What do you tell yourself or do when temptation hits?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I'm so sorry Rsanchez. That sucks. Keep trying every single Day 1 when it feels like time. I want you to keep trying even if it is every other day as your Day 1. One of these times it will stick. How is your sweet sweet son? I hope he is well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Rsanchez920 
Any sayings through the years that have stuck with you?
OK, I thought of a saying. Actually, I thought of it first, even before I started side tracking the thread: "Keep it simple." I hear it so often it loses it's meaning, especially when I hear so many people say it while they pin a ribbon on the horns of a dilemma and ride off in cloud of polly-syllabic dust. But in the spirit of simplicity, here's my advice to cravings, thoughts, problems, or setbacks: "Don't drink." Everyone of us here knows that. But if a newcomer shows up and asks what to do, telling him, "Don't drink," is not likely to have much of an effect. It's almost callous and flippant, even though that's what I want to tell them. But that's the basics in recovery. Get that out of the way, and you can start adding frills and ornaments. So, for those who really can't stand too much simplicity, they can move on to include as much complexity as they want.
So keep it simple, except when that's not enough.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Your title - "What do you tell yourself or do when temptation hits?"
I notice the temptation and recognise it as the Voice of my Addiction in my brain (my AV) and them dismiss it and move onto something more meaningful in my life, even if that just means sitting there quietly, and not drinking. That's the important part, not drinking, no matter what.
I notice the temptation and recognise it as the Voice of my Addiction in my brain (my AV) and them dismiss it and move onto something more meaningful in my life, even if that just means sitting there quietly, and not drinking. That's the important part, not drinking, no matter what.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Today is the second day from last time you posted,R. Hope you're off the booze again. Or still off.
Short Answer: One thing I said to myself in the early days that really helped. It was "I never drink now." Because it's always now. A minute ago was now, now is now, and a minute from now will still be now. And I can always hold off drinking right this moment, right now. It's easy to decide I'm not drinking now.
Longer Response: I see that sayings or mental exercises that are CBT in nature work for a lot of people, so I understand why they were suggested to me frequently, but they never worked for me. I was more of a "don't think about it just drink" kind of alcoholic, especially in my final couple of years. It's like my addicted brain had gotten too smart to allow rational thought, so thought was pretty much not allowed, period.
My second-to-last relapse, I remember clearly sitting in my office wondering bemusedly what was going on, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was happening. I knew I should post here or call someone but I also knew the kinds of things people were going to say were only going to get me in a state of increased agitation because I knew what playing the tape would show me and I didn't care.
Here's what I've learned: any feeling of dis-ease within me needs attention, and that needs to happen as long as possible before the craving develops. Having a craving after my body is detoxed is 100% reliably a sign for me that there is a feeling of dis-ease I've been disregarding or not noticing. I might not be able to identify what that is right away, but I can say "I don't want to drink - I just don't want to feel this way." or "I want to drink, therefore I must be trying to run away from a feeling." Either way, same thing.
Waiting until I get to the point of craving is waiting too long. To maintain my sobriety, I have found that I needed to pay attention to every upset as soon as I noticed it. Notice I'm upset because my body is telling me so > figure out what set that off > figure out what my feelings are (sad, lonely, fearful, inadequate) > go to the roots of when I felt that feeling before. Once I find the source, it's better! I know what it is that I need to address and I go about doing that in whatever way seems most authentically me. Or, I quite deliberately put the upset in a drawer to deal with once I've been sober for a very long time - I've got one like that.
A whole lot more complicated than One Day at a Time, I know. But that's not how my brain works. I'm more like a one moment at a time kind of gal.
O
Short Answer: One thing I said to myself in the early days that really helped. It was "I never drink now." Because it's always now. A minute ago was now, now is now, and a minute from now will still be now. And I can always hold off drinking right this moment, right now. It's easy to decide I'm not drinking now.
Longer Response: I see that sayings or mental exercises that are CBT in nature work for a lot of people, so I understand why they were suggested to me frequently, but they never worked for me. I was more of a "don't think about it just drink" kind of alcoholic, especially in my final couple of years. It's like my addicted brain had gotten too smart to allow rational thought, so thought was pretty much not allowed, period.
My second-to-last relapse, I remember clearly sitting in my office wondering bemusedly what was going on, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was happening. I knew I should post here or call someone but I also knew the kinds of things people were going to say were only going to get me in a state of increased agitation because I knew what playing the tape would show me and I didn't care.
Here's what I've learned: any feeling of dis-ease within me needs attention, and that needs to happen as long as possible before the craving develops. Having a craving after my body is detoxed is 100% reliably a sign for me that there is a feeling of dis-ease I've been disregarding or not noticing. I might not be able to identify what that is right away, but I can say "I don't want to drink - I just don't want to feel this way." or "I want to drink, therefore I must be trying to run away from a feeling." Either way, same thing.
Waiting until I get to the point of craving is waiting too long. To maintain my sobriety, I have found that I needed to pay attention to every upset as soon as I noticed it. Notice I'm upset because my body is telling me so > figure out what set that off > figure out what my feelings are (sad, lonely, fearful, inadequate) > go to the roots of when I felt that feeling before. Once I find the source, it's better! I know what it is that I need to address and I go about doing that in whatever way seems most authentically me. Or, I quite deliberately put the upset in a drawer to deal with once I've been sober for a very long time - I've got one like that.
A whole lot more complicated than One Day at a Time, I know. But that's not how my brain works. I'm more like a one moment at a time kind of gal.
O
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Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
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Playing the tape forward has definitely been helpful for me in the past but as a few others have said...I struggle to think my way out of urges and tend to find physical distractions better so even small things like cleaning, going for a drive, engaging in conversation etc...I stopped working out for a while but I think getting back into that habit will be of massive benefit.
Urges are hard but i think we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. We are human and its okay to not feel okay or to have those thoughts. As long as we don't give in and physically allow ourselves to drink then we can get through anything. All in good time
Urges are hard but i think we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. We are human and its okay to not feel okay or to have those thoughts. As long as we don't give in and physically allow ourselves to drink then we can get through anything. All in good time
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by GreenStar26
Playing the tape forward has definitely been helpful for me in the past but as a few others have said...I struggle to think my way out of urges and tend to find physical distractions better so even small things like cleaning, going for a drive, engaging in conversation etc...
Having said that, dealing with urges is no small task, and I usually dealt with them by focusing on how I was NOT going to bend to the urge. I always failed too. I would focus on the urge and drive right past the liquor store, sometimes as many as 5 drive-bys. And then, having proven my ability to resist, I would go in the store and buy liquor, satisfied that I had the strength to resist, and ready to wipe myself out with a few stiff drinks. It never occurred to me to focus on something else, until one day I finally did, and then I was on my way.
I wish I had someone to tell me NOT to focus on the craving, and to practice focusing on something else. But we don't always figure out these things in the right order. lol
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Hope you're doing ok. In answering your question, in the very early days, I used replacements (still do, i have 7 months sober). If the urge came, I ate sugar and watched TV....anything to keep me distracted.
It worked because I had HOPE that if I could stick with it, life would be better. AND IT IS! Do you believe that for yourself? Or do you think something will always be missing? You'll be better positioned to put up with the short term pain if you KNOW that a better future await.
Today, I feel like millions of people are missing out on what I now have. You can turn this around.
It worked because I had HOPE that if I could stick with it, life would be better. AND IT IS! Do you believe that for yourself? Or do you think something will always be missing? You'll be better positioned to put up with the short term pain if you KNOW that a better future await.
Today, I feel like millions of people are missing out on what I now have. You can turn this around.
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