doing so for all my adult life. Looking back, though, it was a few weeks of poor sleep and anxiety, but that’s a small price to pay. You really have to accept that there can be no drinking ever again. I’m not just saying that out of principle. Any intake undoes all the good work, and all the urges and cravings will be back with a vengeance.
Well done, Sea. You’re plenty young enough to turn your life around.
Well done, Sea. You’re plenty young enough to turn your life around.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 753
Welcome 😄
I could have virtually wrote your post myself , I’m 51 days in and although a very long way from being anywhere near “fixed” I can tell you my life has started slowly to rebuild
you can do this and you sound ready 💪🏻
I could have virtually wrote your post myself , I’m 51 days in and although a very long way from being anywhere near “fixed” I can tell you my life has started slowly to rebuild
you can do this and you sound ready 💪🏻
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 87
Seabreeze, reading your post was like I was reading something I would have wrote about 20 months ago. Right down to the age, I was 46 too when I realized something must be done and I was killing myself. Congrats on Day 1 and keep it up, it gets easier every day and before you know it you'll have years under your belt. But don't think ahead too much, take it 'one day at a time'. I can't believe I'm using that phrase, I used to hate it, but it's true. Just stay focused on what's in front of you, stay diligent and you'll be OK.
SC
SC
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
It's wonderful to have you join us, SeaBreeze. (I love your name)
Being able to talk things over here - with people who understand - has helped strengthen & encourage me. You aren't alone!
Being able to talk things over here - with people who understand - has helped strengthen & encourage me. You aren't alone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 2
Thank you all for such a warm welcome, it makes such a difference having the support especially from people who understand.
Going to watch some TV before bed, it will make a change being able to remember what I watched tomorrow.
Thankful to be going to bed sober tonight.
Going to watch some TV before bed, it will make a change being able to remember what I watched tomorrow.
Thankful to be going to bed sober tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by SeaBreeze74 
Hi all
I just wanted to introduce myself and to commit to post daily here for some accountability.
I'm on Day 1. It's not my first time trying but I really believe that I've finally reached a point where I can't and don't want to do this anymore. I'm just killing myself slowly and spending very day filled with shame, loneliness and sadness until I can drown the feelings and just pass out. I'm 46 and have been doing this for almost half my life, if you could even call it a life.
There is no aspect of my life that this hasn't affected, my health, my finances, my career, everything. I've pushed away every friend I had and my relationship with my family is strained because I just lie constantly so that I can be left alone to drink.
I hate what I've become and don't have an ounce of self respect left.
I'll go to bed sober tonight and I am so thankful for that. If I can do it today I can do it tomorrow.
Thanks for being here
I just wanted to introduce myself and to commit to post daily here for some accountability.
I'm on Day 1. It's not my first time trying but I really believe that I've finally reached a point where I can't and don't want to do this anymore. I'm just killing myself slowly and spending very day filled with shame, loneliness and sadness until I can drown the feelings and just pass out. I'm 46 and have been doing this for almost half my life, if you could even call it a life.
There is no aspect of my life that this hasn't affected, my health, my finances, my career, everything. I've pushed away every friend I had and my relationship with my family is strained because I just lie constantly so that I can be left alone to drink.
I hate what I've become and don't have an ounce of self respect left.
I'll go to bed sober tonight and I am so thankful for that. If I can do it today I can do it tomorrow.
Thanks for being here
Direct. And seemingly without hesitation. Just tossing the facts on the table and shining the light on them. Now that took some honest self-reflection. High Five!
On the up side - things get better. Everything you mentioned improves. They change for the better.
They really do. You just have to be patient and roll with the tide. IMO.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 532
Welcome to SR Seabreeze , it's a great place to be! Happy day 2! My life had become very similar to how you described and like you decided that there was more to life and time to get busy living! That was five months ago and the sobriety continues. You can do this! You'll find no shortage of support and tough love on this site
wishing you all the best and looking forward to supporting you on your journey
Love Billy x
, it's a great place to be! Happy day 2! My life had become very similar to how you described and like you decided that there was more to life and time to get busy living! That was five months ago and the sobriety continues. You can do this! You'll find no shortage of support and tough love on this site wishing you all the best and looking forward to supporting you on your journey
Love Billy x
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