HARDEST day yet.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 98
HARDEST day yet.
I finally got the courage to confess (truly and fully) to my husband about my drinking. It was heartbreaking. He was so hurt but also did have his ideas that it could be going on. I have been really struggling with withdrawal symptoms today but feel a lot of relief to have finally come clean with him. We poured out all the alcohol together and made a game plan for moving forward and doing this together. I am blessed to have such a gracious husband. The shame of everything and all the sneaking around is really eating me up today but I just couldn’t take it anymore continuing how I had been going!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Congratulations on pouring out the alcohol! I hope this is the beginning of a permanent sobriety.
I rely a lot on the support of my wife to stay sober. We both quit drinking the same day seven years ago. But we needed more than just ourselves and each other. We started out by going to ninety AA meetings in ninety days and got sponsors to do the steps. Most AA meetings are online right now--here is just one group's offerings out of thousands (Pacific Daylight Time, GMT -7h). There is a women's meeting in forty minutes, then a couple meetings at noon (2 1/2 hours from now).
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
I rely a lot on the support of my wife to stay sober. We both quit drinking the same day seven years ago. But we needed more than just ourselves and each other. We started out by going to ninety AA meetings in ninety days and got sponsors to do the steps. Most AA meetings are online right now--here is just one group's offerings out of thousands (Pacific Daylight Time, GMT -7h). There is a women's meeting in forty minutes, then a couple meetings at noon (2 1/2 hours from now).
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
The family that works on addiction recovery together,
being supportive and understanding of what each person
needs to grow and become stronger, can stay together.
It was my family, relatives who placed me into the hands
of those capable to teaching me about my addiction and
handed me a program of recovery as a guideline to incorporate
in all areas of my life and it was and still is my solo responsiblity
to do all that is needed for me to remain sober no matter
what.
My family was supportive of my recovery, but as far as
them walking in my shoes with addiction, they had no idea
because none of them had addictions.
It took surrounding myself with others just like me, who
understood without ever having to question me because
they all have been there, done many of the same similar
things in life as I had.
It is always comforting to me to have recovery support
walking beside me on my journey in life, just as it is to
also have the love, care, understanding and support of family
which I have to give to them as well.
Accepting and trusting are 2 powerful elements needed
in any family or relationships if they are to become healthy
and successful moving forward.
being supportive and understanding of what each person
needs to grow and become stronger, can stay together.
It was my family, relatives who placed me into the hands
of those capable to teaching me about my addiction and
handed me a program of recovery as a guideline to incorporate
in all areas of my life and it was and still is my solo responsiblity
to do all that is needed for me to remain sober no matter
what.
My family was supportive of my recovery, but as far as
them walking in my shoes with addiction, they had no idea
because none of them had addictions.
It took surrounding myself with others just like me, who
understood without ever having to question me because
they all have been there, done many of the same similar
things in life as I had.
It is always comforting to me to have recovery support
walking beside me on my journey in life, just as it is to
also have the love, care, understanding and support of family
which I have to give to them as well.
Accepting and trusting are 2 powerful elements needed
in any family or relationships if they are to become healthy
and successful moving forward.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 98
For real this time.
Well, the day after I told my husband I went and bought 3 mixed cocktail beers and drank them all while he was running an errand. WHY. I told him immediately and he was so hurt, and mad. That last drink was at 10am. My withdrawal hit me soooo hard and fast. I truly felt I was dying.
At one point I was in the floor unable to feel my hands and barely sit up. It was so bad. My poor sister in law came to watch the kids and we went to the ER! I am here now and have been given fluids and Ativan and some sandwich and crackers. I’m feeling better. Sort of. I’m alone because of COVID my husband can’t come in with me! That’s hard but giving me lots of time to think of a plan. I will be posting here daily, going to counseling. I speak with a psychiatrist tomorrow. May even try AA meetings.
I never thought I was capable to this kind of spiral. But I’m doing the hard work to get my life back and now people know so I will have so much accountability!
At one point I was in the floor unable to feel my hands and barely sit up. It was so bad. My poor sister in law came to watch the kids and we went to the ER! I am here now and have been given fluids and Ativan and some sandwich and crackers. I’m feeling better. Sort of. I’m alone because of COVID my husband can’t come in with me! That’s hard but giving me lots of time to think of a plan. I will be posting here daily, going to counseling. I speak with a psychiatrist tomorrow. May even try AA meetings.
I never thought I was capable to this kind of spiral. But I’m doing the hard work to get my life back and now people know so I will have so much accountability!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by pinkbutterfly20 
I finally got the courage to confess (truly and fully) to my husband about my drinking. It was heartbreaking. He was so hurt but also did have his ideas that it could be going on. I have been really struggling with withdrawal symptoms today but feel a lot of relief to have finally come clean with him. We poured out all the alcohol together and made a game plan for moving forward and doing this together. I am blessed to have such a gracious husband. The shame of everything and all the sneaking around is really eating me up today but I just couldn’t take it anymore continuing how I had been going!
Withdrawal symptoms are not fun, but the good thing I see you don’t ever have to go through them again.my. iF they are really bad give your doctor a call or head to the ER. You’ve got this!
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by pinkbutterfly20
Well, the day after I told my husband I went and bought 3 mixed cocktail beers and drank them all while he was running an errand. WHY. I told him immediately and he was so hurt, and mad. That last drink was at 10am. My withdrawal hit me soooo hard and fast. I truly felt I was dying.
At one point I was in the floor unable to feel my hands and barely sit up. It was so bad. My poor sister in law came to watch the kids and we went to the ER! I am here now and have been given fluids and Ativan and some sandwich and crackers. I’m feeling better. Sort of. I’m alone because of COVID my husband can’t come in with me! That’s hard but giving me lots of time to think of a plan. I will be posting here daily, going to counseling. I speak with a psychiatrist tomorrow. May even try AA meetings.
I never thought I was capable to this kind of spiral. But I’m doing the hard work to get my life back and now people know so I will have so much accountability!
At one point I was in the floor unable to feel my hands and barely sit up. It was so bad. My poor sister in law came to watch the kids and we went to the ER! I am here now and have been given fluids and Ativan and some sandwich and crackers. I’m feeling better. Sort of. I’m alone because of COVID my husband can’t come in with me! That’s hard but giving me lots of time to think of a plan. I will be posting here daily, going to counseling. I speak with a psychiatrist tomorrow. May even try AA meetings.
I never thought I was capable to this kind of spiral. But I’m doing the hard work to get my life back and now people know so I will have so much accountability!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 532
Glad to see you here PB and hopefully back home soon after hospital? It sounds like you have a plan on board, lots of people here have recommended online AA, I have never tried it myself but generally well thought of and lots of meetings to choose from. SMART might also be an avenue you can look into, different approach to AA, but different strokes for different folks and all that! 
It is good you have the support of your husband, you can manage this together and look forward to a new and sober life - it's fulfilling I can promise you
Love Billy x
It is good you have the support of your husband, you can manage this together and look forward to a new and sober life - it's fulfilling I can promise you
Love Billy x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Delilah1
I should have read all the way down, I am so glad you went to the ER, maybe they can keep you for a day or so to help you get the withdrawals under control. I’m glad you have an appt with a psych tomorrow, try to get them to recommend an addiction counselor and possibly and intensive out patient program. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 98
Day 2
I slept better than I have in days!! Felling still shaky and dizzy, and very tired. And my brain is still super foggy which I’m sure will linger much longer. But already feeling better after sleep and fluids and food yesterday!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Congrats on Day 2! Like Dee said, give it your all. I tried many many times and failed but I have 7 months sober now and my husband is very proud...as am I. Like you, I had to throw all my cards on the table. I would not trade where I am now for anything. I'm SOLID.
Something occurred in your thinking immediately prior to the relapse. What was it? Rationalizing moderation? I really had to dig in and analyze my thought process leading up to my relapses. For me, it was either rationalizing I can moderate my intake or I'd say "f*** it, tomorrow will be easier".
Keep doing what your doing, you're going to figure this out if not already.
Something occurred in your thinking immediately prior to the relapse. What was it? Rationalizing moderation? I really had to dig in and analyze my thought process leading up to my relapses. For me, it was either rationalizing I can moderate my intake or I'd say "f*** it, tomorrow will be easier".
Keep doing what your doing, you're going to figure this out if not already.
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